2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Academic psychologists, to whom you are leading your child, will look for the reason in your relationship with your husband, in the manner of communication within the family - between yourself and with the child, his interaction with grandparents and brothers / sisters … Most likely, you will be advised to give your child more attention, and some especially active ones will be offered to take a consultation with a pediatric neuropathologist, suspecting in such "violent" behavior disorders in the work of the nervous system …
Everything, in general, is correct. This is exactly the way it should be. And all these reasons cannot be ruled out - they can be key factors. But there is another explanation for the "strange" behavior of our children, which only systemic constellators know about - but it is very important and should not be discounted.
THE CHILD SHOWS SOMETHING OR SOMETHING.
Like this?
To begin with, a few words about the main provisions on which the method of systemic constellations is based.
Any family, any kind has an informational field. The field of your family "you-husband-child (or several)" stores information about each of you, as well as about your family and the family of your husband: parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, etc.
And thus each of us subconsciously "knows" what his ancestors were like, what feelings they experienced, what they faced, etc. And if someone in the family has been forgotten, "pushed aside" (the organizers say - expelled), then the whole family knows and remembers about it. Even when there are no direct participants in that conflict left, their descendants will remember.
The simplest examples: when it is somehow not customary in a family to talk about an aunt who ended her days in an insane asylum, about a grandfather who drinks heavily, a criminal father …
So, someone is excluded and "thrown out" from the family system by its members. But the System is higher and wiser than us: it is important for it to maintain its integrity, to remind people of forgotten relatives. And this function, due to their sensitivity, is taken over by children!
SHOWS an excluded family member.
Yes, sometimes it is so obvious that the grandmother can throw up her hands: "Well, you are just like Uncle Grisha!" And the child did not see this uncle in the eyes …
Here is the explanation for the "terrible" behavior of children.
After all, their task is to show not those whom the family accepts and who is proud of, but, in fact, outcasts. Accordingly, they do not get the best behavioral manifestations.
I remember the appeal of my mother, who was tired of fighting with her son's "adolescence difficulties" - aggression and even theft. In the work, it turned out that she gave birth to him from a representative of criminal circles, and now hides from the child who his father is and where he is. And the child, without even knowing it, by his behavior reminded the mother of a person about whom she tried with all her might to forget.
What, then, do systemic constellations do? They are looking for the reason for the child's “strange” behavior, and if it turns out that the child subconsciously shows someone, then the task of the constellator is to draw the client's attention (and this is one of the parents) to the person who was “deleted” from the family. Reconcile them, help the client accept this relative into his heart - without judgment and attempts to understand, just as he is.
It is not necessary for such a person to be accepted back by the whole family - often this is impossible, and besides, they do not sit in a crowd in the client's chair at the constellator. One representative of your Family is enough. When acceptance happens in the depths of the client's soul - the child no longer needs to remind someone from the family all the time, there will be no need to show someone - and it will be possible to become himself.
Another case is when one of the parents suppresses something in himself all the time, this can manifest itself in the child. And this is what really annoy the parent! But that, as they say, is a completely different story.
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