The Blind Spot Of Marriage

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many things in a relationship can seem like a completely irreparable dead end. As I already said, most divorces occur not because someone is hitting someone in a pair, but because of misunderstanding. There is no happiness in a couple, that's all. So this is one of the many reasons for this situation, the so-called "blind spot of marriage."

What it is? This is a kind of relationship area that exists in the head of each side of the couple. Their expectations and forecasts of how the partner will behave in a given situation are projected there. These are expectations and predictions that evoke various emotions, good and bad, conclusions and planning of their own actions. It is noteworthy that, as a rule, the opposite side does not know what is attributed to it and what is expected of it. And often, in general, observing the body movements of the other side, he cannot do anything worthwhile and correct, because he does not know what needs to be done to make everything go well. Moreover, his opponent's behavior is interpreted within the very blind spot expectations that are not spoken out.

For example, a wife would like her husband to help her carry bags from the store. But she never asks him about it, because she “has been living with him for 10 years already” and knows that he will refuse. She regards this as indifference to her. Then she continues to carry bags, gets angry, projects conversations "so I tell him", freaks out, feels unhappy. The husband does not understand why she is constantly on edge. But he does not ask her to explain, because he “has been living with her for 10 years” and he is sure that there will be a scandal, tears, and in general she is so proud that she will not say anything anyway. Having determined that his wife has the most nervous state when she comes home from work with bags, he tries to retire somewhere in advance, because he is waiting for a scandal. Inside, he groans why he got such a bitch who never smiles at him, freaks out and feels unhappy. Drinks to relieve stress with the guys in the garage.

Thus, the main conflict is played out in a certain imaginary area that is not visible to the opponent (blind spot). He can only see the negative emotions of the partner, on the basis of them build his conclusions, which thus become a blind spot for the opposite side.

When a conflict arises, and there are a lot of emotions on both sides, it is quite useful to ask yourself the question, and not whether everything is in a blind spot, whether everything is going from there. It happens that simply expressing your feelings and expectations to your partner clarifies a lot. In the head, the conflict can reach epic proportions and be blown away only when trying to communicate on topics that are exciting to both sides. It is advisable not to delay this, because by winding themselves up to a certain level, people can already give up without a fight. Imagine if a woman has been winding herself with bags for 10 years, and her husband suddenly agrees to carry bags. "Where are my 16 years old." It can't just end this way after 10 years of suffering. Or the other side, after the man started carrying bags, the wife became a normal attractive smiling woman. Where is the suffering? Just drinking vodka for no reason is somehow not very good, and there seems to be no reason to leave home either.