2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Our injuries, especially those caused by pathological vital attitudes, can be compared to invisible nails driven into the body. Or another metaphor - at the level of the "unconscious image of the I", the human body remains, as it were, "childish", not growing in certain zones. At the same time, the strongest, fundamental conflict is felt / experienced when the maternal prohibition concerns the Self-manifestation of the child, i.e. affects the manifestation of the true nature of personality. A person - consciously or unconsciously, depending on the age of the injury - remains with the feeling that he “cannot”, “does not” have the right to act / manifest himself as I-Myself, to be Himself, and over time it grows into a whole “abyss” "between what I feel myself (internally) and the way I am constantly have to be.
It is also worth noting that due to the small age and unformed Self, the child himself does not know for sure, how exactly he wants / has to express himself in a specific situation, and therefore the maternal attitude often becomes a kind of general "ban", subsequently experienced as "ban from the whole world" (for example, "This does not happen", "This is impossible in principle!", "This is not for me," "I still can never," even the presence of many examples of other people who have achieved success in the "banned" area can be overwhelming.
Internally it can be felt as an "invisible wall" that grows in front of me when trying to move towards what is desired, or something invisible again, grabbing the legs, putting sticks in the wheels - and instantly disappearing from the field of vision, you just have to try it " something to "see.
So how exactly do these "nails" or "invisible walls" manifest themselves in reality? As a rule, when dealing with the topic of a deep conflict, a person:
a) recognizes the situation as familiar (the trigger is triggered) and
b) very quickly, almost instantly, "falls into injury", ie. begins to behave according to a "childish" scenario that has become automatic
At the same time, in principle, a person can even realize that he is doing something completely "wrong", but the property of a traumatic scenario, alas, is such that everything happens so quickly that at a conscious level a person cannot react and change something has time. "Failure into trauma" is also bad in that all emotions "tied" to trauma (starting with a deep experience that "I have to be not myself" and ending with feelings of guilt, shame and annoyance due to the fact that that "I once again behaved like a child (like an idiot, like a mumbler, like a brake …)", ie AGAIN, as an adult, I could not do the right thing for myself.
Further, at least two options are possible: a person who has not yet lost hope for changes swears to himself that next time he will EXACTLY do it differently. Or - a person gives up after many attempts, and falls into "funnel of trauma" as soon as he recognizes the situation as "familiar". It's not for nothing that I put this word in quotes: the situation may be completely or substantially different, simply due to the trauma and assortment of perception, a person sees it as "old" - and here the mechanism of transferring the process into the category of an event is launched. Those. what is actually a kind of process (which we can influence, in which we can actively participate - that is, we have a CHOICE) becomes just an event that "happening to me".
Here again one can ask the question about the degree of responsibility of the person himself, about the "deliberation" of such a fall into the traumatic material. I believe that a conversation about responsibility can be conducted when a person accumulates a certain resource - it can be a resource of age (in the concept of insight it is 28 years or more), a resource obtained when changing a lifestyle (for example, getting out of abusive relationships with parents) or obtained in therapy. In any case, this is no longer an acute state in which a certain "gap" appears, a new "path" shines through, leading not to the "old track" of injury, but to another, as yet unfamiliar side. This "path" can be the beginning process of individuation or even a volitional decision of the person himself that he no longer wants, as before, but wants to LIVE.
And from this moment it will be very useful to master the meta-position for personal use, allowing you to say to yourself "So, wait, I was already there", to see what is happening to me now, as well as the whole situation as a whole and new exits from her. Stop drama, which makes it possible to reduce the intensity of your own feelings and make them available for control (and here you can go through many practices, including breathing and meditation, as well as special exercises that I give in my support group).
Possession of these and other techniques will allow you to consciously expand and clear the "path" for a new one, and begin to invest your strength not in the endless "playing" of the trauma, but in yourself.
And yes, one more time - it can be very offensive, unfair and painful when you yourself have to fix what others have broken in you. But leaving "power over oneself" in the hands of those who broke it, in my opinion, is even worse.
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