Nobody Gets Married. What To Do?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When we talk about primitive society and its evolution, we mentally imagine the image of a Neanderthal man, arms in hand, engaging in battle with a wild beast. Since that time, the division of labor into male and female began. A man is a warrior, hunter, breadwinner. A woman is waiting for a man from the hunt, gives birth and brings up children, runs a household.

Now let's think, what was the role of a woman really since those ancient times? Her task was reduced to pleasing the desires of a man. He is a breadwinner and breadwinner. And who is she? Everyone can have children and run a household. If she falls into the disgrace of her man, he is free to drive her out with the children from a warm cave to the cold and be eaten by a wild beast. Therefore, by all means, she needs to please, adapt, adapt to the whims of a man. He is her safety, her guarantee of life. As long as he needs her, she and her children are safe.

In many tribes, born girls were physically destroyed, since this is an extra mouth and a dependent of the tribe.

One could argue that this was before. But throughout history, the position of women in society has changed little. In tsarist times, if a girl was not taken as a wife, she went straight to the monastery. The road also led there if a man left his wife. He could have as many kept women, illegitimate children as he wanted, to have fun with actresses and singers. The woman had to endure it in silence, not grumble at fate and her husband, and run the household. Otherwise, who will need it? Or a monastery, or a carousel husband.

Now fast forward to today's time. You don't have to go far. In early childhood, the girl listens to fairy tales about princes, in which the idea is imposed that with his appearance all problems are solved. For example, in The Tale of the Dead Princess, the prince returns the life of the sleeping princess with his kiss. If not for a kiss, the beautiful princess would not have seen the white light. It turns out that there is a prince - no problem, no prince - a miserable existence under the yoke of his stepmother.

And without fairy tales, there are enough program installations in childhood that prove the semi-functionality of an unmarried woman in the modern world. Who is familiar with the phrases: "But who will need you like that?", "Yes, with your character you will not get along with any husband?" Perhaps unconsciously, but our educators continue to tell us that there is no life without a man, that a woman is worth little by herself. And what are the phrases: "Who needs you with children?" There is one cure for all misfortunes: get married as soon as possible. To ensure your safety in this world, you need a man.

All the same genetic memory of the genus continues to work.

In order to attract the attention of men, women begin to go on diets, attend trainings and seminars on the topic "How not to miss your only one", follow fashion, take good care of themselves. Everything would be fine, only the reason for such self-improvement is embarrassing. And they really believe that with the advent of a man, all problems in life will disappear. That is, happiness is possible somewhere where there is only one, in the future.

These are psychological illusions. Expecting happiness from someone is voluntary slavery and an irresponsible attitude towards one's life. It is always more convenient to wait for a goldfish by the blue sea, which grants wishes. But the longer the fish does not swim, the more painful it becomes from the collapse of illusions.

And if a man suddenly appears on the horizon, the woman clings to him with a deadly grip and, with the look of a beggar, is ready to do whatever is needed, the dear one would be nearby. After all, the song clearly says that this is female happiness.

From this moment on, the spiral of relations built on the principle of "dear, save me from myself" begins to unfold. After all, in myself I am nothing and nobody, but with you I feel necessary and important.

Everything would be fine, but men and women come to relations with different tasks. Both of them want to get pleasure: only men want this "here and now", and women make plans for the future and fill all the voids with their presence next to a man. And one fine day, a man may find that there are more and more items of women's toilet in his bathroom: balms, scrubs, lotions, pads, etc. And he becomes cramped in his own space. On a subconscious level, a man will try to restore his status quo, to protect his autonomy. He becomes either irritable or completely withdrawn and goes into his cave, away from the woman. She begins to smell of lack of freedom, and, not really understanding the reasons, the man will strive to keep his distance. Instinct works.

What are women doing? Feeling the danger and lack of the former romance in the relationship, they try to return everything as it was. And then, God forbid, a man will expel her to be eaten by wolves (as her great-great-grandfather once expelled her great-great-grandmother) and she will stay at 25 !!!!! years old maidens, no one needs. And women do it as best they can: who rolls tantrums, who silently endures all insults and humiliations.

But neither the look of a devoted dog, nor the look of a fierce tigress seduces.

I know what I am saying. More and more often I receive requests from women about the following: "What can I do, a man has become indifferent to me, he will never call first, I myself am always the initiator of our meetings, but I love him." When I clarify why to continue this relationship, the girl remarks with amazement that she loves a man, wants to create a family with him in the future, to have children from him.

In such cases, I ask the question: "Why do you need to get married?" Do not misunderstand me. I am not at all against the institution of the family. On the contrary, I believe that only in relationships can you truly open up, go beyond your narrow point of view, learn to interact, experience all the delights of love relationships and the experience of unconditional love. The purpose of my question is to find out what the girl means by the concept of "getting married."

And here program settings from childhood begin to appear. The very state of being "unmarried" automatically translates into the concept of "second-rate". Everyone was taken apart in marriage, but they do not take you, then something is wrong with you. And the years go by, youth is leaving, rivals are getting younger.

What to do?

Firstly, forget that having a man in life provides automatic guarantees of safety. I am sure that even in your inner circle there is enough evidence to the contrary. When a woman is a leader in a family, she earns enough to not only feed herself, but also her husband, children, dog and other relatives. If this cannot be said about you, then you should seriously think about your financial security.

Unfortunately, it is financial dependence that often keeps women close to men who do not value them and offend them. But it is better to interrupt on the water with buckwheat than to endure the tyrant's husband. Get the support of family and friends.

Secondly, stop thinking that marriage gives you a special status in society. You, in and of itself, are of great value. There is no other half, you yourself are 100%. A man who has appeared in your life can only strengthen what is in you. If the inside is empty and lonely, then the man will only intensify this feeling. If inside there is love and a state of high from oneself, then a man will also increase this. And then 1 + 1 = 11. Your value to others is not a man as an appendage to you, but your deeds and the state that you broadcast around you.

Thirdly. Learn to love and value yourself by definition. Love is an energy that you need to learn to produce yourself. You can, of course, be recharged with love from someone - this is also a way. But in this case, you become dependent on the source. Like a phone: without power, even the latest iPhone is useless. Do not look for love in husbands, children, friends. Learn to experience the love of being alone with yourself. How to do it?

Arrange romantic dates for yourself: drive yourself to a cafe, feed yourself delicious food, watch good films, go for walks or travel. Be filled with the energy of love and self-sufficiency. The task of a woman is to enjoy everything with which she comes in contact. This is the creative function of a woman. She creates the energy of love autonomously and fills the surrounding space with it. And then no doping in the form of a man will be needed. Rather, the man will need you.

Fourth. There is no need to link the concepts of marriage and childbirth. Again, the software is telling that the biological clock is ticking and it's time to think about healthy offspring. And the woman begins to think about the birth of a child, by all means. And when you specify “why”, then I hear: “it's time,” “the sooner, the more physically healthy the children are,” “my man already wants to”. Having a baby is not about having a kitten. Motherhood is just one of the ways to realize your femininity and love. And why everyone is so concerned about the physical health of the baby, while they prefer not to think about mental health for the time being. If the foundation of your relationship has already cracked, then building a strong house will not work. And the children will suffer. Children are happy when their parents are happy. If the mother is with empty and tear-stained eyes, then the child will learn for himself an erroneous program: family and happiness are incompatible concepts. 80% of the baby's self-esteem depends on the mother's self-esteem.

Fifth. Take action. This point is a conscious approach to your life. First you need to learn how to feel joy and receive energy without a man, and then think about what kind of man you need. If you just need a man as a biological species, then finding him will not be difficult. Weak and weak-willed men just dream to be found. But that's not what you need, is it?

Consider the answers to the following questions:

A man with whom you want to build a family - what is he like?

What woman can be with him?

What in your current state prevents you from attracting such a man into your life?

What are your thoughts and attitudes preventing its appearance?

And when you deal with your "cockroaches" about yourself, stop working out generic scenarios, you will feel a huge center of power within yourself. The forces of love.

Love is movement in one direction. The dull expression on his face has never saved any relationship. Let your eyes shine with Love, there are plenty of reasons for this. The people around us simply mirror us and our attitude towards ourselves. What's inside is outside. Your actions should not be aimed at finding a husband and not to rush the chosen one with a choice. Your actions should be aimed at creating a new version of yourself. And then, being left alone with yourself, you with sincere love for yourself will be able to say: “But for me, it's better to be alone! I want to eat halva, I want - gingerbread."