2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This morning I woke up at 6 o'clock. I didn't want to get up, and I decided to watch the news on Facebook. Among the various posts I saw one that made me think. It was a photo of my friend - a spectacular blonde and a successful coach and the caption - "Dear girls, let's discuss, is it worth believing the promises of men?"
I wondered if I believed it or not. I have had different experiences and different men in my life, so I could not find a definite answer. How to act in a situation when next time they promise me something?
What is a promise?
A promise is a voluntary agreement to do something or not to do something.
When is it given?
1. A person informs about his plans and intentions, so that the partner is aware of (we will go on vacation to Cyprus).
2. To get bonuses and location here and now (I will buy you flowers, went to the cinema).
3. To make amends (I will part with her, I promise).
4. To postpone the time of reckoning (do not shout, I will no longer leave dirty dishes).
It is worth noting that in most cases if a man wants to do something, then he does it. If he doesn’t want to, but for some reason cannot say about it, he can give a promise.
Why pay close attention to the promises you are given?
If a person did not fulfill what he promised, and you counted on it, it is very disappointing, undermines strength, time and other opportunities that you would have used if not for this are lost. When it comes to the promises that a man makes to a woman, then this is very serious. As it can leave trauma, kill self-esteem, undermine health, etc. There are many examples of this in our literature.
Therefore, the belief in the promises of men should be treated as carefully as banks treat those who want to get a loan. There are many people in the world who want to get money, spend a pleasant evening, but not everyone gives their words weight and is ready to be responsible for them.
How to understand who and in what situation you can believe?
You cannot trust every word of the first person you come across - this is very unsafe, but it is also not worth treating with strong distrust - this will hinder the development of relations, and life will seem behind enemy lines. Therefore, when starting communication with a new acquaintance, it is worth giving him an advance of trust.
Trust advance - it is the assumption that a person can be trusted and can be counted on. It should relate to some insignificant things or a situation, that is, it is necessary to take into account the risks that the advance payment may not be justified, therefore it is necessary to minimize emotional, energy or financial losses.
If he did not justify the trust, then for just a small price you realized that you were dealing with an unreliable person and if the next time he turns to you or promises something, then you already understand that he has a negative credit history and you will consider this. If the man kept his word and met your expectations, then you can give him another advance of trust, a little more.
For example, you met a nice guy on the street and he invites you to his home, says that he dreamed of you all his life, and that he has wonderful kittens that he wants to show you. In fact, he asks for a large amount of credit of trust and does not confirm his intentions in anything, except for words. So this invitation has high risks of not meeting expectations, although if you immediately decide that this is just a joke, the opportunity for an interesting acquaintance is lost.
What to do?
It's worth giving him an advance of trust and seeing how the guy will behave next:
1. Say that you are very busy right now and write off on important matters, but are ready to leave your phone number. If he called back, then he has an interest, if not, then you have not lost anything.
2. He called back. You say that you are afraid to go home, but you will be happy to chat with him in a cafe and look at photos of kittens. Did the meeting take place? So the second advance has returned. Failed, you do not lose anything.
This strategy is not universal, but it may well save you unnecessary frustration. In the process of communicating with each specific person, you can study in what issues he can be trusted and in what not.
Which promises have high risks?
1. The questionable context in which it was made. Let's say a conversation about children and a wedding at night in a club with a new acquaintance can most likely turn out to be pick-up tricks.
2. No specific time or date. The phrases "We'll call you" or "I'll call you back" are often used to end a conversation.
3. The words “maybe”, “probably”, “most likely” indicate that the man is not going to do what he promised.
4. The words "still need to wait" or "deserve."
How to protect yourself?
1. Rate how real is what they tell you. What confirms the intentions.
2. Don't be afraid to ask uncomfortable questions. (When will you do this? Why should I trust you? What guarantees that this will really be the case?)
3. Value yourself, your time and money, do not hesitate to show it. It commands respect. (I'm not interested in this, but this and that will work for me if you want to do something.)
4. Trust your intuition, if you have doubts, then it is worth paying attention to this.
5. Do not fall for the manipulation “don't you trust me?”. Only scammers talk about trust, honest people conclude a contract and act in accordance with it.
6. Feel free to ask where the promise is. You have every right to know why this has not happened yet.
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