2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The idea of getting married for a girl successfully combines two drives - libidinal and selfish.
Every girl, in theory, dreams of getting married.
Because:
- so do EVERYONE around, - it is customary in society to be married, and I am NOT WORSE than other women, - so did Cinderella at the instigation of the Good Fairy, - this is the only socially acceptable way to satisfy libido, continue the race and thus fulfill your natural destiny
Marriage is like a magic panacea for loneliness, material problems and dependence on the parental family - this is how the impeccable Cinderella herself preaches to us from childhood!
And, it is true, it is difficult not to wish for such a simply fabulous fate.
And I must say that it is not so, this is a bad desire.
But!
Sometimes it just takes a manic coloration.
And the girl literally puts an end to everything except this cherished dream.
And it's good if Mendelssohn's march is played on time. And if not? Are you over 30?
Anxiety, disappointment, disbelief in oneself, in men and God knows what sad fantasies. In general - life has failed and you have a neurosis.
Sad, but the standard scenario of an unmarried girl for … -t.
Can you avoid it?
Yes, and simple enough! - We must stop wanting ONLY to get married. Of course, it will look like betrayal of the sacred deed of Cinderella, but it's definitely worth it.
In order not to be unfounded, let's try to build a theoretical basis for this "betrayal", or rather - substitution.
And here sublimation can come in very handy for us - the most effective of psychological defenses, the most mature and amazing in its own way.
One misfortune is that the impulse for marriage is fully supported by our society. Therefore, you have to cheat a little. You have to want to get married, but ideally society wants to get a family that will "live long, happily and die in one day." And he doesn’t want you to marry “just anyone”, give birth to children and get divorced, joining the ranks of those in need of social assistance.
So, let's focus on the fact that even society is beneficial for us to get married, at least SUCCESSFULLY, and at the maximum - SUCCESSFULLY and FOR LOVE.
Consequently, society does not encourage the desire to marry "just anyone" for the sake of a tick.
And it is precisely this, as it turns out that no one needs it, the desire to get married “on time”, even if only “for just anyone”, a socially acceptable replacement must be found.
An active desire to find your love can become such a substitute! It is in the SEARCH process that an inexhaustible source of inspiration can be found. This includes meeting a lot of interesting people, studying various styles of behavior, knowing oneself. This is a career (which sublimates the selfish desire to hang around a man's neck). These are travels, dances, music, theaters and in general everything that will tell you your tastes and fantasies.
By the way, here we can play into our hands and Freud's conclusion about the low mobility of libido, which makes the satisfaction of the individual dependent on a very small number of goals and objects (Z. Freud. Introduction to psychoanalysis. P.342)
By focusing on the calm confidence that only our half is suitable for us for marriage, which, accordingly, is in exactly the same calm search, we can really sublimate libidinal energy into the energy of curiosity and development of ourselves through knowledge of the world and people.
The most interesting thing is that a girl who is not fixated on marriage and immediate family creation will find it easier to find a permanent partner, whom she can later choose as her husband if she wishes.
And most importantly - it doesn't matter when the wedding will take place or whether there will be one at all. - You will have a full-fledged full LIFE without neuroses, which, certainly, it will not be excruciatingly painful to remember in old age!
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