When Your Child Is Not Like Everyone Else

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

My psychological practice began with working with women who had “special” children in their families. These are children with both congenital developmental disabilities and those that appeared later. Even then, I realized how much the life of such families can differ from ordinary ones. How much effort their parents have to put in every day, and how badly they might need professional help. Psychological work with them can also be special. Thoughts on this and I want to share this article.

When a child is born in a family, it is a big event for everyone. Both mom and dad always have their own thoughts, expectations and fantasies about what character he will have, what he will be interested in and do in the future. That is, we can talk about such an image of an “ideal” child as an extension of ourselves. And if a baby appears with deviations, or due to illness or injury, he becomes so, this is a big shock for his parents. Dreams are shattered - they lose their healthy, perfect child, and suddenly they have a child they fear, who makes them desperate. They not only grieve about this loss of the “ideal” child or child of dreams, but their ideas about themselves, their role and place in life are also changing.

And an important place in the stories of such parents is occupied by a contradiction, which they often do not realize - they have a living child, but due to the fact that he is not like everyone else, the parents do not feel joy, they are depressed and feel the loss … The loss of that child, which was so much expected, about which many dreamed and fantasized. A deep study of this topic, reading the literature and the work experience itself shows that it is necessary to work with the states of such parents as with loss, taking into account the characteristics of their children.

I would also like to note that in families with such children, loss is not a momentary tragedy, but something that makes up everyday life. And in this process, parents constantly experience pain, frustration and are constantly traumatized by the child's illness.

And working with a psychologist can become the place where it is possible to place all these difficult experiences. This is grief, as well as guilt and shame for your child. Feelings of helplessness and isolation. Parents can make incredible efforts to correct the situation, which do not always bring results and affect the lives of other family members, where there may be other, healthy children. In addition, there may be a lot of anger at the child's illness, at oneself, or at medicine in general. And in contact with a psychologist, you can place all these feelings, which can be an important stage in the process of living the loss.

Summing up, I would like to say that a child's illness, his inability to become a “dream child” is always pain and loss for parents. And help in coping with this loss can be something that will bring relief, relieve the burden of heavy feelings and worries. And in addition, it will provide a resource for the future life of the family and the feeling of its full value, with its sorrows, joys and pleasure from communication, taking into account all the characteristics of its members.