ALL THE TIME IS NOT ENOUGH MONEY

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The client is a woman, 42 years old. Divorced. There is a son of 20 years old. Works as a logistics manager.

CL: “I came to figure out why it is not working with money.

For 21 years of work - she has grown in positions, is already provided with an apartment, but all the time there is not enough money.

I look at myself: I have brains, I am not lazy, hardworking, responsible. I bring things to the end. You can rely on me. I work a lot, but there is always not enough money."

- “I wonder what prevented you from thinking about this question earlier?”

CL: “I never thought about it. I just worked and that's it.”

- "And what happened or has appeared now, what are you thinking now?"

KL: “My friend has changed a lot in just six months - she went to a psychologist. I knew her earlier, so she really began to think differently, and her life changed.

This is the first reason.

The second reason: I got divorced and for a year now I have been analyzing my life - and what happened this way, and why like this. And now I realized that many things could have been different: the choice of the university, and with work, and with my husband to behave differently. It's too late. After the fight, they don't wave their hands.

I'm tired as a squirrel in a wheel, the time has come, I want to understand my life."

To begin with, I ask the client to briefly tell her financial history from the moment of adolescence to the present time.

CL: “There never was much money. At first she worked on temporary jobs - from dry cleaning to construction. Then at different companies, mainly as a storekeeper.

Over the years, with experience, it seems that I began to earn more, but all the time there is not enough money.

During her studies, she lived in a hostel, then got married and moved to a rented apartment.

The husband did not earn much either. A child was born - money was spent on him. It was a hard time. A lot of expenses - one thing or the other. We worked hard. If you buy something, then they looked where it was cheaper. What you don't have to buy - you didn't buy. They saved.

Then I got better with work, and my husband, a little later, got better, and a little later we took out a mortgage for a 1k apartment. When I had options to earn extra money, I worked on weekends. We tried as best we could. The mortgage was paid for 11 years. They saved on a lot.

Then my husband wanted a car. Again a loan, again all the money goes to pay off the loan.

Money was always scarce. If you were going to rest, then somewhere simpler. For all the time we went to Turkey once and also chose the cheapest tour.

Life with my husband was not joyful. They didn't quarrel much, but there was no interest, as in the beginning of life together, for a long time. Over the years, strangers have become. Why live together? Divorced. We agreed to divide the property so that he would take his car, and I will give him another 3 thousand dollars - and the apartment will remain completely mine. I borrowed from friends - and gave it to my husband, he gave his part of the apartment to me. A year has passed, only now I have paid off my debts. That's how I live - I don't have enough money all the time. First one, then the second. Now loans, now debts, then something breaks, then buy jeans for your son, then something else”.

So, scenario: work hard, all the time there are some important expenses that take a significant part of the monthly earnings.

- “An important point. She did not say anything about increasing income.

During the description of life, it was mainly about NEEDS, about EXPENSES, and about the fact that I WORK HARD”.

CL: “Yes, that's how I live. I constantly think: how will I pay for this, for that. And if there is not enough money, then I look where I can earn extra money."

- "And if there is enough money to pay the expenses?"

CL: "Then I'm not taking a part-time job."

I tell the client my observations:

1) Attention is focused on costs. The word economy is often used.

2) Activation of doing something to get money - appears only when there is not enough finance for basic needs.

There is no motivation to earn more. There is motivation to enough for basic needs.

CL: “Yes, I started to understand that now. All my life I thought how to live. The main thing is that there is something to eat, so that the child does not wear rags and do not laugh at him. I thought about putting the child on its feet. She lived like that.

Now my son is finishing university, earning pocket money for coursework and diploma theses. Recently he told me: "you look tired, take a rest, mom, live for yourself." But I don’t know how to change it”.

I ask the question: "Over the past few years, has there been an opportunity to get a higher paid job?"

The client gave a case when the opportunity to get a job in another city turned up.

And then she substantiated with the text: “They would pay more there, BUT it was necessary to move, look for a place to rent, I don’t know anyone, but everything is fine here, and how will I leave my son? He studies here, and I do not understand how it would have developed there."

I ask again the question - was there another option? Names the second one. Here the same thing: there is a “yes, BUT” construction.

When her supervisor resigned, she was offered to take his place.

CL: “I thought for two days then and refused. Of course, the salary is higher, and the status is higher, BUT people had to be built in order to work normally, and I do not like that, I would have to exert a lot, a lot of responsibilities, a lot of responsibility”.

The third case came to mind. A friend said about a vacancy in one firm. I clarify: "How much higher was the salary?"

CL: "At one and a half, and there was a growth prospect."

There were reasons why I didn’t choose the more paid option.

CL: “But this is not really my profile, I had to retrain a lot, I don’t know I would have succeeded, besides, it’s on the other side of the city. Two of them were hired there for a trial period. They immediately warned that they could take two at the end of the term, but they could only take one - the best, and the second - to be fired. Risky. It could have failed there, but here I would have lost everything. Then I would have had to work at an even worse job.”

I am checking for the existence of another option in life that could give more prosperity.

I ask the question again. First, the client says, "No, there was nothing else like that."

But thinking for a minute, he remembers another option.

“Ah, well, this is it. They were looking for an employee in that firm. But this one doesn't count. I would not have pulled. But this is not for me. Highly demanding requirements”.

The client seems to be brushing it off immediately. During the response, the phrase “this is not for me” had a bright emotional color and was pronounced in a confident tone.

An important point. While a person himself totally believes that financial wealth is NOT FOR HIM, then even if options arise in life, the person will either totally NOT NOTICE (information will pass by the attention zone), or see, but immediately come up with some an excuse why it is NOT FOR HIM.

Faith is stronger than reality.

- “Speaking about this work, you do not seem to believe yourself that this is real for you. What was the salary there? Did you go for an interview?"

CL: “I don’t know exactly. Three times more. This is a very solid company. They pay a lot.

I didn't go to the interview. There is probably a big competition. Wouldn't pass."

Here, too, I note the confidence in the voice in the words “would not pass”. The emphasis here is not on how great or small the client's chance of getting the job was.

Important:

1) she didn't even try

2) firmly convinced that this is not a job for me.

I also note that when the previous 3 options were discussed, where the income growth was from 20 to 50%, the client calmly and easily pronounced all the nuances, her own thoughts and conclusions.

When talking about work where the salary is 3 times higher, she visually tensed and sharply brushed aside this opportunity.

There is a fact that it is normal to operate in the head with amounts of income ~ 1, 2-1, 5 times more - it is normal for her, but 3 times more is something not profitable, distant, unreal.

So, over the past few years, there have been at least 4 cases that arose just like that (the client did not even look for them on purpose), but each time she found reasons (very justified for her personally) - so as not to have more money.

As a psychologist, I understand that if someone suddenly tried to challenge her arguments and convince the opposite, then the client would deny and insist on his own.

For facts are logic, the realm of the mind.

If the mind sets any task, for example, to find “what makes the job good”, the mind will complete the task. Find “why the work is bad” - he will also cope, he will find it.

When in the human psyche there are many fears associated with wealth, then the fears win, because the fears are STRONGER.

And WHERE fears focus attention - THERE the mind goes. There are convincing reasons why, what fear says is so in reality.

The subconscious zone of the psyche (fears, prohibitions, beliefs) is stronger than actual reality. People see in certain things:

- that they are AFRAID to see (zone of fears)

- what was before, what we are used to seeing (bad experience of the past, which is carried over to the current time)

- what they believed in childhood.

In what was taken on faith in childhood, for granted, as an axiom. In what was seen around, what was broadcast by the environment in which we grew up.

Beliefs, "imprinted" behaviors, fears, etc. - everyone has their own. Therefore, we begin to clarify.

Since there is obvious sabotage of prosperity, it was noticeable at the stage of trying on the fourth option with salary 3 times higher.

I bring her back to this vacancy. I ask her: "Why are you so convinced that work is not for you?"

CL: “So it will be necessary and work 3 times more! The bosses will demand more. You will have to work harder, stay late after work. There will not be enough time for personal life, but I want a relationship with a man. To have time to get acquainted, to communicate”.

A number of beliefs emerged here.

The client believes that the AMOUNT of the salary is clearly correlated with the AMOUNT of labor.

He also believes that in jobs with slightly higher wages, all employees are regularly forced to stay late after work.

Where does the OR / OR fork arise from: either a highly paid job or personal life. And of course, personal life is chosen.

- "Where did you get the idea that the higher the salary, the more you have to do at work?"

CL: “It has always been this way. When I went to work with a slightly higher salary, it was harder there. I had to work harder”.

- "What kind of work are you talking about?"

The client lists the professions of manual labor.

This stereotype emerged from the unsuccessful personal experience of the past, based on the first jobs after graduation. (Although it often turns out that such stereotypes come from a person's childhood - that's what his environment said).

I note that for the umpteenth time the word “work” goes along with another word “hard / harder, difficult”, but now it does not deepen, we go further.

Was she deliberately looking for options with more than her earnings by 2-3 times? No, I did not look, it was just that options were turned up there, then they were offered there.

That is, the thought was not even directed in this direction.

CL: “When there was not enough money, I took part-time jobs.”

A woman has a certain strategy (something on the topic: live to survive and earn hard work) and she within this strategy tried to be successful. And for 11 years she managed to save up for an apartment and provide for her basic needs (housing, food, clothing, teaching her son at a university).

Then I conduct a conversation with the client on the topic of subconscious programs, beliefs, patterns of behavior that lead to poverty.

What is in the depths of our psyche is more important than the external level, the level of actions.

At the level of action, she has a lot of emphasis: the habit of working a lot and hard, taking part-time jobs, hard work, perseverance, bringing the work started to the end.

Psychological convictions, beliefs, fears - take her away from having a certain level of income. Hard work is good, it is important to apply it in the right direction.

It is clearly seen from the markers of monetary psychology - she strongly avoids monetary wealth.

An emphasis on stability, so that it is not too bad, on economy - in fact, in order to survive. There was no question of living in abundance, joy, pleasure.

CL: “You are talking about prosperity, joy. I seem to want to - but I don't really believe that I can do that."

There is something in the subconscious that blocks the belief in one's own success. It is important to find this out and work it out.

Since 40 minutes of the hour session have already passed, I suggest that the client choose - or we will work with the found monetary stereotypes for the remaining time. Or we can continue to clarify the subconscious parts of the psyche that conflict with success. To find out more fully and then work with them.

CL: “I have money for 5 sessions, I want to thoroughly deal with the issue. So let's take a closer look.”

And we moved on to drawing up a client's money card.

Money card - conscious and subconscious psychological blocks that prevent a person from freely directing his thought to the wealth he needs and achieving this.

We start with money stereotypesentrenched in the subconscious.

I check monetary associations with the words “money,” “wealth,” “wealth,” “rich people,” “relationships,” “work,” “work.”

Since the task is to find negative subconscious beliefs, I omit positive associations of the form “money = opportunity, freedom” and write down only negative or conflicting beliefs.

First, I ask questions about the vector "what bad will happen when I have more money?"

There are many answers on the topic of the environment (envy of people, bad relations with relatives).

"If there is danger in wealth, what is it?"

CL: "For wealth they can kill."

I continue to ask questions about work, how she will look in the eyes of other people, how she sees herself.

I group the answers by zones.

Emotionally charged beliefs in which the client's face changed were on the topic of shame.

Further, in order to tighten the deep attitudes of self-identification, I ask you to completely switch from the mind to the level of sensations. And we make a small figurative technique about wealth, prosperity.

The wealth in the image turned out to be closed by a high wall, beyond which one could not climb.

The client says: "Here it is behind the wall, and I am standing here."

A number of deep beliefs are revealed.

5 minutes remain, I propose to give homework to independently work out a few money stereotypes.

Throwing expanding questions to the client to undermine faith in these beliefs.

First of all, I play with the belief “Money comes through hard work”.

- Is it always so?

- Have you had any experience of getting money - easy, simple? If so, which one.

- Are there people in your immediate environment who receive a good salary and, at the same time, the job is easy? If so, how did they do it? What are they, these people, how do they think, what do they do? How are they different from you. What is valuable about them?

I continue.

- With regards to your skills. If work for you can be high-paying and easy - what would it be?

- If I could make money easily, then what abilities, skills, qualities do I have to make it happen?

- Remember all your work in life. Make a list and check to see if the pay increase in a new job was always due to the fact that the new job had to work even more than the previous one.

- Sit down, think and find 3 people from your environment (close or distant) who did not steal, and did not get an acquaintance and the like, but managed to achieve financial prosperity with their work and determination? Who are these people? How did they do it? What were they like? How do they view life? How are the plans worth? How options are considered. What is valuable in these people, what you could learn from.

- Where does the idea come from that you can only be rich by stealing? Are there people who earn 2-3 times more than you and do not steal?

(It is important for the client to give the nearest guidelines for wealth - 2-3 times higher than the current level, then this belief can be correlated with reality and debunked).

This concludes our one-hour session.

We meet again in a week.

CL: “After our meeting, I thought and analyzed a lot.

Completed homework. I was surprised myself. Indeed, I had 3 times when I changed jobs, and at the new job the salary was higher, and it was easier to work.

Then I thought why, I was so sure. I remembered that it was from my mother, she often said: “The money is hard to get. That is life. If you work, you will survive, you will not be lost. Rely only on yourself. If you don’t help yourself, no one will help you”.

I ask about other realizations and conclusions that she made during this week.

And about three people at first it was difficult to complete the task. I remembered only one, and that's it. But a few days later, yesterday - I remembered two more.

What is valuable in them is that they were not afraid to try and take risks.

I realized that there were better options for job income, but I was afraid to try them. There is always fear in my head: if I quit this job, but nothing will work out on the new one, then I will lose what was and will be bad.

And we have a loan for an apartment, we need to pay, the son is small, to feed him. The husband's salary would not have been enough. I was afraid to take risks.

Here again the words of my mother come to mind: “Better a tit in the hand than a crane in the sky”.

Another realization - I'm afraid of defeat. If I went to another job, but it did not work out … I was kicked out or I left (did not pull) … I would have harassed myself for how many months that I made a mistake … it became worse … it would have been better if I didn’t do it.”

I ask the client what she wants today.

CL: "Let's finish what we started in the last session."

We continue to compose money card.

We start with messages from parents, which are sealed in the head.

I ask questions about actions, direction of thought, etc.

Such programs pop up:

Then I ask in the poverty in which I lived all my life, if it were taught in the form of goals and slogans, how would they sound?

Clarifying fears of having money.

What is it about money that will negatively affect you?

Finding out the secondary benefits of being poor.

“When you become more prosperous, what will you lose? What will you lose? What do you have to give up? What is the advantage of not having money?"

Next, we make a visualization with the representation of a large amount of money in our hands.

We discover a number of fears associated with self-esteem.

There are many experiences in the possession of money - what to do with it, what to do with it, how to dispose of it, money has a supreme significance - and the possession of it is associated with negative experiences.

Therefore, it is clear why the client does not have them, because an automatic conclusion suggests itself: "Since a large amount of money causes so much excitement, it is better not to have them."

The client is not afraid of a large amount of money, she is afraid to have it and LOSE it.

Fear of losing a large sum of money, followed by huge GUILT, self-flagellation.

Here again comes the fear found in secondary benefits.

Unbuilt skills of interaction with the environment: “I do not know how to refuse people when asked to give a loan. I myself do not like to borrow and do not lend. I refuse harshly. I can't do it any other way. And then there will be more money, everyone will ask - and my relations with everyone will deteriorate.

I will refuse, then I will blame myself - maybe it should have been different?”.

After that, we make a figurative mini-technique on the topic of comparing what is now

and the possession of money.

Here it comes up that when there is a lot of money, then the meaning of life is lost.

There is a question - "And why live then, when everything is there?"

The problem here is related to the survival scenario of life, and this is precisely its essence, meaning and motivation - to survive. And since there is money, then the script itself becomes unnecessary.

The client has no other scenario yet. And therefore it is perceived as a loss of the meaning of life.

This question is for a separate session or two. And now we continue.

I ask questions at the level of identity: "What will you be like when you have money?"

Moving on to the topic of allowing yourself to enjoy wealth.

After all, money is a tool.

It is important that the possession of a sum of money, the monthly income is more than now - caused positive emotions.

We do a check for desires.

P: “Imagine: suddenly you have money, for example, someone has returned an old debt. Or they suddenly paid a bonus equal to 2-3 salaries.

My first thought is what to do with the extra money?”

CL: “My son wants to buy something, jeans, he wants a new mobile phone”.

I remember. I play the situation further.

P: "For example, the money that came back is enough for a mobile phone and jeans, how do you manage the rest of the money?"

CL: "Postpone."

"The question is: why not spend on yourself?"

CL: “First of all to my son. He is young, let him rejoice, I will manage, I will tolerate”.

P: “But in a simulated figurative situation, there is enough for a purchase for a son and still remains. Why not spend money on yourself?"

CL: “Then we need to think about what to spend, plan”.

P: "Are there really no momentary desires?"

The client named a number of desires of the daily household level and one socially stereotyped desire: “Renovation in an apartment”.

It was clear from her expression and appearance that none of this made her very happy.

The point here is that the client doesn't need extra money. Personally to her.

There is only motivation - to survive and provide basic needs.

Please yourself, allowing yourself to buy what you want is absent.

This completes the drawing up of the client's money card.

Gave a number of homework assignments.

The meaning of life is to find something to live for. Your own personal. Strategic life directions of development, interests. He told how to make a technique for working out parental messages.

Messages that all my life I heard from my parents, which they broadcast constantly - it is important to separate them from yourself.

What the parents thought THAT was their belief system. They had the right to think so, I have the right to think differently.

At the next meetings, we worked to debunk negative monetary stereotypes, removed fears or lowered their level, realized and changed life scenarios from “surviving” to “living for pleasure, easily and simply”, removed the forks “OR / OR” to “And the first and the second at the same time”, worked with self-esteem and inner points of support, at which it is safe, familiar and easy to have more income than usual.

For some home exercises, the client turned on self-sabotage, for example, I could not write 100 of my desires, we worked with internal protest (a process in the psyche that blocks awareness and manifestation of our desires in full force). Here they came up with the topic that if he allows himself to desire and fulfill desires, then there will be no control, he will completely lose control and this is fraught with many consequences (get drunk, die). We built a balance of permissions and control so that there were no two sides of the pendulum (either I control myself too much or there is no control at all)

There were 8 sessions in total. The client said that she had changed and that now "there is a light at the end of the tunnel."

I can say that during our work, of course, we have not worked through everything that we have compiled in the money card.

Longer work is required to radically change life.

What has been created in the mind, in thinking, in habits, in reactions, in the subconscious for 40 years - you cannot change in a couple of months.

In any case, what has been done is already a big breakthrough for the client.

After a series of touches and changes, the client expressed herself about a number of changes in herself. That the head is already all in thoughts, ideas, this is already enough to live differently.

KL: “A lot has been discovered, I began to look at a number of significant things in a completely new way. I would like to apply it in life, I will go to change my being”.

On that we said goodbye.

Even during our work, the client changed her job for a better one. Now, 2 months have passed since our last meeting, the client wrote to Skype and said that she was promoted after a test line.

She began to allow herself spontaneous purchases, to please herself more.

I learned to let go of my son in my thoughts and live my life, live for myself first of all.