Always Out Of The Group

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In a joke about a man who, after a visit to a psychologist, stopped worrying about bedwetting, and now he is “proud of it,” there is a joke and his own truth … 20 years ago and now, I am more and more confident: I am not a member of the group. I don't know how to surround myself with a bunch of girlfriends, twitter for hours on the phone and get out in a crowd to cafes. Only now it doesn't affect my self-esteem.

I've always been out of the group. In kindergarten - because she did not pronounce "r" and believed, having heard enough, that I have a long nose and thick thighs. These are, of course, very important components for communication.

At school, I didn't build relationships, I avoided them. Reading and thoughtfulness are safer than communication and contacts, in which you can hurt yourself about teenage ridicule …

The fact that it is always about me, and not about someone, I realized in high school. Significant changes began with my training in the Institute's gestalt group and in personal therapy.

Therapy is an opportunity to do what there is no courage for in reality. Risk. And I risked something like this, addressing those with whom I wanted to communicate: "I am amazed at your dissimilarity to others, let's communicate / I think we have something in common." This technique did not always work, and I received different formulations of refusal. And - somehow survived = grew up).

For me, therapy is always a risk. A risk that always has a bonus.

After the first therapy, I saw that my mother is not the kind and monster that I see her in my fantasies.

After the tenth - that it is useful to speak your fears out loud or to prescribe in order to face what is hidden behind them.

After a year of therapy, I began to look at my dreams as at my own reflection in the crooked mirror of the subconscious …

Everything that and how I risk in my therapist's office, over time, gradually, I transfer it into my life. And I'm taking a big risk. But I am already ready - I know more about my feelings, I am more sincere, spontaneous, honest. And life is changing. In a "magical" way, those around me, who before "did not understand" and "infuriated" me, turn out to be responsive and interesting people; those who did not do everything the way I wanted, suddenly "saw the light" and we began to understand each other.

All this is the result of the risk that I have taken from my therapist's office into my life.

… Novice therapists and pseudo-psycho-counselors have such a feature: get rid of it, become different! stop getting annoyed, start loving yourself, communicate, make friends …

It seems to me that this is a betrayal of the essence of oneself. As the body does not lie, so my essence is with me forever. Now I appreciate the communication of 1-2 people instead of the crowd, I can be alone with myself without TV and toys from the tablet anywhere … This is my value and strength! This skill is as much a part of me as a hand or an ear. Where am I going to put it?

The Gestalt approach in this sense is very humane: instead of “against war” it stands for “peace”: yes, you have such a situation / problem … let's see how you can live with it … I'll be with you and help you."

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