2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many lend a sinister, magical character to envy. They say envy can somehow affect a person's life. Your life can only be influenced by your own envy, not someone else's.
The habit of giving envy a magical meaning: “I have failures in life, so someone envied me” is an infantile attempt to shift responsibility for my life, decisions, actions onto some Uncle Vanya or Aunt Frosya. "It's not me, it's they who jinxed me with their envy."
Magical thinking prevents a person from developing, but protects against feelings of guilt and shame. To admit that it was me who brought my life to ruin myself is to be courageous and mature.
In what sense can someone else's envy be really dangerous?
Envy is a hidden, unexpressed anger that can manifest itself in meanness, passive aggression, and unexpected attacks. This is true, but it has no mystical meaning.
How can you protect yourself from such a surprise attack?
Learn to recognize the first signals of envy and passive aggression and stop communicating with such a person.
What could be the signals that you are envied?
- You are constantly being criticized.
- You are given advice when you are not asking.
- You are accused of something that you did not do.
- They constantly argue with you until you turn blue in the face.
- You are constantly being compared to someone not in your favor, or the envious person compares you to himself.
- When you enthusiastically share something, you are devalued: "You will not succeed."
- They are constantly unhappy with you.
- As soon as you want to brag, they interrupt you and begin to talk about yourself in the most sublime tones. And you can be belittled or ignored.
In principle, all these signs are inherent in contact with a narcissistic personality. And the secret is that it is narcissists who are prone to toxic jealousy that destroys them and their relationships.
It is safe to say that envy leads a person to loneliness, isolation and breakdown of contacts. Envy is the cancer of all intimacy. If not recognized quickly, she can erode the relationship to an irreversible zero.
But there are two types of envy. I have already said about the first one. This is toxic jealousy. And it is very destructive. People call it "black envy".
The second type of envy is constructive or "white" envy. She is admiration for the achievements of another person.
Black envy: "I see that you are doing well and I do not want you to be well."
White envy: "I see that you are doing well and I want me to be just as good."
And this envy is constructive. She is the engine of progress. And people often say about her: “I admire you. I envy you with white envy. And this type of envy is permeated with vitality and courage, looking at another, to go a similar path of success.
Black envy leads to dirty competition, meanness, hooking, humiliation and hidden war.
White envy leads to prosperity.
Many successful people say: "If you want to be successful in some business, find someone who has already done it in this area and learn from him." And this is constructive envy. She is creative. And there is nothing dangerous in it.
But black envy is dangerous for the most envious, because it can lead not only to isolation, but also to serious illness. Because a person who is jealous constantly compares himself to someone else. But this is a pointless exercise, since no two people are alike. And this person compares himself with another, of course, not in his favor. At the moment of comparison, he does not want to be himself, he wants to be the other who seems to him better. An envious person does not accept himself as he is, he hates himself, rejects himself, renounces himself and his life.
The body avenges such things with disease. Disease is the body's protest against the destructive defense mechanisms that a person uses in his life.
In this sense, envy is an infantile mechanism for protecting a person from the responsibility of adult life.
And of course, such a person does not realize that his problem within himself is not in those whom he envies. The problem lies in his childhood, in his relationships with significant adults, who did not give him enough approval and recognition, did not support his self-esteem with praise and admiration, but, on the contrary, criticized, compared and humiliated him a lot.
A person then takes this model as the basis of life and then suffers both physically and psychologically. And of course, those people who come into contact with him suffer.
Because it is childhood narcissistic trauma, it takes work and mindfulness.
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