2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many people have everything we need to be successful, other than the emotional flexibility that helps all of us cope with the blows of fate. Flexibility starts with jumping off the hook of fruitless thoughts, feelings and schemes, and aligning daily actions with long-term goals, values, and hopes.
There are as many ways to get hooked at work as there are employees. Often during consultations, you see leaders who are hooked on the "assignment". They go to the meeting with a checklist of what to do, and only talk to meeting participants about specific items ("I need a sales report before lunchtime"), not just as people working towards a common goal ("Who has ideas how to improve the efficiency of the project? ") or use the same techniques (" How to give the consumer something unique that we are proud of? "). If a colleague does not fulfill his task, the leader becomes withdrawn and aggressive. Or he focuses on the little things (“The instruction needs to be approved by 5:00 pm today, no excuses”) and does not worry about more important needs, thoughts and desires of the group - for example, does not praise for a job well done. Or, in response, he will only be interested in what concerns the task: “Your indicators have decreased in this quarter” (instead of saying: “I see that your indicators have decreased. What problems do you have and how can we solve them together? ").
Instead, emotionally flexible managers don't pay attention to the little things. They know the details are important, but in thought and planning they move from assignment to goal. Before the meeting, an emotionally flexible manager may ask himself, "What is our (overall) purpose for this meeting?" "How will my feedback help them achieve their own goals?"
Another very common hook at work is, oddly enough, over-engagement. Until a few decades ago, work was considered a way to make a living and as much an area of life as clubs, hobbies, and a church or temple. Now, for many of us, the workplace is the main place of socialization, and careers are associated with well-being. In addition, we are taught everywhere that it is possible and necessary to look for a "target" in a robot. Of course, a robot is able to enrich our psychological well-being, but it can also be easier to lose perspective and sense of proportion.
Over-engagement manifests itself as:
- defensive reference to "experience",
- the constant need to have all the answers,
- inability to admit their mistakes.
In personal relationships with colleagues, this manifests itself as quiet meanness to colleagues, getting involved in other people's affairs, or excessive excitement due to other people's irritations and whims in your thoughts (or conversations).
To the person on the hook, “less engagement” sounds like dodging work. This is wrong. You can simply distance yourself, drop it all (holding you on the hook), discover many more dimensions of life and at the same time work more effectively for your true values.
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
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