2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Do you know why Nikki Minaj sings about her cat all the time? Certainly not about a cat she sings … Namely about her "pussy". And this is how she playfully calls her genitals - the vulva and the vagina, and this is how in her work she skillfully plays on the topic of sex, which is delicate for many.
It was a small prelude to the question: "how and why talk about sex?"
It is customary to joke about sex
On the one hand, talking about sex can be fun and fun. Of course, there is a lot of talk about sex in the media and the Internet, in advertisements, in songs, in books, in stand-up sketches. Sex is often spoken of in an ironic or judgmental way. It is customary to joke about sex. And I, among other things, took as an illustration for this article a collective image from the songs of the rapper Nikki Minaj, who loves to sing about sexual desires and sexual adventures, and allegorically sings about her genitals. She does it ironically and boldly, a bit like a farce.
In a relationship, talking about sex is difficult
On the other hand, talking about sex in an intimate relationship can be difficult, embarrassing because of shame. Especially if people are not joking, but talk about such a delicate topic as their own sexuality, their sexual desires, their sex. It will be scary to meet with a misunderstanding or a grin from a partner. It is much less common to talk about sex, genitals and sexual pleasure without the so-called banter. Negotiating sex, clearly identifying your desires and hearing the desires of your partner is not very accepted in the culture of the post-Soviet space.
Talking about sex is an area of great vulnerability. Do I need to talk about sex at all, if it's difficult?.. How to choose suitable, sufficiently respectful and safe words for such a conversation.
In the Russian language there is no good enough sex vocabulary "by default"
The default sexual vocabulary in Russian is rather rough. Here are some examples. There is a medical vocabulary. She will suit someone, but for another person it may be too cold and detached. There is slang and common parlance. Also suitable for someone, but for someone it will be too rude or ridiculous. There are "baby words" for genitals and sex. It will suit someone, but for many it is not at all sexy, because sex is the territory of adults, not children. There is swearing and criminal lexicon. Suitable for someone, but for someone it is obvious gross disrespect and humiliation.
It turns out that even choosing words for talking about sex is difficult. If everything is so sad, why not speak?
I think - to speak! After all, if not talking about sex, then how to agree with your partner or partner about sex that would suit both of you?
When you don't need to talk about sex in your couple
On rare occasions, talking about sex can be avoided. Everything will work out so well. For some couples at the beginning of a relationship, when a hormonal cocktail is in their head, this may not be relevant. In the wake of passion, embarrassment does not stop partners from violent and beautiful, intuitive sex. Happy couples in a happy relationship. And that's okay.
When it is necessary to talk about sex in a couple
Someone already at the beginning of a relationship is difficult, because people feel a lot of embarrassment, awkwardness. And it is not clear how to please the partner / partner. And that's okay too.
That is, at some point, partners need to start discussing sex, negotiate a sexual act, fantasize together in order to warm up attraction. At least half of the sexual intercourse takes place in our heads. We fantasize, anticipate. The anticipation of sex warms up bodily, genital sexual arousal. This can be a conversation about foreplay: who likes what and how. And the coitus itself. And about what is the most pleasant way to come to an orgasm … Or about which way is preferable now. And about what you want after sex.
So, we touched on the fact that talking about sex is difficult, but useful … So, how to talk about it?
Talking about sex is the territory of the couple's joint creativity
But I won't tell you so simply … Because every couple can find a suitable sexual language on their own. As partners like to designate, call the genitals. Someone can use medical vocabulary (penis, vagina, clitoris), someone playful slang. Remember the cat! Well, of course, not about the cat, but about the playful designation of the vulva. How to talk about intercourse is also a creativity that a couple does. What do you do - sex? Love? Or do you play doctor and you have … coitus? Look for your language of communication - both verbal and non-verbal. By the way, you can talk about sex not only out loud, but also in hot, sexually exciting correspondence. And you can also talk about sex with gestures. And sounds.
When you find your language, you will understand this, because it will speak to each other quite comfortably (not ashamed), not pretentious, not childish, not vulgar, but just right. And at the same time you will understand each other well.
If you can't agree, you can always come to therapy (individual or steam room) and help yourself make your sex life brighter and more fulfilling.
