2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The magic of the real. In whose voice am I speaking? Unfulfilled dreams, suppressed anger, hidden truth? They say that in analysis, the main goal is not to cure a person, but to help him get in touch with reality, i.e. in my understanding, to become real yourself. All this irritates, terribly enrages. How did I get all this complexity of self-understanding, all these wisdom. When I begin to catch the notes of a free vision of myself, I clearly understand how difficult it is, being imprisoned by complexes and false personalities, to see the essence, which is so difficult to understand, being outside the process of understanding. There is just a huge pile of anger, despair and fear, and it seems that there is no end or edge to this. Yes, it seems so real, I think so too.
But everything has opposites. Perhaps not understanding personal transformation is the opposite of understanding one's own disintegration. When I hear clients say “I don’t understand,” I don’t think about the resistance, about the parental transference and everything else, I think about what they understand by saying “I don’t understand”. What is this understanding that a person, understanding this, feeling this, living in it constantly, says - I do not understand.
It must be something strong and immense. In moments like this, I might tell myself and the client that I asked this question too early, because I, a psychologist, have not yet sufficiently understood his, the client's, answer.
Then whose voice am I hearing at this moment? In every psychologist there is a client who believes and hopes for the help of a psychologist sitting in the client. Perhaps this very reality lies in the area of intersection of the client's transference and the psychologist's countertransference, and in this general area, healing occurs by meeting with reality, no matter how metapsychic it may seem. The big question is, do I see myself in this reality, or do I see my fantasy about my reality.
The first follows from the second. If there is something unknown by man, but existing in the field of human cognition, then there must be something cognized, but existing outside the field of human cognition. Maybe it's the person himself? After all, it is impossible to know oneself, being at the same time an object of study and a studying subject. Perhaps the voice with which I speak is that unknown essence embodied in what I hear. And here again I return to the circle of heaps of anger, despair and fear (shit).
I hear my own voice, the circle closes where it opens. Did it make me more real? It is possible that two people were initially created different for a reason, they initially had an area of penetration into each other, symbolically represented in the analysis in the contact of transference and countertransference. An area capable of generating something third. Magic, pure mania. And this voice that I hear in this space is the voice of the speaking potential realities, speaking about the really existing unknown human essence. Most likely, this is how she can appear in reality, from this magical contact of two fantasies about reality.
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