CHILDFREY

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

People who CONSCIOUSLY made a choice in favor of the absence of children call themselves "childfree" (that is, free from children). Childfree does not include people suffering from infertility, that is, they would like to have children, become pregnant, give birth, but cannot either as a result of past diseases, injuries or congenital pathologies. They also do not include people who temporarily postpone the birth of children due to lack of sufficient material wealth, while receiving education, career advancement. Childfree ideology is now causing a lot of controversy, criticism, especially from prolifers (opponents of abortion, contraception, guardians of traditional family values). So who are these people and why did they choose a childless lifestyle?

The first type is narcissistic personalities. Not that they treated children badly, motherhood, but for themselves they decided not to burden themselves with parenting, to lead a free lifestyle. They love freedom, take care of their bodies, are intelligent, educated, mostly atheists.

Women of this type do not want to have stretch marks, spoil their figure, breast - by feeding, endure the hardships of pregnancy, do not want to change their usual way of life, reshape the daily routine for a child, sacrifice their personal space, limit themselves. They love to devote themselves to work (career), travel, self-development, personal growth. They have their own firm, well-established philosophy of life, worldview. These are hippies, travelers, careerists, lovers of new, vivid impressions, they saturate their lives with other values that are different from those of their parents and prefer to live for themselves.

The second group is ardent opponents of motherhood, parenting, and childhood. They are ardent debaters who seek everywhere and everywhere to prove their position in life and to convince opponents of their own righteousness. And if in the first group as such there is no intrapersonal conflict, then here we are already talking about neurotics and traumatics.

These people argue with relatives, parents, friends about not wanting to have their own children. Often they complain about the annoyance of relatives with questions about childbirth. Challenging a point of view that is alien to them, they, for the most part, try to convince themselves that yes, their position is correct, it is not subject to revision and discussion. Rather, it is an argument with oneself, an internal conflict between the natural instinct of procreation and fear of childhood and motherhood.

Extreme, radical supporters of childfree - child hate. These are haters of mothers, childbirth, they treat pregnant women with contempt and disdain: "sows, ovuli with larvae, fetuses, rats". They hate children, their whims, pranks, spontaneity, games. Children are presented as vile, disgusting creatures, bastards who are best killed. Here, childfree advocates often go for sterilization (vasectomy, pipe pulling).

Why such hatred, why such violent negative emotions? Hatred of children is hatred and contempt for one's childhood. They could see a similar attitude from the mother. Mom could talk about how children are a burden, hard work, a burden, a verbal or non-verbal message to the child: "It would be better if you weren't there."

In childhood, these people suffered direct physical or mental abuse from their parents. They do not want to have children, because they do not want their children what they have endured. They painfully remember their powerlessness and helplessness when they were small, hence the contempt and neglect of children. Aversion to motherhood is aversion to your childhood and your memories, to yourself, your inner child.

What if you want to have a baby and your partner is childfree? In this case, it will be useless to push your decision, it will be useless to go to blackmail and manipulation. You will face resistance equal to your pressure. If you are married, then the solution is to contact a family therapist. Investigate your partner's unwillingness - what is the reason? If he belongs to the first type of childfree, then with his conscious, balanced decision you will not do anything, you will either have to accept his choice or change your partner. If it refers to a traumatic person, then in this case it is only psychotherapy.