2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This is a very difficult text for me, because it is important to convey my idea so that there is no impression that I have changed my shoes while jumping.
I am categorically against victim-raising: I share guilt and responsibility, I believe that you have to think with your head and take measures for your own safety, I am enraged by stories from the series “grandmother remembered girlish nights and went to the media, not to the police,” I believe that it is necessary to refuse ambiguous sentences "here and now" - either with words through the mouth, or with a shovel across the forehead. In general, I’m not for men to shy away from women, afraid to close the door to the office or say a compliment once again, and I’m against those who, for the sake of cheap hype, break other people's lives. I am also not a supporter of stories from the series "I am a quivering doe, and could not refuse when he took me by the knee - since then I spit, but I eat a cactus" - read I sleep with the teacher for an A, give a blowjob to the producer for the role, please the boss for the sake of career, but then, choosing the right moment, I pour it all into the yellow press and put on sacrificial clothes.
BUT!!! Without denying all of the above, I cannot but say: having worked as a psychologist for many years, I am more and more convinced that it is NOT ALLOWED TO JUDGE ALL BY YOURSELF. If this did not affect me personally, if I am not afraid to loudly shout "NO", if I can slap anyone in the face, defending my honor, this does not mean that EVERYONE CAN DO THIS.
People who were abused in childhood freeze at the slightest repetition of the plot. They become so scared that at the moment of the touch of the "big and terrible" they are "flooded" with memories, they fall into trauma and really become a "quivering doe" unable to fight back. Then they cry and blame themselves for what happened. Do not offend - yourself! And this is just one example.
There are many situations where the potential victim is embarrassed and uncomfortable to draw public attention to the actions of the “rapist”. Not everyone is ready to jump up and pour a bowl of soup on the boss's head during a business dinner in a restaurant. Because no one saw him touching her under the table, and such an act would be considered inadequate. Not everyone is ready to run in HR during harassment at work, because often there is no HR, but there is a relative of the boss or an indifferent robot on the payroll. A cleaning lady from the near abroad, squeezed by the owner in the back room, cannot go to the police because she works illegally or is afraid that they will not only not believe her there, but will also add her.
Of course, it's right to draw attention to the harassment right away, but not everyone is capable of it. And the main thing is that our society DOESN'T ATTITUDE to this. Because there are no clear laws and mechanisms, but there are two extremes: condemning fans of the slogan "this would not have happened to me" and fanatical "metoo" who do not distinguish shades and are ready to break anyone for an idea. Life is much thinner and tougher, unfortunately. And you will be surprised how many real victims of abuse are simply silent, because bullying is often worse than the violence itself. And the task of society is not to take sides, but to provide a clear code of responsibility and behavioral norms. I'm afraid not in this life of ours.
As always, I'm waiting for you in the comments. I ask you to speak correctly as much as possible. The topic is not here for the hype. This is a truly serious and multifaceted problem that needs to be addressed.
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