The Psychology Of Happiness: 10 Principles Of Happy People

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Step-by-step instructions from psychologist Natalia Ghazaryan

What makes us happy

So I stumbled upon the Harvard Adult Development Research project led by psychiatrist Robert Waldinger. I was interested in the fact that our memory is not perfect, and often we cannot remember in detail what happened to us 15, 20, 30 years ago. However, even if we remember, it is in a distorted version, far from the original. We forget a lot of what happened to us in reality, and our memory thinks out reality. But on our memories, we build conclusions about what our life was like - happy or unhappy. How to define truth: what influences happiness in our life? What if you could track it down? It is unrealistic to do this on a global scale, but in a research format it turned out to be quite possible.

The research project was launched in 1938. The fourth generation of scientists is already working on it, who for 75 years, year after year, observed the lives of 724 men. The participants were divided into two groups. The first consisted of second-year students from Harvard College. The second group is the guys from the poorest areas of Boston. At the beginning of the study, all young men underwent interviews and medical examinations. Every two years, the project staff sent the survey participants questionnaires to fill out, conducted personal conversations at their homes, conducted observations, and met with their children. Conversations with the participants were recorded on video. As a result, some of the guys became a laborer, some - a dentist, a lawyer, and some - an alcoholic, schizophrenic. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom, one became the president of the United States, while others descended from the tops below the baseboard.

And only 75 years later, the results of the study were published. And what do you think scientists have learned about what makes us happy? Not hard work, not wealth, just one thing - good relationships with other people.

Three important facts about good relationships

First. Connecting with people is essential for a fulfilling, healthy life. Loneliness kills. It turns out that people who have a strong emotional connection with family, friends, society, are physically healthier, live happier and longer than people who are deprived of communication with others.

Second. Relationships must be of good quality. Every fifth person considers himself to be more or less lonely. You can be lonely even with your family, friends, associates. The state of constant loneliness poisons a person from the inside. Lonely people feel less happy, their health deteriorates, and their brain functions fail earlier. As a consequence, their lives are shorter than those of those who are not alone. Only high-quality relationships strengthen and make us happy. People swear and reconcile, this is normal. But, as research shows, in key situations, people have faith in the reliability of a partner, friend. A good mental environment is our protection.

The study found that those most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were healthiest at age 80. Neither cholesterol, sugar, or hemoglobin levels at age 50 became indicators of health at age 80. The happiest older couples said that even in a moment of intense physical pain, a feeling of happiness did not leave them. The only indicator of quality of life was that of good relationships.

AND third fact … A good relationship not only protects the body, but also the brain. And the brain is memory. There is a very close connection between external and internal processes. The message is: "Good relationship = happy and healthy life." It seems that everything is simple, but in life we often neglect such things, put them on the second, third plan.

Let's invest in our future by building good relationships now. Dividends will come to us guaranteed and very soon in the form of happiness, health, good memory. Place the biggest bets on your family, friends, like-minded people and be happy.

The principles of happiness

I want to share what principles I use in my life to be happy. I am convinced that working in this direction will lead everyone to a good life and quality relationships. So:

1. Success depends entirely on your point of view. Consider yourself successful, period. Destroy all the arguments that “it doesn’t work out, doesn’t add up, doesn’t stick”. Imagine them, visualize, and then mentally take a large, sturdy stone and break them. Projecting failure leads to constant challenges. Your low self-esteem is the result of an opinion imposed on you, in which you sacredly believe.

2. Understand for yourself once and for all - you are always successful. Accept yourself. Respect yourself. Work on it.

3. Sympathize with other people. Look around - there are a lot of people and they are all different. Don't be afraid to meet new people. Difficulty is normal. Any skill or ability does not appear out of nowhere. Diligent training will yield results. You need to work hard through "not comfort" and you will surprise yourself with the best side. Notice the good and the bright in people. Cut off negative evaluations.

4. Be able to see the perspective and be grateful to your family and friends, friends and colleagues at work. Grateful for the experience and situations that happened. Keep a gratitude journal, real or virtual. Once a week, use a journal to thank people for experiences, circumstances for opportunities, and so on. The diary will add ritual and consistency. There is always something to be grateful for. The main thing is to look at the right angle.

5. Be timely and reliable in every way. To be timely is when you do everything on time, when asked to do it, and not when the stars are in the right sequence or the weather has improved. Reliability is when you are sure that under any conditions they will hear you and help you. These concepts are closely related to each other, and they must be applied initially in relation to oneself.

6. Be attentive to yourself, to your actions and attentive to others. Start with yourself. Do not demand from others what you do not have. Pay attention to your surroundings. Any relationship is based on the exchange of energies and must be nourished. Do not be stingy, and you will be answered with the same coin.

7. Be truthful to yourself and to others. Truthfulness is when our actions, words and inner message are in harmony. The belief that you can convince someone of the sincerity of your feelings without their presence is utopia.

8. Watch what you listen to. The entry point is the exit point. If your environment complains about their husbands, children, mothers, fathers, mothers-in-law, health, or other circumstances, monitor it and direct the conversation in a different direction. Tell yourself and others, "I'm on a diet of good news." Don't be afraid to judge your words. Better to suggest another topic for conversation. Learn to get happiness from simple things, from your observation, open the door of your magical chest of fantasies and colors. After all, what you think or say about others, ultimately, should and will apply to you.

9. Be patient and persistent. Words, thoughts and attitude are good. But without difficulty, as they say … Consider all of the above as daily work on yourself. A systematic, regular approach is the path to personal success. And do not doubt for a moment in yourself, in your own strengths and capabilities. Do not doubt that people will appreciate you. Do you know why? They simply won't have other options.

10. And do you know what else is important? Consistency is important. Lack of regularity and the inability to keep the rhythm of positive change can lead you to think that it is not working for you or is not working. But remember the behavior of infants, babies up to a year - with what persistence they train their walking skills. Fell down - got up - walked on. And with what passion! Contaminate yourself with your own tenacity, desire, and faith. Your failures are the path to your success. Regularity and the ability to keep pace will take you into a completely different orbit. If you do not focus on yourself and your goals on an ongoing basis, then you will return to the starting position. Anyone who has set himself up for a long and patient siege will soon find that he has risen much faster than he imagined. Anyone who is content with quick changes will receive them, but not for long. Initially set yourself up for the fact that you are not building a one-room apartment, but a comfortable house of your dreams. Don't wait for a specific occasion. Your case will come when you decide. Stick to your decisions. Follow the solutions to the end.

And finally. Keep it easy, and take yourself and others less seriously. Laugh a lot. Learn by doing, but not losing sight of the end result. Discipline your thoughts, words, and actions to be true to your decision. Do everything with love.