Mom's Powerlessness

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Motherhood - it is at the same time beautiful and terrible, easy and wildly difficult, joyful and hellishly bitter. Motherhood, like our whole life, is very different. It highlights to us, mothers, everything at once - and our strength and our weaknesses.

There is one very striking condition that any mother faces.… Someone manages to accept and be happy in this, someone tries to fight him until his last breath. This is a state in which we are aware, we feel with every fiber of our soul our own powerlessness, the futility of our attempts to change the world, ourselves or the child.

From simple - broke a knee or difficult - lack of strength in himself today or dad came angry after work, to unsolvable - like an incurable disease or death of a loved one … We all faced inevitability - when something had already happened. And it doesn't matter if we could have influenced it before, whether it could have turned out differently, who is to blame. The main thing is that it has already happened.

Or an even more banal situation is a growing up child who makes decisions on his own. And mom clearly sees all the negative consequences, wants to prevent them, but the decision, and maybe its embodiment, is already there.

The simplest and most correct thing in such stories seems to be to continue to fight … Fight for the best, try to change the situation, people around. Refuse to believe that the inevitable is indeed inevitable. And then all forces are put on the fact that even if it moves, it is minimal, not noticeable and not obvious.

And what about the child at this time? He remains alone. And he so needs his mother's love, support, warmth. It is just important for him to see that his mother believes in him, that she is there. Mom at such moments is a beacon that shows that the land exists. She is a support, a mink where you can hide and gain strength.

But mom is so scared to admit that what happened can no longer be corrected. She, like a superman, strives to change the world, the child, herself. She flies to correct external circumstances, because, having now paid attention to what is happening inside herself, with the child, she herself will become unbearable.

This kid now does not need justice at school or cough medicine - he so badly needs warmth, love, support, mother's strength and stamina, her tenderness and gentleness. He also needs faith in himself.

But this girl just needs to make sure that her mother is there and loves her, even if she is in a bad mood or she is sick. And mom, instead of honest words and hugs, gets up and goes to cook her dinner, grumbling and not looking the baby in the eye. But supper is not at all important now, and a cookie could have been dispensed with …

What prevents us from stopping even for a moment and seeing reality? To see her, to honestly admit that there is like this, to be there myself and help the child not to get lost, not to run away, but to survive and move on?

Along with the recognition of the inevitability of the situation (a broken leg, a deuce, a betrayal of a friend), you will have to recognize your own imperfection, your own inability to be ideal. “I cannot change this, I cannot influence it - it has already happened or it does not depend on me” - it’s scary to admit our own weakness.

It's scary to admit this not only in front of a child. It is even more terrible to admit this to yourself. After all then I sign that I cannot be a wall for him, behind which it is always safe, which will provide inviolability and eternal happiness.

But the mother in such situations, with her own calmness and confidence, can convey to the child faith in herself, confidence in her own strength, that he is able to survive what is happening to him. Seeing the confidence in her eyes, his heart is filled with the same. And he already has the strength to cope with any disaster. He is already able to live, and not fight the windmills of the past or the inevitable.

And as a nice bonus, a mother can give her child the ability to remain himself - loving, warm, real, even if tired or even angry now.

Because in order to survive the bad weather, it is not necessary to transform into a superman and carry the clouds far beyond the horizon. You can just wait out the rain under the first roof you come across and even laugh at it or, finally, then enjoy hot tea in the warm kitchen.