2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often for educational purposes, parents say:
"she is stubborn with us", "he is a fighter with us" "quiet" "greedy" …
These are the so-called LABELS that adults glue on their children every day (sometimes on other people's children and even on adults).
The main danger of such statements is that they become programs that determine the behavior of the child both in the present and in the future …
It's like choosing a mode on a multicooker))
For the sake of fairness, I note that the positive attitudes "Mashenka is very obedient", "Smart boy, he will become a scientist" are also used.
I myself began to take care of myself, when communicating with my daughter, so that at first glance, positive words did not become a heavy burden for the child.
Positive attitudes are easier to change.
It is enough to start evaluating not a person, but an act and an action (I wrote about this in the article "How to Praise a Child")
But with negative attitudes, it is more difficult.
When we put up LABELS, children easily and quickly begin to match them
Well, my mother said that I was greedy, why then should I share ?! It's even a kind of alibi)
The main disadvantage of labels is that they are very difficult to get rid of, especially for children. The harmless definition of "modest", you can drive the child into a frame and he no longer dares to prove himself.
Remember that in the first years of life, it is we who form the child's attitude to himself, he looks at himself with our eyes.
Some of my acquaintances say: "But really you can convince him? If he decided so, stubborn horror!"
This is despite the fact that the child is not even three years old. These parents simply do not leave the child a chance to become more flexible. In addition, they conveniently relieve themselves of responsibility, such as he himself is, and we are victims. And instead of helping the child to overcome this stubbornness, to teach as differently as possible, they give him the installation that they did not expect anything else from him.
All this I mean is that it's enough to justify yourself, and, as it were, to apologize to others:
"sorry, he's a greedy man"
"sorry, she's so naughty."
Forget this old, harmful parenting pattern!
It is better to point out to the child what he did, discuss with him the ACT itself.
"Your room is a constant mess, you do not like to clean, I am sure you will soon get tired of it and you will understand how pleasant it is to be in a clean room."
Living with these labels is difficult.
For example, for many years I also wore the role of "three-girl" and "slob". I had to work hard to get them off myself)
Have you recognized yourself, or have you become a bearer of labels?
