2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The word "perfectionist" has become an integral part of our everyday speech. So we sometimes talk about a person when we want to emphasize that a person does something better than others in their field. Notices some details that others do not see.
Let's take a look at the psychological background underlying the concept of "perfectionism".
I like the definition that Brené Brown gives to this phenomenon in the book "Gifts of Imperfection":
“Perfectionism is the belief that by behaving perfectly, looking perfect, and living the perfect life, you can minimize the pain of shame, guilt, and outside judgments. This is a shield. A twenty-ton shield that we drag on ourselves, thinking that it can protect us."
The key characteristics in this definition are - protection from shame, guilt and judgment of others. The hands and feet of perfectionism grow out of a desire to protect oneself from criticism from others and from appearing naturally. Choosing synonyms for the concept of perfectionism, it is better to use not the phrase made "perfect", but rather correct and safe.
The goal of this endeavor is to create some constructs that help maintain a self-image that must certainly be accepted by other people. For example, a child who gets A's at school and is considered an excellent student has an excellent alibi to protect himself from parental discontent and not be faced with painful questions about how justified his existence is.
“Irreplaceable specialist”, “good girl”, “successful businessman”, “ideal mother” … - all these images can penetrate into the consciousness of a person in a concentrated form in order to put them in front of oneself as shields, one could justify one's existence: “Look, I have an alibi! Then you can not feel pain in the place where there is a mismatch with the outside world. Unfortunately, there are a lot of such places in life.
Perfectionism often leads a person away from “doing perfect” to not starting work at all. After all, a writer who has not written a single book, an artist who has not drawn pictures, will not receive derogatory criticism and at the same time can retain an idealized image of himself. In this case, perfectionism manifests itself as a monolithic lump that gets in the way of a person and blocks any movement.
If you look at the essence of this phenomenon, then the problem is not so much that a person strives to do something "in an ideal way." And the fact that it is difficult for a person to accept himself and the fruits of his activities. Accept with all the cracks, imperfections, flaws and mistakes.
Therefore, it seems appropriate to separate the concept of "skill" and the concept of "perfectionism". After all, the first leads to the development of the personality, and the second leads to fears, fear of making mistakes and the expectation of censure from others.
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