I Have To Deal With The Impossible. Early Adult Therapy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have to deal with the impossible. Early adult therapy

This "you are already an adult, you must" - sounds for a child at any age just like that, out of context. Are you already two (three, five), and you still can't make the bed (don't upset mom, don't make dad angry)? Not good. "And here I am at your age …".

The child is frightened and ashamed, begins to sympathize with his parent with all his might, is afraid of his disfavor, and with all his might learns to make the bed, feed his brother, not upset mom and not anger dad. He becomes very empathic due to a strong fear of possible rejection. After all, the disfavor of a parent for a child at a certain stage is, in fact, psychological death, a very strong stress. And if mom and dad argue, the child tries to reconcile them. We must survive and learn everything. And if dad suddenly attacks mom, beats, you need to protect her - it's a pity, terrible! And if mom complains that there is no money, you need to eat less and not ask for toys. It's so hard for her.

And the child begins to learn about adult life and its problems very early. And his future life will be specific and difficult. After all, there was no childhood.

And such an adult, with an unlived childhood, who does not have the experience of carelessness and reliance on satisfied mom and dad, will unconsciously strive to return to his childhood all his life. And stay in it, even for a second …

And with his apparent independence, if possible, and earn, and be socially realized, in close relationships such a person seeks to "go" to those childhood years that he did not live through, in which he did not receive important relaxation and support. According to age. And this would be important for the personality to form an internal, supportive parental figure. But she is not. There is only one that makes, frightens.

And then we get such a paradox. It seems to be an adult, with a mind, responsible, knows and understands a lot, but in a relationship he becomes very small, two or three years old, and maybe even younger.

Childhoodless Client Therapy

If a message was broadcast to a child (in a verbal or not quite verbal form) that he must and must cope with what he cannot do, he will think and feel that this is the way he needs it. And he will try. He will be scared and terrified, he will feel insecure and helpless, but gradually these experiences will be supplanted and "as if it will not be." When such a physically adult person comes to psychotherapy, then already at the first consultation next to him, empathically, one can feel his high level of anxiety, about which he knows nothing. Such a person sometimes very passionately and quickly wants to "solve everything" and will, as it were, force the therapist to be "on the same wavelength" with him, that is, "to run ahead of the locomotive at the speed of light."

And if you tell him that this makes you feel very tired, the client may not immediately understand. How?

He expects the same from the psychologist, which he always requires of himself. Impossible.

It is often difficult for such clients to come to therapy, as they believe that they can do everything themselves. And they simply protect themselves from different feelings and their own powerlessness.

And what motivates them to come sometimes is either some kind of psychosomatic symptoms, or specific failures in life. Where they face limitations and cannot overcome them. The psychotherapist then, in their understanding, is an even more omnipotent person. And if they notice that the therapist is not like that, they become frustrated. "Again I am all myself, all alone. No one is stronger than me …". This is exactly the childhood experience next to the "uncooling" parent.

And the therapy of such a client will, of course, be to plunge into that age where he did not "get" his carefree state, and "did not feel" the trust of the parent figure, to mom and dad, who are able to take care and protect from unnecessary things. Of course, this can take a long time. But now, in his horror, he will no longer be so alone.