Birth Of The Self

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Birth of the Self

What is the Self and how is it formed?

Under the Self it is customary to understand a person's own personality, it is as a unifying link between the conscious and unconscious parts of the psyche. The self, according to Jung, is the archetype of wholeness, a kind of symbol of the completeness and unity of the personality.

Each person is born with a unique genetic heritage and has a "temperament", but the aggregate of these "raw" materials that we take with us from the mother's womb are not the Self. All this must wait for the second, namely the psychological birth of a certain entity, which over time each person will call “I.” we cut off the belief that the face from which this gaze comes is somehow part of ourselves.. this is the first rudimentary "I". At the age of 2 to 4 months, the baby becomes more and more accustomed to a special caregiver, recognizing in him the person who feeds him, comforts and soothes him. A "recognizing smile" appears, intended for a specific person, this factor is considered the beginning of the psychological stage of the so-called "symbiotic fusion". The baby's sense of the Self merges with his sense of a caring Other, and the rest of the world becomes completely unimportant. After a few months, the baby begins to gradually "hatch" from its symbiotic egg, studying other people, noticing their differences from the Mother. By the age of 7-10 months, the baby is already able to move away from the Mother, crawl, take an upright position, using her as a support. The gaze begins to wander towards the surrounding world, towards its exploration Age 10-12 months - the baby begins to walk, and the stage of "huge redundancy" begins, which lasts up to 16-18 months. The baby becomes more and more full of his activities, sometimes forgetting about the presence of his mother. Then, completely unexpectedly, he seems to be running out of steam inside, and he returns to her, for “refueling.” If in such cases he fails to find it, his behavior changes - he can calm down to lose interest in what surrounds him, Analysts believe that in such cases the child withdraws into himself, trying to find the image of the Mother inside. Only after reuniting with the Mother does he enthusiastically continue his exploration of the world. He is still the One, and this circumstance is still very important for the development of his self-confidence. At this stage, the child is not yet able to cope with his feelings on his own. His inner life is still characterized by the presence of the Mother along with psychological merging with her, which allows him to cope with both strong joy and excitement due to his discoveries, and with the frustrations associated with the fact that he is small and vulnerable in this vast world.

Studies of the brain of babies have shown that during two critical stages of development: - 10-12 months and the second 16-18 months, the development of the brain regions that regulate emotions is directly related to the life of the child. In fact, one of the many functions is for him to learn to cope with his feelings; this ability is essential for the separation of the sense of the Self, that is, the autonomous “I.” A sensitive mother picks up the mood of her child and helps to reduce the intensity of feelings of an overexcited or upset baby, but at the same time she knows when to allow him to experience some overexertion, contributing to the development of his own emotional restraint.

10-18 months - the attitude towards the Mother changes noticeably. If the Mother showed enough joy and interest at the stage of symbiotic fusion, then the child gets the opportunity to separate from her.

First of all, the Mother turns out to be a nanny and a partner in games for the child, but in the next 6 months she becomes a “no-no” person for him - that is, a person who, with her prohibitions, makes him feel the “cold shower” of socialization. gradually begin to give way to "states of slight depression", which is normal and performs a very important function - it contributes to the further development of the brain area that controls the conservation of energy and the containment of emotions. The child learns to smooth out the intensity of unpleasant emotions, resorting less and less to the help of others. Each new skill contributes to the development of his self-confidence and allows him to take the next step, approaching his autonomy.

In preparing children for life, socialization aims to limit unwanted behavior by frustrating what brings pleasure. In order to force a child to give up pleasure, it is necessary to evoke in him a strong emotion of shame, which is for him a betrayal from the point of view of his illusion of a perfect union with the Mother. From now on, a loved one can cause a feeling of shame, a child can feel empty and wounded. This injury is very significant and instructive. It makes it possible to understand that the Mother is a separate person and the child's place will not always be at the very top. However, this injury must be applied very delicately. Shame is a very difficult emotion for a baby and in order to cope with it, a child needs an open, responsive and emotionally accessible adult nearby. At this moment, the child needs a soft look, warm touches and kind words. This is very important for the healthy formation of a sense of Self. The child thus understands that unpleasant feelings can be experienced, that despite the frustrations he can trust. If this does not happen, then the child has a feeling that his needs and feelings are shameful, and he himself is bad. Adequate adult support is essential here.

The positive side of shame is that it inhibits the natural selfishness that blooms at this time and allows the child to have a great experience of interacting with others. Children have to learn that they are significant and unique, but no more than any other person. Small doses of shame, followed by consolation, help children transform their grandiose feelings into a more realistic self-image.

At about 18 months of age, the mother and baby can no longer function long and effectively as a symbiotic “We.” The illusion of the Mother's omnipotence is gradually dying away. At the same time, up to the age of 3, the extremely energetic child becomes increasingly aware of his vulnerability and becomes concerned about the mother's whereabouts. and feels anxiety when she leaves him. In his presence, he demands that she share absolutely everything with him. This stage is called the restoration of warm relations. This is the final stage of the separation-individualization process. The presence of anger and rage during this period reflects the child's indignation, his increasing awareness of his true place in the world and loss of control over his Mother, who was once a part of him, like a face or hands, At the end of this stage, a healthy child appears with a realistic sense of Self and awareness of the autonomy of others.

The first 2-3 years of life are a period of narcissism, when the child's self-hood is not fully developed and he lacks awareness of the otherness of others. The task of the parents is to show and observe the boundaries that the child does not see and to teach them to live in peace with others. If this does not happen, we may be stuck in the stage of childhood narcissism. It is the absence of a full-fledged separation-individualization process that leads to the emergence of a narcissistic personality.

But this is already a separate and large-scale topic, about which you can talk a lot.

Parents undoubtedly influence the development of their own child and I want to believe that in this regard, people who become parents will be knowledgeable and successful.