Children Are Our Mirrors

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What should parents do when they cannot find a common language with their children?

Parents often turn to me with a request to help improve their relationship with their children. Mothers, fathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles and everyone who thinks that it is necessary to save children and family relationships are appealing.

This most often happens when children are 9-12 years old. Interesting age. Already not a small child, but not a teenager either. This is where the fun begins. And what actually happens during this period? Everything is very simple!

It begins to slowly dawn on parents that when a child screams, giving him a breast is no longer suitable. You can shout to shut up, but it doesn't work either! No one is standing in the corner and the toys that are presented become more expensive day by day … Already, it seems, I don't really want to clean up the scattered clothes in the children's room. If only because, having come home from work, you want to eat and lie on the sofa. Yes, it was not so! The dishes are not washed! A mess in the apartment! The grains are not laid out and the horses are not unharnessed! And those who want to get to the ball are a dime a dozen …

And the fifth point parents sense that something is not according to plan, but nothing can be done about it. So you have to scream, put your hand, well, or whatever falls under it. Or, even worse, let go of those same hands, and in powerlessness just let everything go to chance. Quickly re-do everything myself, and fall without legs from fatigue … And again all over again.

And what about the child? Do you think he's having fun? Do you think he is pleased to see a tired and embittered mother? Or, to see screaming parents who cannot agree with each other, often taking out their grievances on children. Or do you think that they are pleased to be at your errand? Bring this, do it. Children express their dissatisfaction with family problems in their own way. Someone shows their aggression, and someone withdraws into themselves. There are children who are constantly sick, and there are those who lie. And parents, as if deaf … Constantly look for the guilty and those who can wave a magic wand, and all their problems will disappear by themselves. No, no! This does not happen.

And before you turn to a psychotherapist for help, you, dear parents, should think about it and ask yourself a simple question: "Who is obliged to raise your children?" Although, I agree with L. Tolstoy, who said that there is no need to bring up children. They will take the whole example from their parents anyway. And children need to be educated.

And of course, to help kids get better, you need to start with yourself.

If your daughter doesn't seem to dress the way you like, then first look at yourself in the mirror. What do you look like? Do your eyes shine with pleasure? A daughter for a mother is her mirror! Don't like something about your daughter? Thank her for the lesson, and quickly find this quality in yourself. Do you have enough or in short supply? Did you want this as a child or is this your adult dream?

Well, if you find your son very lazy and sitting at the computer all the time. Or your son, it seems to you not as courageous as you expect from him, then, the first thing to do is to look at your man who is next to you. How much he knows how to keep his word, how confident he is, how he treats you as a woman: with respect or not. Because your son is his father's mirror. But, not as a mother, as many mothers want it.

If you want to raise a real man from a son, take care of your own husband first. So everyone will benefit from it.

Of course, this is only a small part of what you can do before going to a specialist. It is also important to read, for your general development, the tasks of the appropriate childhood. What a child should do on his own at the age of 9-13 and what he needs to learn. It would also be nice to understand male and female psychology. Know your rights and responsibilities, create your own rules in the family and tell your children about it. Because you cannot ask a child what you have not taught him. Keep in mind that there is also a school and various circles, which can also teach what you cannot. There is also a school psychologist who can conduct conversations with your child, at least every day.

And you know, as they say, if you did everything you could and nothing helps, then read the instructions. And the instruction is you, dear parents. And if your instruction is written with errors, and you understand and realize this, only then you can contact a psychotherapist, whose competence is to help you, to change your instructions. Launch in it a healthy mechanism for the development of your life and your personality, which you, boldly, can pass on to your children.

The main thing that parents should understand and realize is that it is you who are responsible for the life and health of their children, and not vice versa. At least until the age of 18, children are supported and supported by you. It is not for children to tell their parents how to live and what to do. Your task is to teach children everything that is significant within the framework of our today's culture. Instill in your children such concepts as "hard work" and "taste for work."

And live the way you would like your children to live. Show them a good example to follow. And, be patient, which is not so unimportant.