2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The fragmentation of the human psyche is not a symptom of a split personality, but a feature that we all possess
When a person has an injury, the first reaction is the need for survival, protection. All physical and mental resources of the body are directed towards returning to a state of well-being. If the trauma is of a mental, emotional nature, a person resorts to the main form of psychological protection - consciousness is divided into the Wounded Aspect and the Protector Aspect. The individual qualities of the Wounded and the Protector vary from person to person, depending on the shades of trauma that he has experienced.
Take a child who loves to sing and gives the family concerts in the living room with costumes and tickets (which family members are proud to attend). One day it’s time for the little artist to go to the kindergarten. Raised by parents in an atmosphere of acceptance, the baby continues to joyfully express himself among his peers. One day, a new teacher comes to replace and brings with her an assertion of equality among all the children in the group. Having noticed the artist, the teacher fulfills her important educational duty and makes him laugh in front of the other children - who, of course, readily support her statement. “Are you, perhaps, the navel of the earth?” She says, and her remark has been floating in the air for more than one day among dozens of ridicule.
Since social isolation is tantamount to death for a person, the little artist receives a mixed signal on this day: from today on, it is not clear to him how to act. He used to be talented and wonderful; today he is being kicked mercilessly for this talent. To cope with the feeling of inner ambiguity, the baby's consciousness is split into the Wounded Artist and the Protector. The Defender usually manifests itself in one of two variations: either it is the Dull Narcissist, who continues to bend his line despite the influence he has on the world, or the Codependent Chameleon, who adopts the colors of others in order to gain approval and seamlessly integrate into any team.
Both the Narcissist and the Codependent are social adaptation mechanisms.
Both Narcissist and Codependent are NOT mental disorders, but the most common way to coexist with other people in modern society
The advantage of the Narcissus is the ability to keep its borders from alien encroachments.
The codependent's advantage is social approval. Society always supports the sacrifice.
In reality, both mechanisms are sides of the same coin. Both the Narcissist and Codependent adaptations occur during the same type of trauma - social disapproval. Both mechanisms are associated with the natural need to unite with others, and are a reaction to social rejection.
Both the one and the other Defender primarily look after the interests of the Wounded. The narcissist does this openly - for which he receives a click on the forehead from people who feel that "selfishness" and "self-obsession" are qualities that are not characteristic of a good person. Failure to see that everything we do on the planet today is self-motivated, fosters a liking for Codependents and condemnation of Narcissists. And whether it is an interest in direct financial gain or in a feeling of sincere joy in helping a neighbor - following personal interest is considered something shameful, shameful. Good people put others first, and then, if they have enough strength, they pay attention to themselves.
It's time to wake up and see that each of us always acts from the state of self-care, self-love, in the form that is available to him. Even if the actions of a person from the outside are regarded as destructive or contrary to themselves, from the point of view of this person, the choice that he makes is always justified
The person who has chosen the Codependent Chameleon as Protector will judge the emotionally unpredictable Narcissus. The irony is that since each person subconsciously strives for inner integrity, the fusion of all aspects of himself, the Codependent will find Narcissists incredibly attractive sexually - and vice versa.
The codependent satisfies his need for union by merging with his partner. Codependents are masters of this fusion. Many Codependents manage to adopt the personality of their partner so ideally that their partner thinks that he has found his ideal soul mate. But in the life of every Codependent there comes a moment when it becomes energy-consuming to maintain the chosen image. At this moment, the Codependent begins to flicker the need to know the real self - and often this Real Self goes against the idea that the partner has developed about him. Disappointment is inevitable.
The fragmentation of consciousness that occurs during trauma gives rise not only to the duet of the Wounded and the Protector. During trauma, such common subpersonalities as the Abuser and the Offended, the Entrepreneur and the Procrastinator, the Intelligent Achievement Student and the Queen of the School are born. The opposite aspect is usually demonized and suppressed. The aspect chosen for identification is characterized as “good”. Interestingly, the demonized aspect usually causes irritation when faced with it in the outside world. When we meet people identified with an aspect opposite to our "main", these people irritate us … or excite. Romantic attraction - it is!)
The fear of loneliness is what forces our individual consciousness to fragment. Fear of being alone - because of it we resort to manipulating another person. All our interactions with another person are aimed at getting from him a specific, planned reaction by us.
The very need for adaptation, the purpose of which is relationships with other people, is due to an unhealthy social environment in which some emotions are condemned and others are encouraged. After all, if one could express personal truth without fear of being torn apart, would there be a need to manipulate others in order to gain love and support?
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