The Psychology Of Envy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The hallmark of people who are characterized by envy is the constant comparison of themselves with other people. And in most cases, not just yourself. They can compare their children with the children of friends, their husbands with the husbands of friends, their success in work with others' successes, etc.

That is, what the "envious" themselves have has no value for them. The main thing is that the neighbor has. And if the neighbor has more or better, then that's all … It is necessary to fight with such envy. It is necessary to investigate such envy and try to understand what psychological problems and human needs it is talking about?

Of course, to overcome the envy of those who easily go through life, to the so-called "lucky" is quite difficult. Therefore, it is almost impossible not to envy at all. But it is wrong to constantly envy, not only from the point of view of moral and moral standards, but also from the point of view of the unproductiveness of this feeling, suppressed emotions. Repressed emotions are known to be destructive. Envy of another person, his successes and achievements, people devalue their own potential, their achievements and opportunities … If we talk about envy, which manifests itself only occasionally, episodically, then such envy is not necessarily destructive.

For example: the girl met her friend and saw that she had lost weight. Our girl also wanted to lose weight for a long time, but she couldn't. She was still lazy, put off going to the gym, etc. And when she saw her friend, she thought: “It turns out that Sveta has willpower, but I don’t?” As a result - envy pushes her to action - the girl nevertheless signs up for the gym and begins to stick to the diet more strictly.

The next example: a process engineer was a little jealous of his colleague at work: “Strange. It seems to be a mediocre development, but for it they also paid a separate premium …"

Our engineer also decided to give it a try and - by changing his usual work direction - surpassed his colleague. Its development was sent to a pan-European competition. And the amount of his prize exceeded the amount that was awarded to a colleague.

Of course, not always everything goes so well.

But in fact, one can observe situations when episodic manifestations of envy, for people with high inner potential and self-confidence, prompted them to new achievements.

The only thing that is important at these moments is to stop and think: what exactly do you want? Lose weight because Svetka has lost weight? Fly to rest in Bali because a friend was vacationing there? To make your own development, so that the "colleague" does not go around with such a smart look?

So that it does not happen that, focusing on someone else's result, you find yourself in pursuit of other people's achievements and do not live your life. That is, you achieve something, but it does not make you happy.

Therefore, the best thing that a person can do with his envy is either to go to therapy, or to find out the nature of his envy himself, to investigate what situations of success of other people are typical for the manifestation of envy in him, etc. All this will help to understand himself, in his landmarks, needs, in their real desires.

What's important:

1. Live your life.

2. Try, try, compete, strive! At the same time, try so that your driving force was not a feeling of envy, but desire, passion, love for your work (for your family).

3. Always remember that by being jealous, you agree that the other person's uniqueness, significance, and worth prevail over your own. You will recognize him as a winner and yourself as a loser.

4. If the feeling of envy visits you often - contact a psychologist, psychotherapist.

psychologist Tatiana Smirnova, Kiev.