Designate Children In Charge

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Zakurenko Svetlana

I like the theory that children set false goals, fight for them, thereby causing negative emotions in their parents. There are four such goals, the most common two being the struggle for power and attention. Let's talk about them

Give attention voluntarily

A classic example. You are talking on the phone and the child immediately needs to play, draw, get it, help. Can't cope without you. You get annoyed because the conversation is urgent or important.

Irritability is a criterion by which you can determine the false goal of a child, in this case we are talking about the struggle for attention.

In this case, it is necessary to resort to preventive measures - to give attention regularly, variedly and sincerely. All the same, we are talking about your child, so you have to get involved in games, communication. By the way, playing with a child is a great way to nurture your own childishness.

But do not set false goals like "I will wait until I start playing games that are interesting to me and then I will play." It is necessary to play at the children's level, so to speak, degrading to kindergarten. It's actually fun. It is not for nothing that parents are so enthusiastic about choosing toys, often buying what they liked in their own childhood or what was not there. This is not always what your child will like, but there is a chance to coincide.

If the child receives attention on a regular basis, then there is no need to fight for him. It is easier to agree with him so that he can play on his own during a telephone conversation, and even without an agreement, such children are often able to occupy themselves, at least for a while.

By giving your child time voluntarily, you close his need for attention, affection and love. Accordingly, he will grow up to be a more resilient person who does not need to cling to others, suffer from a feeling of rejection, or avoid communication for fear of rejection. The world as a whole is a very pleasant place for such a child.

Make them the main

It sounds dubious, but it actually works. This is something from the series of "choice without choice", when you give a choice of two hats, the child seems to be choosing himself, but in fact he chooses from the one offered by you.

So "to be in charge" can be conditional, more precisely within the framework of a specific case that you choose. It is important for a child to be significant, to decide something, to speak out, to participate. But more often parents forbid, they cut off so that they know their place, do not get involved in the conversations of adults and, for a start, have grown up.

And this is all true, but it is possible to fulfill the child's need in such a way that it does not negatively affect relations with adults. So, come up with some kind of business where the child will be the main one. You can artificially overestimate the importance of this case, and then teach the child to participate in the main role in this case, encouraging him with praise, expanding the scope of authority.

For example, our three-year-old child has been appointed in charge of freshly squeezed juices in the house. He initiates this procedure himself, or if he just voices a desire, he immediately rushes into the kitchen screaming “juice, juice, juice”. Then the assembly of the juicer begins, the selection and cutting of fruits. The main one is he. If in the store, then he will choose fruits for juice.

Likewise, he participates in the preparation of borscht and pizza. Somehow it turned out that he is our chief in the kitchen.

By the way, now we are talking about the second false goal - the struggle for power. And if a child has certain tasks, where he is the main one, where he is reckoned with, then there is no need to fight for power.

In addition to a very important matter such as "squeezing the juice", it is necessary to often invite the child to make a choice himself: what he wants or what to cook to eat, allow him to choose a gift when he is going to visit, what clothes he should wear. This reinforces his feeling that he is in charge, but also teaches him to make a choice, to make decisions.

Of course, you are in control of the selection process. For example, don't let slip on when it's freezing outside. There will be a conflict of interest, where he will be faced with the fact that not only he and not in everything is the main one.

It is anger to determine that a power struggle has begun. If you are angry, then the child has entered into a power struggle with you.

The listed measures are preventive. If you give the child the feeling that he is deciding something, then these clashes for power will not be enough. Although not excluded, of course. And here one must be able to get out of the struggle, and not continue it.