2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
At some point in therapy, the phenomenon of resistance to therapy and the therapist is invariably revealed
Here's the most common example
The client discovers that he is going to therapy as if he were going to work
He notices an intense desire to get his “A” in therapy, experiences a feeling of obligation and lack of freedom
Resistance arises after the obligation, which is expressed in the most varied types of sabotage - from being late to the session to lying.
On a symbolic level, the client sees psychotherapy as an occupation that is needed by the parental figure, and not by the client.
And he experiences the absence of contact accompanying this scenario.
Once upon a time, no one asked a child - can he do what is required of him? Does he want to? Do you need help, assistance?
Protest, resistance is a natural response to such a violation of boundaries. Healthy for the child and natural.
And at that moment - the only possible way to defend your "I".
… The client can resist my interpretations - because they seem to him to impose values alien to him.
Sometimes he resists what he sees as an assessment.
Of course, all this had already happened in his experience, and wounded him.
Sometimes client resistance is triggered by the boundaries defined by the therapist.
Because the client himself does not yet feel his boundaries well, and therefore sabotages mine)
……………………………
Once at one of the therapeutic groups we discussed the topic of children's lies.
The participants recalled how their parents insisted on honesty, punished for deception….
But the children still cheated, even though they were afraid and felt guilty.
Why do children still lie, even in spite of the dire consequences?
Because sometimes they have no other way to avoid unjustified expectations, or to get themselves a piece of joy, freedom or resource. This is so important that the child takes risks, regardless of the consequences.
………………………………………
…. When I or a client notices this scenario, we establish: what does he see as violence on my part? What triggers trigger resistance?
Just as criminologists investigate a crime scene, so we reconstruct in every detail and detail the old events. What for?
Then, that resistance is not a mature way to defend your "I". In this scenario, there is a victim and there is a stalker.
The victim, even when he resists, remains a victim.
In order for the victim to cease to be it and become autonomous and independent, it is necessary to separate, separate from the parental figure.
I will now rationally describe this process. I hope that we all remember that we must live it, and not just understand it
- Notice your resistance in similar, repetitive circumstances
- Connect this scenario with what happened in childhood with an adult who waited more than you could do (at least reconstruct)
- To admit that at that moment in time you did not have the right and the resource to defend yourself in any other way. Acceptance will gradually relieve guilt.
- Recognize that the resistance was caused by excessive expectations, not "laziness" or badness.
- To experience all the feelings that remained in connection with the violation of borders (as already mentioned, excessive expectations when there is not enough resource is a violation of borders)
- Explore and acknowledge your current, realistic capabilities.
- Assign the right to live in accordance with the resources that you have today.
……………….
After a while (sometimes - years) YOUR motivation will appear and get stronger
……………………
From now on, dear client, you will come to therapy for yourself, not for me.
By the way, this will make me feel better, because I don't really like being a tyrant in your eyes.)
From the moment we "become" equal with you, you will find the right words to define your boundaries.
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