2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Wait, but what about - "Dream, set big goals for yourself?"
Isn't a dream a prototype of a goal?
No. Often a dream is a fantasy world where a person hides in order not to take responsibility for his life today.
This allows you to merge all the energy into plans and dreams, living in the illusion that something is happening. In plans and dreams, everything is already gorgeous and is getting better and better. And in the meantime, real life passes through a weak unnoticed background, there is simply not enough strength for it.
Why all this? Why is that?
The way to hide in fantasy is formed in childhood as a defense against an intolerable reality. In dreams, it is very comfortable to wait out something that is not very pleasant, which is happening now. Dreams are formed on parental calls: “but you endure, but on the weekend…”, “summer will come in two months…”, “holidays are coming soon, that's when..!”
The child learns to wait out life, hiding from an unpleasant and aggressive reality in his personal world, where everything is fine, and his dreams that the time will come when everything will be different. For some, this method becomes a favorite and turns into a permanent psychic refuge from real life.
people have been waiting for a better life for years, decades (!), living in their own fantasies
They are waiting for some important external events, with the arrival of which their life will change: “here, I will finish my studies, I will receive a certificate - then I will spread my wings!”, “Here, we will pay off the loan, then..”, “here, my husband will give a raise, and a different life will begin..”,“when children grow up..”,“when summer comes…”,“here, I will meet him..”, etc. etc." Very, very soon everything will change, you just have to wait."
And in the meantime, a fantasy world is being created in parallel, where you can run away, so that it is easier to wait - a dream world, where everything is fine, where all these benefits are already there now. There is a house that you want, and a garden in front of it, and a wrought-iron gate, and a beloved family, and money, and prosperity, and a favorite job, and recognition …
if all the forces that are spent on living in a dream were used for real changes, for life here and now, that would be progress
"There is only a moment between the past and the future - it is he who is called life."
It is difficult to stay on this edge between thoughts about the past and dreams about the future, while remaining in the moment “now”.
After all, life “here and now” requires concentration of attention on the present moment. On the reality that is present now. There are no events and people from the past in it, there are no events, people and places from the future, there is only what is now.
But the brain obligingly closes reality, taking into dreams, experiences about what does not exist and will definitely never happen (it will definitely be different - a different context, different events, and people will say different words).
a dream is a bubble of reality that never existed
It is a mental retreat from real life. An unreal world in which you can hide from the hardships of the present, comforting yourself with the hope that a dream is “plans for the future”, “motivation for change”.
But this is a world that exists only in your head, and while you are THERE, nothing happens HERE.
How much of your energy do you spend staying in a dream? Think intuitively …
People spend up to 95% of their energy living in dreams. They fall asleep and wake up with them, they go there in moments of tension, they hide there from important decisions, from actions that need to be taken and important steps that they do not dare to take. They hide in fantasies from their responsibility for the real ones. And they often completely drop out of it. The only life in which everything happens, the reality that they possess, passes through them …
changes only take place here and now
There is no point in trying to remake the past or to live with thoughts in the future. Everything that happens to you happens only now - in this reality and in this present.
change begins with acceptance of what is
change starts with responsibility
Not even from actions, but from the awareness of what is happening and from taking responsibility for your action or inaction.
There is no point in doing, just for the sake of doing something. Chaotically rushing from side to side.
The first step is to allow yourself to face reality. To be in it without leaving dreams and plans.
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