2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Dear Parents. Please. Don't leave your children. Never. Whatever happens. No matter how sweet and colorful you may imagine a fantasy called “grow up - then we will catch up”, it is not destined to become a reality. Because there will be no "later" for your relationship
Your child will never take the first step a second time in life. He will never say his first word again in an encore when he turns 18. He will never come to you with a problem if he has long learned to solve them without you. He will not be frank after 33, if before that there was "not enough" time for his experiences because of work or another family.
There will be no "sweat". You simply cannot physically fill the decades-long lack of parents. If she needed your "how beautiful you are!" at five, nine, eleven and fifteen years old, then at 35, when she already has a husband and two children, this is useless. If it was important for him to hear from you "son, it's not scary to make mistakes" at 16 after the failure of the exam, then at 40 he will somehow learn this truth. Or not.
There is only here and now. While he is small, while he needs you, like air and food. Then, at the very least, he will cope and learn to survive. And this pain will remain with him forever. And it will stubbornly climb out and it is good if in tears. Worse - if in fights, destructiveness, illness and suicide.
There is no sweat. These scars of childhood expectation and feelings of rejection, abandonment and uselessness remain for life. And it's good if after some time they drag on, work out and compensate with high quality. In most stories, they will continue to bleed for life, only being sealed with a plaster on top.
These adult men, who grew up without paternal support, have long since become dads to their own children. In some 73rd session, the barricade of masculinity falls and they suddenly begin to cry bitterly for themselves. Because they remember that only meeting with their father, in secret anticipation of which they spent their whole lives. And dad just went out one day for matches and chose another life without children's whims, leaving all children's questions unanswered. And when this spiritual Niagara breaks through at the session, it is almost unbearable to be around. Because there is so much locked pain and resentment inside that it makes it hard to breathe in the next chair. Not to mention living with her inside. Although, of course, a person gets used to a lot …
These are these women who run a business, manage a huge number of subordinates, keep hundreds of tasks in mind and solve twenty questions in parallel. They cry bitterly when they find the strength to admit that they did not feel their mother's love and support in childhood. They get angry with them and scold themselves for this, because mom remains the most valuable fantasy, which is so hard to part with.
You know, a child does not need all the money in the world and one hundred percent of your life. He needs to know that he can come to you for advice - now. That you won't turn your back on him for a mistake. That you will not be disappointed today if he enters the wrong university that you wanted. Because tomorrow he will learn to cope with it, endure the pain and walk with a scar. But he will cope and adapt.
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