2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Mothers often turn to me, and during the therapy we find out how these mothers feel like a shit. Or else: I - shit-mother, shit. It happens that the mother of a child from 0 to 3 years old feels something like this or just like that. Everyone around them is hammered into their heads that there is a kind of super model of a super mother, and real mothers, although they try, in no way live up to that super mother with their whole lives.
Beautiful pictures and stories of mothers with babies in social networks, angry comments on posts that "I am tired and cannot cope with the child", "My child does not sleep at all" - our realities are with you. As well as the exclamations of relatives and friends: "How did you want? What were you thinking?" "It is necessary to educate!" "I raised my own two without diapers and nothing - I managed everything!" etc…
I want to convince you - there is no such super mother and there is no such super story. As shit-mother does not exist. Everyone is different on planet Earth - both mothers and babies. And your story with your child is only yours and it is unique.
Mommy! And children from beautiful posters on Facebook also have teeth teething and have colic, constipation and a bad mood! Children from Instragram have tantrums and sleepless nights. Mothers of babies from pictures from social networks are angry and cry when raising a child, and their children sometimes cry for no reason and even yell!
Mommy! You may not take into account the opinions of others, you may not correspond to the desires of society, you have the right not to make excuses!
You can get tired of the child, you can be exhausted and feel powerlessness, helplessness, fatigue, sadness, sadness, nervous exhaustion and many, many more feelings of the mother of a small child, which are not accepted and disapproved in society. This is fine.
If you are tired of a child, that's okay! Try to provide yourself with rest - contact your relatives, friends with a request to help you. And allow yourself to rest. Yes - go for a walk, get some air, look around at the trees, sky and grass. Go home for tea / coffee, order and eat your favorite meal.
You may not take your child for a walk 3 times a day. And yes, you may not want to go for a walk. At all. You may not express the joy of motherhood with all your appearance after a sleepless night. You may be jealous of your girlfriends, and want to go with them, and not sit for days with your baby - and you have the right to ask your husband for help while you go with your girlfriends. You may not iron your child's pajamas in the kindergarten and iron your daughter's tights. And yes, you can send your child to kindergarten - because you are tired. No, and you're not a motherfucker either. You are just the mother of a small child. It happens that the words and attitudes in your head are the words of your mother "about the right thing." It is important to find and realize that these are only the words of your mother. And those words do not always coincide with reality - she simply forgot her feelings and experiences at night without sleep - often in an effort to be an ideal mother, often in a sense of guilt towards relatives / neighbors / acquaintances and her mother / father. You have the right not to inherit your mother's story in pursuit of being the perfect mother.
A common feature of the population and descendants of people from the former USSR is a beautiful family facade, and what is happening behind it is not important. Now this feature continues in social networks - we all see the facade of a person's life in the photo, and we don’t think about what is hidden behind the facade …
There are no perfect mothers. Realize this.
Realize the value of you and your life, the value of yours for you, and only your child / children. And this is your story. She is unique. And only you can assess this and no one else. And you will notice how, over time, your mood may rise, anxiety and claims to the world / to yourself will decrease, and then you look and it will turn out to live just life.
It is important to notice your condition, take care of yourself and your feelings before others notice it and, for example, will be forced to call doctors.
Note - the often arising verbal and not only mothers' aggression against children is the consequences of prolonged containment of negative emotions that arise in the mother of the child, as in any living person.
It is also important to realize that your race for the status of an "ideal mother", which began in your child's early infancy, will in the future lead to going to circles with your child, his development in schools, racing for results in competitions, admission to a university for anything and anyone. but not for your child himself, often no one will hear the aspirations and dreams of the child himself …
He will try to become successful and happy according to your scenario, as you see it from your life, often completely unaware of what he really wants, how he really wants to live.
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