2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Today the man and I had an argument. He persuaded, I resisted. For all normal people, this would develop into a conflict like "you can't hear me" (on both sides), but not with us. A person wrote to me: "I see this situation like this":
Me: X (phrase)
You: Y (another phrase)
I: X
You: Y
Me: X.
I read his version and found inconsistencies with what I was seeing right now. I said, "I'll write you my version," and I did it. I managed:
I: Z
You: W
I: Z
You: W
Me: Z.
Do you understand? We ended up with two different versions of what was happening. Not fundamentally different, not fundamentally opposite, but the devil is in the details. And he hid there. We had a lot of undiscovered reasons to quarrel, for which we could catch, like an underwater snag, and drown together. Nevertheless, ten minutes of talking about how we see the situation separately, together, and how it can be actually did not allow us to do this. Suddenly, for both of us, we both could be right. And not right - with the same probability. We talked about sensations, emotions, reactions, and these things do not have the only correct interpretation. Even if you really want to.
You have to understand that relationships are built on this. Not on actions as a fact, but on reactions to them. Not on events, as a fact, but on self-awareness about them. Only self-awareness can be the most honest indicator if you work with it. If I feel that in a situation my partner is putting pressure on me, and I directly tell him about it, he cannot ignore it. He can offer me alternative versions of why this is happening, but the last word in my feelings will be with me. As in his feelings - behind him. This is an inviolable territory in the sense of indisputability. We cannot refute the feelings of the other, because in reality we have no idea that he really feels us. We are unable to get into his head, heart, soul and look through his eyes.
But we can come into contact with it. We can tell how we see and feel. We can talk about our feelings in response to talking about our partner's feelings. This will be the most honest way. The only way to find that contact and depth that will allow you to reach each other, not shout. No need to shout. We must reach out.
