Secrets Of Self-confidence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

6 The topic of self-confidence in general is very complex. The Internet offers millions of different options on how to become a confident person and increase your self-esteem. This topic can accommodate absolutely everything that a person will learn during the course of psychotherapy (regardless of how long it will last - only 1 session or 7 years!).

Whatever the true reason for consulting a psychotherapist, in one way or another it is associated with the self-confidence of the person (doubts, suspicions, checking the correspondence of reality to his

expectations). Parallels can be drawn between the themes of boosting self-esteem and self-confidence.

So, starting with general questions, self-confidence implies how mature you are. The more a person has infantile features, the more he is not sure of himself - the statement is quite logical.

What is confidence based on?

1. Knowledge of “what is good and what is bad” (not just about the world in general, but about oneself in particular). For example, if a person has undergone psychotherapy courses, various trainings, he will understand for sure that all rudeness towards himself could be stopped at once in the bud, but at the same time in his entire life a person could just get used to being rude from others. What does this mean?

The above example clearly does not apply to him - if a person is used to such an attitude, he will admit it in his life and, accordingly, will not be confident in his actions (is it possible to interrupt this interlocutor?). You can draw a parallel between your life and the life of another person by pointing out to him the injury in a certain place - in this way he will understand that it is possible to protect the previously received wound from repeated rupture.

Another example - all his adult life a person suffers from the fact that he is not like those around him (bad, he does not have a relationship not only with himself, but in general, there are problems in his character - he is too angry or too zealous to defend himself). When confronted with other people in the process of learning (for example, psychological), he realizes that their line of behavior is approximately similar, and all this is not so bad.

There is also a belief in selfishness, imposed in childhood ("You are bad, and in this situation the blame lies entirely with you!"). When a person knows that they are fully responsible for certain actions, it helps them regain their confidence.

2. Support of other people from outside, the environment that accepts you. Hearing your story, an outsider may say: “Here you had to act completely differently and protect yourself. And in this situation you were completely wrong, and in general it is better not to face such cases - this is how you make yourself worse!"

In the context of this paragraph, it is important that there is total trust between you and the people who support you (they should be with all their soul and heart for you). In fact, calm and friendly support, adequate mirroring without reproach play a huge role in increasing confidence levels.

3. Competence (a person must clearly understand what exactly he can do, at what level his abilities are, respectfully treat individuals who are competent in other areas of activity). How does it look in practice? If I am a good psychologist and specialist in this field, my confidence in life will only grow, and when faced with a professional in another field, a feeling of respect will arise).

What else can add self-confidence?

1. Personal boundaries.

As a rule, when people first go to psychotherapy, they are completely insensitive to their anger. From childhood, they were taught not to pay attention to anger and the fact that their personal boundaries are grossly violated. Relatively speaking, adults simply ignore a 17-year-old child who can do quite intimate things in his room - “This is the norm! Why are you indignant ?! Just think, I entered your room without knocking, took your diary or toys! Why are you angry?.

It is after such situations that we stop trusting our anger and, accordingly, cannot defend our boundaries, because for this we need to feel them through anger.

Having restored the boundaries and saying clearly: “No! This does not suit me, I do not want such an attitude towards myself!”, You will definitely raise respect for your own“I”and increase your self-confidence.

2. Responsibility and guilt. Knowing where exactly your responsibility and guilt are, you will not take on someone else's responsibility, feeling uncomfortable at the same time because of the ambiguous situation that has developed.

The simplest examples are related to work. If you have a lot of things to do, and you are asked to do something else ("Well, do this one more thing! What do you feel sorry for?"), There is a feeling that others "sit on their heads." Another situation - they bring you a document and ask you to sign. In fact, this applies to your department, but you understand that you absolutely do not want to be responsible for possible violations.

What to do?

In this case, you need to clearly understand that possible guilt and responsibility will fall on your shoulders, so you should firmly and confidently answer “No!”. When extrapolated to relationships, this is much more difficult. For example, if you do not want to do something, but your partner, on the contrary, wants to, when he gets the answer "No!", He will feel depressed. Where is your fault and responsibility? You are directly responsible for the refusal, but you are not at all to blame for the response that the partner experiences (these are his feelings and experiences).

Of course, you can be responsible for being around at the moment of anger reaction, perhaps regret your actions, accept your interaction with the interaction of your partner, but you need to understand that for all further actions you are not responsible and guilty (“Yes, I heard you, accepted the fact that you are unpleasant. That's all! ). In no case should you walk around your partner to raise his spirits! It is your responsibility to accept the person's feelings as they are, no matter how difficult it may be.

3. Resources - knowledge, skills, experience and status. No matter how we deny, these are quite obvious things that directly affect self-confidence. A person with $ 100 in his pocket will feel completely different than a person with $ 100,000. Accordingly, having a large amount of money in stock to rely on, a person will feel much more confident.

Another example - putting on clothes from a second-hand or expensive boutique, which are pleasant to the touch and of high quality, in the second case a person will feel more self-confidence. But as for status - for many individuals it is extremely necessary to "put on" a body armor of confidence that works for at least some period of time ("I am from the police! Let me in!" Or "I am from the administration, I have the right to park a car here!") …

4. Learn to live in the here and now. Do not gnaw at yourself for past actions, hot temper and understatement - self-deprecation and self-flagellation do not lead to anything good. Learn to forgive yourself (“That's when I did this only because I could not do otherwise!”). Constantly ask yourself "How do I feel?", "What do I want now?", "What can bring me pleasure?"

5. Know how to have fun, enjoy, encourage and praise yourself.

6. Learn to be proud of yourself - a person who is not proud of their successes, over time, forms a feeling of pride that eats away at him. Often such people go and poke others: “What can you do there ?! Here I have achieved in my life! What is your salary? And I have 3 times more!"

Such acting out will occur constantly, if a person has not learned to praise himself, that is, through the humiliation of acting out on another, he will receive a narcissistic expansion. However, you should not receive it from others, it is enough to receive it from yourself at least once, then you can understand the value of life and your achievements.

7. Criticism from other people. Necessarily in the close environment there must be a receiving person who can be trusted. Such a person can help to adequately assess the situation, you should definitely turn to her and ask: "Am I really what everyone says about me?"

As a rule, when other people criticize, they are afraid to see similar qualities in themselves, or, conversely, for some reason, they cannot afford it, fearing condemnation from the outside. It is important to remember here - any flaw has the opposite merit (somewhere it will interfere, but in some situations it will help). In general, criticism should be treated rather selectively.

When it comes to constructive criticism, it is worth listening. If you sincerely believe that she does not apply to you, your life has not deteriorated in anything - why change something?