2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Being a mom is not easy! Being a mother of a child with special needs means living in a different world. In the world of different values, different perspectives and joys, different views on certain phenomena and events … and, in principle, in a world in which even time flows completely differently … This world is no better, no worse, it is just different. Perhaps that is why it is so difficult to understand it for a person observing from the outside.
I thought for a long time where to start the cycle of new notes, how to make an introduction, how and what to motivate, but each post was not good enough or was out of time. After a little digging in myself, I realized that the point here is not at all perfectionism, but that, thinking through the texts somewhere in the depths of my soul "in the subcortex", I constantly wonder who and what can blame me for this or that story. And then, instead of pleasant reflection, a text-defense is obtained, where it is necessary to take into account as many parties to the accusation as possible and give warning explanations on them.
Feelings of guilt are inherent in many mothers, some more, some less. However, the fault of the mother of a special child is more often irrational, destructive and … ineradicable. The very first moment when you find out that your child is not like everyone else, you automatically ask yourself "why did this happen to me? - what did I do wrong?" Further events will develop unpredictably and always in different ways, but at every step the all-pervading self-flagellation will remain unchanged.
Why?
Because on the one hand, we will never know where the child has the so-called "correction limit" - that point beyond which there is no positive dynamics and cannot be, the point where you need to stop and stop tormenting yourself and your child.
On the other hand, even if everything is not so bad, we will never know how it would be if the child were "normal", so automatically any achievement becomes insufficient, a kind of "mother-pedagogical" flaw. Society will not allow us to relax for a minute either, because even with the best intentions to help, all the time it will show through that most of you are doing wrong. It hurts especially when, not so long ago, you considered this "large part" your achievement, but it turned out that this is clearly not enough for an outside observer. At the same time, even specialists in helping professions often do not know "how" correctly, but this does not add any advantages to the guilty mother)
And now the most important reason for endless accusations is that no one will ever be able to establish the true cause of what happened to your child and, accordingly, will not be able to choose the only correct correctional solution. However, in my opinion, this very circumstance is a very good reason to make yourself a cup of your favorite drink, turn on your favorite music, make yourself comfortable and, in a semi-meditative state, repeat to yourself and out loud "This is not my fault!"
Because from that moment on, mom turns into a researcher, discoverer, sage and creator.
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