What Is Friendship? Why Is Friendship Necessary?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What is female and male friendship, friendship between a man and a woman? In general, what is the value of friendship? Why do we need friends?

Recently, the issue of friendship is quite relevant, many are interested in this phenomenon. The issue of female-male friendship was dealt with in a separate article, but here we will pay attention directly to friendship. So what is the value of such a close relationship? What can be the problems of friendship?

What is friendship? It is difficult to answer this question unequivocally, just as it is difficult to say what love is. These concepts are close to each other, the only difference is that friendship does not include a sexual component, in friendships there is no sexual attraction and sexual relations. However, in general, relationships still resemble loving relationships (we interact with a person in some way, spend time together, etc.).

What can be distinguished as especially valuable and important in friendship? This is mutual support, mutual understanding, spending time together, some common interests, a desire to share something with a loved one, to tell something, to boast of something, to complain.

The most important and key factor in friendship is precisely the ability to support each other in various experiences. When a person has vivid emotions, it is important that there is someone with whom you can share them. And it is important that this other can really share your experience - somewhere to rejoice, somewhere to be sad, somewhere to wipe away the tears. All our successes and health, including, strongly depend on what kind of environment we have - if there are people around who believe in us and support us, we will develop. This is called the environment that develops. Note that in many trainings aimed at personal development, especially this applies to business events, an emphasis is placed on the person's environment - having in your environment people with goals similar to yours, you can achieve greater success together than each one alone. And this is really true! And it has been tested many times on its own example!

Have you encountered the fact that friendship can be difficult? For example, it is difficult to find the right person to share everything with; do not accept your joy; cannot share the sorrow; they cannot understand your tears, and even elementary - they do not understand your feelings ("Why are you crying? You have money - enjoy yourself! You think you have some childhood trauma, forget it!"). Situations like this are familiar to many of us. What to do?

The worst thing that can be done is to be disappointed forever and give up looking for friendly close relationships. Such a step will stop you! There is safety in numbers. Yes, it can be painful when you are betrayed, it can be unpleasant when you were not understood and supported, did not do what you wanted. However, the ability to be friends is a useful skill that each of us needs in life, and for some, to heal in therapy.

The problem is that we don't know how to be friends! We go to one person and want from him to receive "all the support of the world", everything that can be imagined - so that he would be a mother, and a father, and a sister, and a brother, and an aunt, and a grandmother, and a grandfather (and all this in one bottle!). We need this one to wipe away our tears, and comfort us from grief, sadness and longing, and entertain when we are bored, and be able to share joy with us, etc. But there are very few such people. Yes, they are, but these are psychotherapists who are ready to work with you for money, relatively speaking. In reality, no one is required to circle around you - remember this important point!

The simplest formula for friendship is always understand which person is more suitable for you in life. For example: Sveta comforts best when you are in grief, but when you are in joy, it will not understand you; Ira can listen, but she won't give advice; Petya will give advice, but he will not even listen to the end of the whole story (he will say: "Sklifosovsky, come on quickly! Explain to me the essence of the problem in three points, what happened!"); someone else is ideal for entertainment (go to a bar, to a disco), but you should not tell him about your emotional experiences, because he will never understand this. Try to divide those around you into categories, then it will become much easier for you to live, and you can get the expected support of the world, but in different people. However, this does not mean at all that someday you will not have a sincere conversation with the one with whom you were having fun at the disco! And this is great - the relationship is moving to another level and can already support some other side.

There is a separate case - the borderline organization of the personality. Here, as they say, "a double-edged sword" - it is difficult for a borderline person to communicate, he does not receive support, and due to difficulties in contact, he becomes even more borderline, withdraws into himself, loses touch with reality, becomes more and more incomprehensible to others. The most important danger when you withdraw into yourself, deny any friendship, do not give yourself the opportunity to look for friends again and again, is a manifestation of auto-aggression, self-punishment, auto-illnesses, retroflection with self-flagellation and harsh withdrawal into oneself, isolation, loss of connection with reality and psychosis (the saddest options). That is why you should not lock yourself in! Look for ways to connect with people, talk about what you need. The most important thing here is to understand what exactly you want from a person at the moment. Learn to be well aware of your desires and needs, then you will be able to go where you will be helped to satisfy them ("I want to cry, I will go to the Light!"). Only in this case, you will understand that you will not be rejected in this zone, because this person will be able to give exactly what you need at a given moment.

Learn to support, hear and give advice yourself. A very simple life hack - just ask your friend / girlfriend: “I am not indifferent to everything that you are saying now, but I don’t understand how I can help you!”. Believe me, a person will think and find something to say in return, what kind of support to ask for. Fight false beliefs - anything done on demand is disingenuous. This is fundamentally wrong! If you ask someone to send you money to the card, this does not mean at all that the person will obey. If you ask your beloved man for flowers as a gift, he will buy them only if he wants to ("So, she wants flowers, I'll buy it when I'm in the mood!"). People won't do what they don't want to! And if they want to do something for you, they need to be told what exactly needs to be done.

In especially difficult cases, it is still better to turn to psychotherapy when you can practice on a real person. During therapy, various emotions may appear, but psychotherapists always express them sincerely and carefully precisely in order for you to feel better in life, so that you can change the quality of your life.