SMALL ADULT SOUL SCANNERS

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

From the very first days of life, the child invariably focuses on his environment. He has a vital need for communication. First, this is the cry of a baby, with the help of which he asks for food, clean diapers, a smile and mother's attention. He then tries to collaborate with adults for the first time. He tosses a rattle on the floor and watches how Mom will react, whether she will be interested in playing this new game or whether Mom will be unhappy and frown. From the very first days of life, the child clearly distinguishes and feels the mood and emotions of his parents. No wonder they say: "children are the best psychologists." They are like little scanners watching us, adults, and copy everything: where, when, why and most importantly HOW to behave, react, speak, act, make a choice and generally live in this world.

Quite recently, I witnessed a situation that unfolded on the playground, where children of all ages played. As is usually the case, two kids, 4-5 years old, did not share the toy, and a children's fight began. One grabbed the other by the hand, and he bit him by this hand. I think the children would have figured it out on their own, but at that moment the mother of one of the kids ran up. She abruptly grabbed the boy by the collar, pulled him aside and began to “educate” him, saying: “How many times have I told you, you can't fight! You can't beat children! Don't you understand Russian? How many times have I been told that people shouldn't hit each other. " Moreover, each of her moralizing was accompanied by a blow to the back of the head, on the back of the child. She tugged at her son's hands, shook her shoulders, naively believing that in this way he would hear her and learn the simple truth "you can't fight!"

What is happening in the mind of the child at this moment? On the one hand, he believes his mother that it is really impossible to raise a hand against the child and other people in general, this is bad! But the mother, who gave him life, loves, cares, is the main person in his life, brings him up in this way. So you can still! As a result of such double standards, the child develops an internal conflict that he is unable to resolve himself, and is forced to protest, that is, disobey, be rude, indulge in and generally experiment with his parents and other adults.

Such situations in life are encountered at every step: the father teaches his son that smoking is very harmful, while he does not let go of the cigarette. Mom explains to her daughter that one cannot "meet by dress …", but forbids being friends with a girl from a very poor family. A wise mother, she shares her secrets about her dislike and hatred for men, “they say, they are all the same,” but forgets about her 20-year-old marriage with her husband. We teach children NOT to steal, NOT to condemn, NOT to lie, NOT to be hypocritical, NOT to be indifferent to the grief of others. But at the same time, coming home from work, we proudly tell how we managed to deceive the employer and get an undeserved vacation, but colleague Vasya, who is quiet and boring, will work for him this time. And then call Vasya and "sympathize" on the phone, rather winking at his wife and children.

It is at these moments, as it seems to us, imperceptible to the eyes and thinking of the child, his values, moral assessments are formed, which begin to determine the emotional attitude of the child towards other people and the emergence of inner life, interest in the feelings and experiences of other people, the ability to compassion and I understand that the requirements for the moral character of a person are understated.

We are all people, and we are not all angels, the realities of life force us to "step over" others, gnaw our well-being with our teeth, lie and be hypocritical. Often all this is done "for the sake" of children and their secured childhood. BUT!!! If, nevertheless, the child witnessed such a situation or rightly reproached you for non-observance of some ethical norms of behavior, find the courage and strength in yourself, admit that you are wrong, obey the child, explain to him why you acted in such a way that you are very embarrassed and ashamed of my deed and words. Only then, this little person will try to draw the right conclusions, objectively assess the situation and understand HOW NOT to be done. After all, we, adults, showed him this by our example.

Any child could be called happy if he grows up surrounded by loving and attentive parents. But I would add that a child will be happy if he grows up surrounded by wise and honest parents!