2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Every person has situations in life when he does not want to go to work or study and do important "adult" things, there is an irresistible desire to feel small (you want affection and care, to forget about all life's troubles and problems). Sometimes there may even be a breakdown or an unconscious need to rest and sleep longer. Such a state in psychotherapy is usually called regression or "craving for the mother's breast."
Regression (regression) is a defense mechanism that is a form of psychological adaptation in a conflict or anxiety situation, when a person unconsciously resorts to earlier, less mature and less adequate patterns of behavior that seem to him to guarantee protection and safety.
Regression can be different - "mild" form (you just do not want to do something) and deeper (the need to hide in your "secret cave" or an instinctive desire to return to the mother's womb). There are often cases when a person can directly say during a psychotherapy session that he wants to return back to the mother's womb, where it is very warm, cozy, calm and there are absolutely no problems at all.
What are the reasons for this condition? How can you avoid situations in which these feelings arise?
The main cause of regression is the imbalance of internal resources and energy required for a particular event. Energy costs can be expressed in the form of stressful situations, anxiety and even anger - that is, a complex of various feelings that a person had to experience for a long time, sometimes it is oppressive to overwhelming responsibility. Accordingly, a person cannot withstand psychological stress, because there is no help and support, there is not enough internal energy to cope with everything that has fallen on him.
Often, such crisis states occur during childhood. Unable to cope with emotional upheavals and survive them to the end, a person psychologically remains at the age at which he received psychological trauma, this is the so-called "crisis that has not been passed." The moment a regression occurs, he each time returns to the same time point - one, three years, five or seven years - it all depends on when the trauma was received, which remained deep in consciousness.
As an example, consider the crisis of three years. This is the period when narcissistic trauma can form, it is also at this age that the foundation of socialization is laid and the feeling of shame arises.
If at this time the parents forbid the child a lot, condemn his actions, suppress and suppress the initiative, the child forms a rather strict Super-ego. This part of the psyche interiorizes the objects of attachment of the child in childhood (that is, those people who often condemned the child's actions, suppressed or suppressed the manifestation of initiative). As a rule, these are mother and father. However, at present, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts and uncles are also actively involved in the upbringing of children.
Thus, the "lesson" learned in childhood from the objects of attachment becomes part of the psyche, with age a person does as he was "taught" - consciously condemns his actions, strictly controls the manifestation of initiative, and so on. Against this background, a feeling of shame can often appear, but people do not perceive it, therefore, over time, such a state becomes toxic and completely takes over consciousness. Shame begins to guide all actions, it becomes difficult to do something, a person falls into regression.
In this state, people begin to engage in proastination (constant postponement of important and urgent matters, leading to life problems and, as a result, painful psychological effects) - “I am ready (a) to do anything, but not this (…). I am too afraid that my initiative will be suppressed or generally assessed negatively! " Also, regression can be experienced with guilt or anxiety. In the first case, it is much easier for a person to emotionally cope. As for the immediate sensation of anxiety, there can be various undifferentiated feelings and experiences. At the moment when there are too many of them, they merge into a single whole, a person cannot cope with the surging wave of emotional shock and falls into regression. There comes a limit - it is easier to shrink, lie down or "ask for the handles"; I want someone to take care ("So many stress and worries have piled up! Leave me alone!").
What can be done to alleviate the repressive state?
In psychology, it is customary to divide the human psyche into the inner child, parent and adult. What does this mean?
The inner child is one who does what he wants, spontaneous and creative. He has a lot of energy and strength, he has not yet been ashamed for inappropriate actions. For example: wants to scream - screams; wants to hit a girl - hits; wants to eat sand or jump into puddles - does it.
The inner parent is the one who moralizes, punishes, scolds, prohibits and suppresses (“But, but, but! You can't do this! But you can do that!).
An adult is, in fact, something between a parent and a child. The one who agrees and decides what can and cannot be done at the moment (“Can we rest now? - No, we can’t!” - in this case, the parent's side is accepted).
So, the main task is to find a connection with the inner child, learn to talk to him, hear him and understand him. Of course, we are not talking about hallucinations, it is not worth communicating with oneself - in the context, it means an appeal to one's essence and the direction of energy to perform a specific action.
You can train yourself to address yourself through one simple question - what do I want now? It's worth asking yourself this question many times throughout the day. Over time, the skill will develop, and the person will do it unconsciously.
Thus, as individuals, you must remain in the position of an adult and make a conscious and deliberate decision about what the child can and what not (Can you rest now? Can you eat ice cream? Can you do something crazy?). Of no small importance is the ability to negotiate with your inner child - “Let’s rest not now, work another two hours, then you will rest. And, moreover, let's go with you to the theater (or cinema)."
A fairly common problem that arises in a state of regression - a person takes the side of a parent, who prohibits, condemns, punishes and scolds for this state (“You can't lie, you need to work!”). In fact, this makes an interiorized image of mom, grandmother, grandfather, dad - all those who did not allow them to relax. However, it is necessary to act the other way around - it is necessary to take the side of the adult, who will play the role of the "referee" - to negotiate, having listened to both parties (both the child and the parent).
Often people do not notice (or ignore) their desires, putting them in a distant box. In fact, it is very important to make time for your inner child. If we do not do this, depression will arise, a state of despair will completely take over consciousness, strength will run out, the physical body will get sick - that is, the child will take his own anyway. How this will happen is up to each of us to decide.
According to Freud, you need to become a parent to yourself. However, there is one caveat here. You need to become for yourself not an imitation of your parents in childhood (condemning and rejecting), but kind, condescending, gentle, understanding and accepting all possible and uncontrollable bursts of energy when you want to be realized creatively. If you can't draw beautiful pictures - do it the way you can. Many psychologists recommend that clients in this state speak to themselves tenderly and with love, support all their endeavors. It is important to ask yourself what you want at the moment (eat something tasty, go somewhere, buy something, or please yourself with a pleasant trifle). Imagine that you are your own parent and satisfy the desire of your inner child. This is the only way to gradually “feed and raise” him. However, this does not mean at all that regressive states will disappear from the psyche forever.
It is also very important in childhood to have in your environment at least one person who would treat you condescendingly, with love, support and understanding. Relying on a positive image, you can form confidence in actions (“And my grandmother would have praised me for that”, “But my grandmother would have stroked me, consoled me, would have said these words”).
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