2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Thinking out loud about self-love. A fragment from the consultation (with the client's permission).
Are we able to love another if we do not know how to love ourselves? I often think about this topic, and it seems to me that I love in others the way they love me. And I try for them, do my best, take care, cherish and cherish, just to always see this love.
Over the course of many days, I have been asking myself the question of whether I love myself. Can I love myself without them, i.e. without a husband, children, friends. And then another question arises: do I really love them? How sincere am I about my feelings? Perhaps this is just a banal exchange of pleasantries? - I love them so that they love me, and vice versa.
And then, you often write about acceptance. I can't come to terms with many of my qualities. I hate them. I don't even want to accept them. I would cut them off with some steel sword. And her husband's shortcomings! Well, how to accept them, if they enrage, I hate them? Can't he do something with them?
(after a pause of silence)
I’m thinking. If I could accept myself, would his shortcomings not piss me off too? You wrote about it. If I were more flexible in relation to myself, I would forgive others for their weaknesses too. And if I want to cut off a part of myself, can you imagine what I want to do with others? If I am so merciless towards myself, then I just want to reshape my loved ones, change their inner faces.
I'm just now starting to really understand everything you said about my family and everything you write about relationships. Previously, it seemed like beautiful words, but it was not at all accepted by the soul. I used to think: “it is wisely said, but not my case”. And now I think, well, it’s not my case, these are the cases of each of us. And this case begins in ourselves. One has only to think about what my love for myself and loved ones is.
I am sad that I am so mercantile in my feelings. It seems to me that we are trying in the world to find those through whom we will begin to love ourselves. But the paradox is that we never do it. We become attached to people, as long as they help us to love ourselves. And therefore we become very dependent on their opinion, which, at times, is very harsh. But in the hope of getting a dose of tenderness, love and care, we stay with such people. But where am I in all this? What have I done for myself? All these years I skipped lessons out of love for myself, or chilled out in the back, forcing others to do what I should do myself. In the end, what have I learned? Delegate to others what I am obliged to do …
And do you know what I think? I am very grateful to my husband for being a good person. After all, he could use my inability to love himself and manipulate me. And he … Probably, like me, he also loves himself through me …
- How do you like now?
- I want to love. And I feel that I can.
A very interesting revelation with myself. Such dialogues help to release a lot of internal energy and let something new live. I would say that this is the beginning of a new page in life. The inner life of a person. In such insights, a person discovers an unknown part of himself, becomes even closer to himself.
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