How Disgust Helps You Get Out Of The Merger

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the not most pleasant basic human feelings is disgust, which is inherent in us by nature in the same way as the instinct of self-preservation, and performs the same function - protecting the body from something indigestible that invades its border.

It is divided into "primary" - this is an almost unconscious mental reaction to impurities, smells, spoiled food, larvae, etc. - and "secondary", or moral, concerning more abstract objects or people - for example, cowards, deceitful politicians, homeless people, alcoholics, etc.

Disgust allows you to avoid infections and parasites, avoid eating junk and dangerous foods (or not eating too many different foods in one sitting), and is also an indicator of toxic behavior in some people.

Disgust causes nausea and a special grimace (the forehead is wrinkled, the eyebrows are lowered, the nose is wrinkled, the nostrils are dilated, the upper lip is slightly raised, the lower lip is protruding or raised and closed from the upper, and the corners of the mouth are lowered).

It can appear as a result of a violation of boundaries (when a person wants peace, but continues to endure the compulsive behavior of a partner or swallows an insult, pretending that everything is fine), wrong attitudes (“you should be a good boy”, “a woman should endure”, “angry on people it is impossible ), etc., and is often blocked.

This happens when a mother, for the manifestation of a feeling of disgust of a small child (who spits out tasteless food, for example) is irritated and suppresses his behavior. Scolds him for turning away from the unpleasant smelling grandmother kissing him, reacts painfully to any rejection and defense of his boundaries.

A person who, as a result of such actions of his parents, has learned to suppress his disgust, does not know how to determine a comfortable distance for himself and believes that a loved one can be allowed as close as you like, merging with him “into one whole”. He has a sense of guilt when the touch or smell of a partner at some point turns out to be unpleasant. He scolds himself for this and continues to suppress disgust, because he thinks that in this way he rejects his beloved.

On the other hand, he will expect the same full acceptance from his partner. And if he suddenly decides to define his boundaries, then this will be perceived as rejection “he does not love me!”. As a result, suppressed disgust can develop into psychosomatics: constant nausea, vomiting, problems with the gastrointestinal tract, etc. A person will think that he was poisoned by spoiled food, but in fact he was poisoned by poisonous emotions.

It is impossible to get out of the merger by suppressing disgust. After all, it is precisely disgust that is a signal that the relationship is toxic and cannot continue this way.

In order for a person to gain the ability to decide to change something in a relationship and learn to rely on their own needs, he first of all needs to restore awareness of this emotion. And the easiest way to do this is with the help of a psychologist.

As soon as the feeling of disgust returns in the course of therapy, the exit from the merger begins. I no longer want to endure what is disgusting. A person learns to notice his preferences and what does not suit him. Begins to gradually build personal boundaries.

And, as a result, he gets an adequate and suitable relationship, in which he does not have to constantly swallow poison, suppressing nausea. But it is impossible to achieve this without unblocking disgust.

Learning to speak on the topic of disgust is difficult, embarrassing, unpleasant and scary, especially if in a couple it has long been customary not to notice and endure. But gradually and accurately it is quite possible to find the necessary phrases and preserve love, and not completely turn it into an addiction.

For example, in order not to hurt your partner and at the same time not to suppress yourself, you can add each time that you love him and are not going to reject him. You just don't like the way his mouth smells in the morning.

But it also happens that the disgust turns out to be so strong in intensity that it leads to distance and evasion from any contact with a partner. For example, in the case of betrayal, constant insults, accusations and humiliations, beatings, etc. In this case, it is she, as the best friend, who will help to get out of a destructive relationship in the least painless way.

After all, the feeling of disgust strives with all its might to make our life better and safer.