2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This is not a statement of corporate ethics that presupposes a welcoming smile and a friendly tone regardless of the employee's mood. Recently, in connection with the spread of wonderful (without the slightest bit of sarcasm) trends associated with a positive perception of life, a large number of adepts have appeared who hide the ruins of their own existence under the guise of “flowing positivity”. When dealing with such people, a person prone to introspection inevitably develops a feeling of tension, superficiality and distrust of the “glowing optimist”.
Why is this happening?
Surely you have met people with whom it is a pleasure to be around. These personalities are so attractive that their very presence in a room, building or your neighborhood makes the life of those around them brighter and better. Charisma, magnetism, comfort, joy, sunshine, laughter - these are feelings and qualities that immediately come to mind, it is worth thinking about such a person. Such people are rare and simply extremely valuable - worth their weight in gold. However, their behavior is so charming, and being next to them is so pleasant that many of us - especially those who do not use, in our opinion, sufficient share of attention in the team (and would like to!) - it seems that we should put on take on the mask of unrestrained, ever-lasting fun - and this will have a magical effect on those around you!
It was not so. “Putting on” a deliberate smile and emphatically winking at the conductor (and not least of all upliftingly informing colleagues that everything is fine with him), a person risks getting tons of irritation in his own address. Accordingly, receiving one after another confirmation that, they say, a positive attitude does not work and all people are complete selfish yourself.
So what's the deal?
The English language has a well-established expression that 20th century personal development experts have coined it: fake it till you make it. Literally speaking, it means: pretend that you are (confident, happy, rich, harmonious, and so on, emphasize the necessary), and as a result, the mask will merge with your true “I” and you will acquire the trait that you “played” all this time.
Please note: if this approach works, it is solely due to the fact that a person conducts daily inner work. Independently, through prolonged affirmations, a person inspires himself that, for example, he has a supernatural level of attraction and wit. Accordingly, getting used to a new role, a person becomes ready to physically feed his favorite traits with real regular actions. Following this goal, such a person reads good books, practices communication skills, takes care of his body, and develops creativity.
In this case, the habit of “pretending that I…” is by no means destructive. She guides us from the center of the human gut, prompting us to the natural evolutionary movement inherent in us by nature.
Working on himself, such a person does not seek approval from others. He is firmly convinced that he is moving towards his goal, and does not associate his own achievements with a high assessment of the team. The main thing for such a person is to satisfy his own idea of himself as a person, to move forward and not depend on the expressions of the faces of those around him (which, by the way, are most often interpreted depending on the mood of the beholder).
So what happens when a person seeks to shout about his own happiness at every corner, and in some places to instruct ignorant whiners on the right path?
Basically, the difference between a person “pumping” certain skills and a “pretend optimist” is that the pretender clings too much to the approval of others, seeks immediate positive reinforcement of his own positivity from the outside, and is more reactive. This means that as soon as an unplanned event knocks our "optimist" out of a rut, the corners of his lips will immediately go down, the enthusiasm in his eyes will go out, and the attitude “I'm fine”, learned during brushing, will be replaced by the old comfortable and familiar “the world is unfair” …
Moreover, a person who does not believe in the result of his play in the positive runs the risk of being branded as superficial and insincere. Good friends and acquaintances now and then turn away from the newly-minted "optimists" who play for show. This is easy to explain from a psychological point of view. Communicating with a person for a long time, we form a kind of purely subjective idea of him. Thanks to the work of mirror neurons in our brain and the ability for empathy, which differs from individual to individual, we get the opportunity to capture the moods of our loved ones on a non-verbal level and predict, to some extent, their reactions and actions. Thus, there is a risk that "a wonderful mood, love of life and divine happiness", which arose out of nowhere, may be perceived by us as a lie and a desire to instill in us a certain idea of a person. Accordingly, when we feel that a person is lying to us, we lose confidence in him - especially if the next day our assumptions are supported by sad statuses on the social page of our positive friend.
So what to do with all this?
The secret of charismatic personalities is that their light comes from within. Magnetism primarily grows out of boundless faith in oneself, respect for others and the absence of the slightest judgment in relation to the opinions of others.
Have you ever wondered why charismatic personalities are so natural? The secret of attraction lies in the fact that such a person does not seek to impress others by stating his own strengths and capabilities. Being around such people, we do not need them to tell us from time to time how many dozen compliments they receive per day. The charm of such people is accepted as something undeniable, not subject to any doubt. And all because a truly positive person is sure: he is no better and no worse than others. It will work out - good. It will not work - also an opportunity!
You can only charm by creating, caring, radiating love and creating. Creativity is action. This is freedom, this is self-expression without reference to existing canons. Therefore, believe in your uniqueness, do not compare yourself with others and - act! Charisma and magnetism grow from within and only from within: from the seeds of self-confidence, love and a benevolent attitude towards the whole world. And where there is truth, there is no place for pretense.
Lilia Cardenas, psycholinguist, writer, English teacher
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