2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I sat in a freshly dug hole in the yard and waited for Anton. Anton was from a neighboring yard, but they were looking for hot water only in our place, and the holes were dug only in our place. The pit was red, earthen, and some daisies had already sprouted on its walls. Anton came and jumped into the pit. We talked a little with him. Suddenly, a small, tiny spider crawled quickly and quickly along the wall of the pit. I am afraid of spiders all my life until screeching, but this one was just a millimeter, I guess. I already raised my finger to crush it (I'm inhuman), but something stopped me.
- Oh, - I squeaked, - a spider !! I'm afraid!!
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he liked him very much.
Needless to say, with what sincere admiration I looked at him?
I was three years old, he was four.
From the top of the pit, my grandmother looked after us.
I have remembered for the rest of my life this stop signal that came to me from nowhere. You don't have to kill the spider yourself when there is a boy nearby who is capable of a luxurious click.
But she rarely followed it. There was a time when it seemed to me that no one but me could cope with my huge spiders of different colors. And she coped herself.
Let's see what is female hyperfunctionality … This is what would have happened to me completely if I had not heard this ancient "stop" at the age of three.
Spider first. "I myself, because you can't do it."
I look at Anton, I understand that he is too frail, despising him in advance, I kill the spider myself, I casually say, look, I killed the spider. Anton crawls out of the pit as if spat upon, or is looking for a larger beast to prove something to me, but I am proud of myself as a fool, because I am stronger than Anton. Well, I'm generally brave.
The second spider. "I always know everything and will tell you"
Anton kills a spider, and I tell him - Anton, what do you even know about spiders ?? They have eight legs, for example, you know?
I quickly jump out of the hole, rush home, grab Bram and run back to study everything with Anton. Anton tries to escape, but I am perplexed - how can he be uninterested in such a thing? How can he bravely fight a spider without receiving any educational program about eight legs?
Antonov's grandmother runs to the pit with all her might. Anton breaks free and cries, I, shaking my bow, read out the pieces.
Spider the third. "I know everything better than you, you won't argue with me"
Anton kills a spider, and I tell him - Anton, what do you even know about spiders ?? They have eight legs, for example, you know?
- I know, - Anton says importantly, - I have a grandfather an ornithologist (or an ophthalmologist). They still have stings.
- Not a sting, but a mandible, - I laugh, - ha-ha-ha !! Can't tell the difference between a sting and a mandible! Marketing from franchising! Right now, I'll tell you, - I say, holding Anton by the T-shirt, - what fluctuation is.
And, shaking my pigtails, I speak for forty-five minutes. Anton goes limp.
Anton's grandmother runs to the pit as fast as she can.
The fourth spider. "Quickly, quickly developing relationships!"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he liked him very much.
Needless to say, with what sincere admiration I looked at him?
“Now kiss me,” I whispered languidly, closing my eyes and turning my cheek.
- I'm not ready, - Anton hesitates, - I am … only spiders while I can …
- No, now you need to kiss me, - I stamp my foot, - otherwise all this will not be true! If you killed a spider, you love me!
- So far I just killed the spider, - Anton justifies, - I need to sort out my feelings …
- No, it symbolically means a lot! You have already taken responsibility!
Anton's grandmother runs to the pit as fast as she can.
The fifth spider. "I'm not worse either!"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he really liked him.
- Ho ho! I cried. - Beautiful is bullshit. I can also like you!
After that, in five minutes I find eight brothers of the deceased and smear them with gusto on the side of the pit with my finger.
Anton grows gloomy or even hiccups in fright.
Anton's grandmother runs to the pit as fast as she can.
The sixth spider."Right now, I'll cheer you up!"
After Anton killed the spider, I am filled with gratitude and good mood. - I'll sing for you now, - I say to Anton, and, putting my foot in the sandal, I sing and dance for forty-five minutes.
Anton is trying to get out of the hole, but I won't let him in, because I have an extensive repertoire.
Anton's grandmother runs to the pit as fast as she can.
The seventh spider. "You did everything wrong, I will show you how it should be"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click.
I looked at him with contempt.
“You killed him inaccurately,” I said, “and now eight legs will lie all over the pit. See how to kill spiders!
And quickly, quickly, with my left hand, I find and kill eight brothers of the deceased. Gently collecting the remains in a bag.
Anton hiccups in fright.
Anton's grandmother runs to the pit as fast as she can.
Spider eighth. "You don't treat me that way, I will teach you how to do it."
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he really liked him.
I looked at him coldly.
"What's the matter, darling?" - Hiccuping frightened, asked Anton.
“That's not what you said,” I rapped out. - You said softly. Speak clearly so that I can hear every word! Then I'll believe you!
“I’m embarrassed,” Anton said.
- It is wrong to be embarrassed at this stage of the relationship! - I said and waved my pigtail. - This is the second stage of courtship, according to Gray, you need to do everything clearly, clearly convey your messages to the woman! Now you will tell me again, and then we will kiss! This will be the norm and standard!
… Anton scrambles up, I contemptuously whistle a march in his back through a fallen milk tooth, Anton's grandmother gives him a hand and together they run away as fast as they can.
Spider ninth. "I am terribly modern and witty"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he really liked him.
I burst out laughing.
“You are a spitting image of a knight,” I said through laughter, “don’t you find that everything that happened between us is so funny?”
- Eh … - said Anton.
- Well, look, all these norms, standards, compliments, all this is such vulgarity! As in a textbook on psychology. I'm above that! The spider is such a fool, cool rhyme, like a herring stick, huh? Have you read Dunno? Do not bother! Nothing serious between us, relax! The spider does not oblige you to anything! I'll tell you a joke about spiders now! Only he is vulgar, cover your ears!
… Anton's grandmother is running to the pit with all her legs.
Spider ten. "I will explain myself to you"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he really liked him.
- How well you said! - I admire. - And you know, when you killed him, I felt such a tickling in my nose … usually it is before tears … I, you know, love to cry … You don't cry, boys don't cry … And girls cry … I'm a girl … I cry every evening … And I am so afraid of spiders … I think that this is a repressed desire to kill parents … I read Freud, but I did not believe it - I, you know, in fact, so incredulous … When you said this, it almost tickled my nose. I thought, what if he manipulates me? what if he says this on purpose so that I admire him? But then I thought, what if you say this with a pure soul? It is very difficult for me to believe in a pure soul, suddenly they will be deceived … I still thought, Anton, just don’t laugh, what if I made a repulsive impression on you? No no! I then thought again and realized that this is unlikely … because you looked at me like that … and my nose tickled … Sometimes it still tickles before sneezing, but this was clearly not … obviously a premonition … a premonition something light that could be between us … I am very sensitive in everything related to relationships, you know? Anton? Anton, will you come out tomorrow? I still have to tell you about emanations and sensitivity, this is so important for you to better understand what I am … Lydia Vasilievna, don't drag him out of the hole like that, you will rip his collar off … I'm so worried when something is too fast … And without explanation …. I am always very worried, you know …
Spider eleventh "We will now live in a new way"
Anton raised his hand and killed the spider with a luxurious click. And then he muttered that I was the most beautiful and that he really liked him.
Needless to say, with what sincere admiration I looked at him?
- How is your mother's name? I purred.
- Nina Andreevna, - said Anton.
- Oh, yes, I saw her near the third entrance. A gorgeous woman, but her maxi does not suit her at all. I'll give you the phone number of my mother's dressmaker, give it to yours, let him make a decent one. How many rooms do you have?
- Well, two, - said Anton.
- Yeah … um … hmm … If you punch in the wall … you haven't done that yet? Do it, it will be good. Does the carpet hang on the wall?
- Yes…
- Remove the carpet, you have an allergy. Do you eat cottage cheese?
- Nope, I hate him.
- You have to eat, your baby teeth are changing. I've been eating - you see, a hole - and new ones are growing very quickly. See the hole? Uh? Yyy? I eat a pack a day. You eat too, it will be good. Do you have a cat?
- Well, there is …
- The cat must be vaccinated. And comb out. Remember? Graft a cat, hollow out the wall, and cottage cheese. Oh yeah, and mom. And the carpet. This will be good. I'll write you a list later. Give me an email address? Oh, you can't read yet? Anton, that's all. Tomorrow you will come to me, you will study. And at the same time you eat cottage cheese, I will trace … Anton, what are you doing with the killed spider? Are you trying to resurrect? Lydia Vasilievna, he just refused to eat cottage cheese and put his dirty fingers in his mouth, tomorrow I will bring you a special soap against germs, at seven in the morning, so that everyone can wash up … He said that I was a fool, but I am not offended, you have a good, promising boy …This will be good….
Anti-scientific explanation:
Hyperfunctionality is when a lady is always carried, she cannot stop, continuously or speaks, or does, or wants to speak, or wants to do. Knows everything as it should and generally knows everything. She is active, responsible, often sarcastic, or jokes all the time, or fights back. She does not allow herself to be stepped on her throat, she always leaves the last word for herself, successfully fights with a man on all fronts, is dramatic, artistic, witty or eternally agitated, capable of hysterics and clowning, and in general she won’t say a word, she won’t let her down, she will show everyone and he will prove that he will cope with everything and save the burning horse. It is very difficult for men in a relationship with such a lady to have time to do something, start doing something, or even want to do something. In a family with such a lady, a man calms down and over the years becomes invisible, inaudible, sometimes drinking, almost always unsuccessful, and, as a rule, very tired.
Girls! A girl should be humble. I beg you - be silent more! Or at least shut up in time!
Discuss your 14 thousand words a day, songs, dances, Bram, cottage cheese, nervous organization, etc. mainly with friends, mothers and grandmothers.
This is my testament to you.
@ Psychologist, YULIA RUBLEVA
