Ghosts Of Past Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Past relationships affect us. And unfortunately, many aspects of the old relationship could become truly traumatic. Even if there was love and the relationship was generally good. But there was something that did not fit, otherwise the relationship would not have ended. And now we bring all this experience into our new relationship. I'm talking about those moments when our reactions are overpowering, or completely out of the context of what is happening. When a partner's innocent request, a phrase or remark can cause an outburst of irritation and aggression.

Coined a new term PTSDO (Post Traumatic Relationship Stress Disorder). Do not judge strictly, this is rather an analogue that came to my mind in connection with the similarity of internal sensations. When reality is distorted, and inner feelings take over and lay eyes, the fact that past relationships affect us and our new relationship is undeniable. And unfortunately, many aspects of the old relationship could become truly traumatic. Even if there was love and the relationship was generally good. But there was something that did not fit, otherwise the relationship would not have ended. And now we bring all this experience into our new relationship. Even if we don't want to and we try not to do it.

I'm talking about those moments when our reactions are overpowering, or completely out of the context of what is happening. When an innocent request from a partner, some kind of phrase or remark can cause an outburst of irritation and aggression. And pam-pam, our partner is already raking off not for himself at all, and we see in front of us not him, but a completely different person. Moreover, if we did something in the previous relationship through force or did not want to do it at all, but did it. This is experienced as violence. And even though we did it ourselves, it is still violence, violence against ourselves. And then the usual request of a loved one can cause real rage. Because I see an aggressor in front of me, someone who wants to force me to do it again. And the partner is neither sleep nor spirit. His reaction is at least puzzling and creates questions, and as a maximum it causes a response of rage and the need to defend himself.

The first thing in such situations is to understand that this is a lot of work, to learn to separate old relationships from new ones and to be attentive to yourself, to notice when this is happening, to take a break and analyze what is now hooked, and try to see who is in front of you. you. Breathe, look for 5 differences, try to hear what your partner is saying to you now, not what meaning do you attach to words, but what exactly he says. Second, remember that we love and appreciate each other, we do not want to hurt, and if this happens by accident, it is not intentional. And if there is a suspicion of intent, then it is important to clarify what leads to this, long-standing resentment or injustice. Because we enter into a relationship not to offend each other, if not to talk about sadistic and masochistic relationships, this is a completely different story. Third, don't be afraid to explain to your partner exactly what happened to you. Sometimes we do not do this as if out of concern for a partner, so as not to bring in the old relationship, but you have already brought, with your reaction. And that's why it's important to explain yourself. Tell us what traumatized you and what you don't want to repeat in the relationship. Ask to be more forgiving and careful with yourself in the issues that you talk about. Get the support of a loved one. Remember that he is for you. And strength to all of us on this path.