2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
For many, love does not go unnoticed. A person who loved, after parting, for a long time cannot come to his senses. This state can last a year, two, or maybe half a life. A person keeps in his heart memories of the idealized past, which are both painful and pleasant at the same time, not wanting to leave the world of their dreams and return to reality. He spends most of his time thinking about him, writes letters to him, devotes poetry, it seems to him that his beloved is looking at him from afar, to the extent that an optical illusion occurs - a stranger met on the street takes on the outlines of an ex - so much he wants to be close to a loved one, that his perception completes the desired picture. A person begins to believe in maintaining a mental connection with an object of love, but rather an object of mania. Such a state can provoke delusional ideas, up to psychotic attacks, due to a reluctance to accept reality. It resembles a pathological experience of loss when a person denies the fact of the death of a loved one. Like in the movie "Gone with the Wind", when Rhett Butler could not believe in the death of his daughter and for a long time sat with her in a room locked up, not allowing her to be buried.
"She's not dead, she's just sleeping."
Likewise, a person who is pathologically experiencing parting still believes in love between himself and the lost object.
This condition is fraught with both psychotic breakdowns and psychosomatic disorders. That is why parting, for which a person was not ready, a suddenly broken relationship, must be properly lived, burned out, as well as death. When a person has not burned out the past relationships correctly, their projection will necessarily be present in the new relationship, influence on the principle of post-traumatic stress disorder, or in general it will become impossible for him to love someone again.
A person needs to go through all the stages of mourning after unhappy, traumatic love. Conserved trauma can become a ticking time bomb, leading to self-destruction.
The main thing in helping a person in this situation is to encourage him to speak out, to raise all his thoughts and experiences related to the past, given how much the person is at the same time resourceful for self-disclosure.
Provide him with support, valuelessness, safe expression of his feelings, tracking the desire to go into denial, change the subject.
It is necessary to give free rein to feelings, emotions, find new resources, rethink the situation at the level of self-deepening.
It is best to burn off past relationships with a psychologist, because loved ones cannot always understand the depth of a person's feelings.
In a family where the expression of emotions is not encouraged, a person's feelings can devalue, simply not understand. And all the more, you shouldn't interfere with your current partner, because he will not be able to listen without an admixture of personal resentment.
A psychologist is the person who will provide support and security in experiencing and mentally ending past relationships, which is necessary to achieve mental balance in the future and physical health.
Do not drag the burden of the departed along with you, no matter how charming it may seem, do not poison your present with it.
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