Dislike And Its Consequences

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Dislike and its consequences

This topic, in connection with the pernicious prevalence and fatal consequences, requires, in my opinion, the closest attention … By the way, it is talentedly revealed in the drama of Andrei Zvyagintsev "Dislike". This film presents a characteristic tragic chain of destructive rejection of loved ones: mother - daughter - grandson -…. everything, the chain is broken, then death. The viewer systematically observes how, in contrast to the sacred LOVE, called upon to give birth, create, multiply, LOVE inevitably destroys and destroys. The monstrous realization of this truth requires a serious revision of such a deadly strategy as possible and acceptable …

In this regard, I will give an illustrative example from practice, with an analysis of the chain about LOVE and its influence. / For confidentiality purposes, the case is given in a conditional version, without names and specifics. /

So, a case from practice.

A client, a woman of 35 years old, turned to me with a request to study the accumulated problems of life. She has been married for 8 years. Recently, the conflict with the spouse has escalated. On the basis of the question of the possible procreation. The husband insists on having a baby. The woman understands that she does not want to have children. A couple in the pre-breakup stage. A woman is trying to understand what is happening to her personally in these life circumstances, what are the reasons for her decisions and is it possible to smooth out the current disagreements?

In a therapy conversation, we refer to the client's childhood. It turned out that this time of life left a lot of untreated scars in the woman's soul, which hurt to this day.

In the process of analyzing the current genetic algorithms, a clear pattern emerged. I will sound it …

1. The line of relations between grandmother and mother.

The grandmother gave birth to her daughter (the client's mother) from an unloved person. Her story is deeply dramatic. An unexpected misfortune separated them from their beloved, as a result of which the beloved grandmother ends up in prison. This circumstance divides the beloved. We will not go into the details of the unfortunate incident, we will only note the following: the grandmother's parents strictly forbade her to associate her life with a person with a tarnished reputation. (It must be understood that the story of the grandmother originated in the distant 60s of the Soviet era, then public opinion had a special - decisive weight, and the parents were an indisputable authority.) The client's grandmother actually had no choice, she succumbed to the persuasion of her parents and, later time, marries an unloved but worthy pretender. Her fiancé knew about the interrupted love of his betrothed, moreover: all their life together, he felt that there was another in his wife's heart, but nourishing the warmest feelings for his wife, he resigned himself to this state of affairs, softening the mental pain by regularly turning to alcohol.

After a certain number of years, the former groom's grandmothers are released. And first of all he flies to his beloved. He begs her to start over. Calls to him with someone else's daughter from the current spouse. But the woman does not intend to break the established family and spoil her daughter's life, and therefore remains married, nevertheless continuing to love her lost lover. Their story is finally torn apart. The woman's family is preserved. The girl (the future mother of my client) grows up in a complete family, with spouses who formally "love" each other …

/ Let's form a certain psychological hypothesis regarding possible covert broadcasts from grandmother to daughter (mother of my client). This hypothesis will be confirmed by the following, already executed communication "mother and daughter". So, what could the grandmother of her daughter broadcast in her situation behind the scenes? “You are a hindrance, a speck in the eye! If not for you, I could be happy! If not for you, I would have been with my beloved … Because of you, I am doomed to misfortune … " In other words - she unconsciously, but systematically denies the life she has born, as if crossing it out unconsciously … But for now, in this communication only with strokes … And her baby grows in these unspoken messages and receives them on the subcortex: my mother does not need me, I am a hindrance, I am superfluous, it would be better not to be born … These words, a little later, she will shout more than once to her own daughter, no longer hiding, head on, in the eyes - directly: “Not needed! Interference! Sorinka! And why were you born on my poor head ?! " Can't you find anything in common with Zvyagintsev's plot? There are countless such stories … /

2. The line of relationship between mom and daughter (my client).

Mom gave birth to her daughter from an unloved person (as they say now, "in flight"). Having lived in this marriage for a short, but difficult time, a woman divorces a man she does not love, leaving her daughter to her parents, and then begins to enthusiastically arrange her personal life. Having chosen a worthy candidate, she gets married again, but under various pretexts she does not take the child into a new family. Her daughter is raised by her parents (the client's grandparents). The mother, on the other hand, regularly visits the girl exclusively with strict supervision, criticism and claims - for the allegedly ruined life for everyone, with an encumbrance in the face of her daughter. Throughout her childhood and adolescence, my client constantly heard complaints from her mother about the unlucky, ill-fated father (categorically rejected by the woman and from her daughter), whose copy she, to the great regret of her mother, embodies, and about her own general negligence - in everything, by definition, a priori, because in the eyes of the mother it was so and nothing else. In this aura, my client grew up. For many years, desperate attempts unsuccessfully trying to refute the maternal accusations, proving to the parent how wrong she is, because her girl is ABLE, CAN AND IN ANY WORSE THAN OTHERS … It's useless! Whatever her daughter sought, for her mother she invariably remained in the WORST POSITION … It was just that it was accepted - once and for all, a priori …

/ Let's continue the psychological analysis of genetic patterns, conditioning communication "mother-daughter". What did the mother inform her daughter already in direct, verbal communication? “Interference! Punishment! I'm sorry! AND NEED NOT!" Let us emphasize once again that, unlike her own mother, she directly (and not indirectly) dumped all the blame for the accumulated difficulties of her life on her daughter. And her terrible, monstrous messages, as it were crossed out the life she had given – the daughter is not needed, it would be better if she did not exist, and she is also to blame for everything … And the girl learns these promises: she is superfluous, she is a punishment and a hindrance. /

3. The next line of relationship. Is there a continuation here?

And there is no next relationship. They are already firmly crossed out by the client's unconscious with doubled messages (from grandmother to mother and from mother to daughter): child - burden, fate, punishment and misfortune … And why such a continuation, right? It is in advance denied, excluding possible execution … And, thank God, that the clever woman hurried with her current situation to the psychologist, because if these fixed patterns are not corrected, the well-run algorithm will not end … And I again refer you to Zvyagintsev's film: LOVE IS DESTROYING and in each subsequent generation is more and more monstrous than the previous one …

So you and I have traced with our own eyes: the algorithm of LOVE is passed down from generation to generation by the genetic code, in each subsequent case intensifying the disastrous consequences. But behind each continuation there are real people and destinies …

With this publication, I would like to appeal to all parents of the world with the following appeal: “Do not bill the life you donated for your mistakes! Do not take advantage of the weakness and dependence of little people! Do not take revenge on them for your misfortune! Remember: they came into this world for LOVE ! Stop my DISLIKE in your personal universe! Heal her! Don't broadcast further! Learn to radiate other energies – GOOD, ACCEPTANCE, HAPPINESS! THIS IS ALL YOU OWN TO YOUR CHILDREN! »

/ The author of this publication is a professional psychologist Alena Viktorovna Blishchenko. /