Senior And Junior: Forbidden And Methods In Education

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In 90% of families, there comes a time when parents have a second child. Dad and mom are looking forward to the arrival of a new family member to give him their love and care. Parents expect the firstborn to share their feelings, care for the baby, and be glad that he is no longer alone. But, often everything happens differently. By wishing well for their kids, parents make mistakes that negatively affect both children. Today we'll talk about what not to do in order not to cause jealousy about the older child, to show him that he is still loved, and also not to diminish the role of the “little” in the family.

What cannot be done in raising children?

In order for the kids to feel that they are loved, to grow up as full-fledged personalities, parents need to get rid of their following habits and beliefs.

Children should be together, then they will be better friends, and we will be calmer, since the younger is under supervision

Very often, parents send their children to one section, a circle, and if the difference is one year, then they send their children to one class. It is strictly forbidden to do this. In such a situation, the personal space of the older child is limited, the responsibilities of parents are attributed, which negatively affects the development of his personal boundaries, the ability to restore contacts and relive those moments that “normal” children experience. At the same time, such circumstances deny the youngest child's right to separate. In fact, he is forbidden to have his own interests, hobbies, space.

When children go to the same circle, it is very convenient for parents, but not always useful for little ones.

Why buy new clothes, we still have a lot of things left from the elder

Thrifty mothers keep things of the “elder” for the sake of economy, or simply because “it’s a pity to throw it away,” especially if a baby of the same sex is expected. It seems to be good, but … By such actions, the parents deny the rights of the youngest child to originality, separation from the older one.

But your older / younger brother / sister …

Comparing children is the most traumatic for them. Of course, parents do it involuntarily, but it is better to do it so that the kids do not hear. The older kid will not be pleased to hear that his brother is more affectionate and docile, and the younger - that his brother at this age already helped his mother to put the dishes.

And our elder helps to keep an eye on the younger while we go about our business

The older child, whether he is 5 or 12 years old, remains your child and needs love and care, but does not need to become a third parent for a newborn. Such an attitude towards him will cause hatred of the younger child, irritability, aggression, jealousy. You can ask an older child to help, but this should not be forced. Raise your children to treat each other with respect. Remember that two children are not two enemies, but your two reasons for joy, two full-fledged personalities who will become adults in the future and will live separately.

Our eldest is already an adult, but the youngest needs us more

Do not force the elder to grow up ahead of time, forgetting about his feelings and desires. Forget phrases like “You’re older, give him the toy”, “He’s small, be smarter,” etc.

What to do? Psychologist's advice

We already know what not to do, now let's think about what to do, that the children lived in harmony and peace and grew up as full-fledged self-sufficient individuals. And so, I recommend:

- Try to pay attention to the events that occur in the life of each child, to his achievements. For example: “Well done, you got such good grades today”, “Thank you for agreeing to help me with my younger brother”, “Really, we had fun?”

- Emphasize the importance of the older child in the home and appreciate his help. "Sometimes it is difficult for mom to do the housework herself, I would be glad if you helped me wash the dishes for a while." "Could you help your brother with lessons today, because I know that you know this topic very well." What child would refuse if treated as an equal, without coercion.

- Ask the older child for advice. For example, what color of diapers should you buy, or how best to organize the interior. This will make the child feel important and loved by the family.

- Awaken the older child's interest in the newborn. For example, "look what a little baby", "did you know that toddlers are born toothless"

- Encourage an older child to show concern for a younger child, even if it creates additional hassle. The joy of children will be a huge reward for you.

- Do not force the older child to care for the younger. It was you and your husband who decided to have a baby and it is your responsibility to take care of him, the elder should not owe anything. You can talk about the role of an older brother or sister, but in no case do not transfer your concerns to the child.

- Do not deprive the senior of the status of "little", because in spite of the fact that he is older, he has not yet become an adult.

I hope my advice was helpful to you! Laykate, comment, your opinion is important to me!