2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When your child turns 16, you breathe a sigh of relief. It seems, well, you can already exhale, stop worrying and start enjoying communication with an interesting adult. You can finally go on a trip light, attend a cabaret and rock concert, have a snack at a roadside eatery and discuss an arthouse film. You are no longer just a mother and son - you are friends. You have similar tastes for music and books, he has something to tell you, and you learn from him more than he does from you, constantly revealing new facets of an unfamiliar and attractive male personality. He has heights of 177 and 43 shoe sizes, but the drawn-out "m-a-am", said by the bass, makes passers-by turn around.
And now, when you least expect it, trouble comes. As if through a fog, scraps of the words "acute leukemia", "stage 4", "get ready", "can die at any moment" reach your consciousness. At first, you do not believe and catch the air with your mouth, which does not enter the lungs, freezing in the throat. Then you really want to faint, but you can't, because your body refuses to obey you. Then the meaning of what was said reaches you, and in a panic you start calling friends and acquaintances, confusing numbers and not getting your finger on the buttons. And then there is silence. He lies in a hospital ward, wrapped in drip wires, and your body, hunched over, sits in the corner, counting out sighs and calling for help from all the saints - from God to Santa Claus. You are ready to give everything and at once for just one word - "hope".
There is nothing worse in the world than a child's illness. Actually, this could be the end of this post.
It seems to me that nothing can feel like that stifling feeling of helplessness when you see your child balancing between life and death. You, the mother who must protect, cannot change anything. No, you, of course, fight to the death for him and calculate the options, and hang on your phone for hours, looking for the best doctors, the best hospital and the best medicines. But all you really do is try to hide your fear. Animal fear that in fact you do not control anything. You are ready to buy up all the candles in churches, you pray to all the gods and are ready for any sacrifice - if only the universe hears your cry. But really, all you want is to sit quietly next to him, stroke his hair and listen to his breathing.
The first two hours after the news of the diagnosis, I quietly thrashed in hysterics. I felt sorry for him, sorry for myself, and no psychology could explain to me "why" and "why". Then my brain turned on, and I began to look for options: doctors, funds, hospitals. We were lucky to be in a good clinic. We were lucky with the doctors. We were lucky with my subscribers and friends, who did not stint on reposts and moral support. We are lucky - how appropriate this word is in this situation. And now, after almost three weeks of being in the hospital, when I forgot everything that was "before" and decided not to think about what would happen "after", I want to tell you about my thoughts.
If your child is sick:
- Enlist the support of everyone you can think of. Call friends, acquaintances, strangers, enemies, strangers, ex - ask, knock, demand. This is your sacred duty. You never know who and how can help in a difficult situation. Someone will not answer you, someone will spread his hands in bewilderment, and someone will certainly hold out his hand to you.
- Write everything down. It now seems to you that you will definitely remember. Believe me, in a minute you won't even remember your own phone number. Your brain is not able to withstand the avalanche of information that falls on you - do not add stress to it.
- The surrounding people are mostly divided into three types: "There is no money, but you are holding on", "Where to bring food?" and "I know a guy."
Thank you politely and forget the first ones. They are not bad. They are simply not ready for such responsibility. The second type is the rarest and most needed, because when you are hospitalized in a pink T-shirt and shorts, more than a million dollars, you need clean underwear and a toothbrush. The third type is best for helping you build a chain of acquaintances, one of which will definitely lead you to your goal. There is also a rare type of acquaintance who will silently transfer money to your card, but they are listed in the Red Book.
- Be prepared for misunderstandings. I heard the phrases "drink soda - everything will pass", "you just need to rest", "there is no such disease - cancer - there is a lack of vitamins." I heard surprised exclamations “why sit with an adult guy? Let one lie down while you work. " Forgive them, for these people do not know what they are doing. They do not realize that the "adult guy" is a helpless "rug" unable to reach the toilet and lift his head off the pillow. They don't know what it feels like to hear the IV drip better than his breathing. They don't understand that leukemia is a different planet with no place for old habits. They did not go through this and, God forbid them to experience this.
- Ask about everything that you do not understand. You have the right to know and understand what is happening to your child and what kind of treatment they are receiving. It is your responsibility to understand the consequences of taking medications and procedures. The hospital is not a place to be embarrassed. If there is a moment of truth, it is here and now.
- Do not be angry and do not feel sorry for yourself. This is your new life, which you did not choose. It will be hard, painful, difficult for you. You will get tired of rinsing a hundred times a day, boiling already boiled, endless washing of the chamber, the smell of bleach and the word "sterility". But gradually you will get used to it. At some point, it seemed to me that I was born here, in the corridors of this hospital, among these people and smells. This is not hopelessness - this is adaptation.
- Demand. Your child is not needed by anyone but you, and may doctors and nurses forgive me.
- Believe it. Be sure to trust that everything will be okay. You must not only believe it yourself, but also convince your child. And who if not you?
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