2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Imagine the situation: a baby was born, long-awaited and desired. Mom-dad-grandfathers do not care for the soul, they feed, wate, clothe, they want him to grow up as soon as possible to the delight of everyone. As soon as the crumb has learned to walk and talk, he is dragged to all kinds of developmental circles and sections.
At the same time, he is constantly inspired with the idea that he should be the best. The most-most. It is best to read-count-sing-dance, etc.
As the child grows up, he begins to protest, to be capricious, but in the sweet texts of good relatives, bitter phrases more and more often begin to sound that so much has been invested in him, all the best for him, but he … The child does not want to upset his mother- daddy-grandfather. They are so good, they only wish him well!
True, it is not clear why, because of this "goodness", it is impossible to lie in bed longer on Sunday morning or to see a huge snail on a burdock in the park, but rather to run to "prepare for school" through this very park at half past seven in the morning?
Further more. Mom-dad, super-successful and respected, are obsessed with the idea that a child should know everything before school. Baba-grandfather, university professors are on the same team. And all this - on the head of one unfortunate child!
And this is where the prerequisites for serious problems for the child in the future arise.
If you teach a child to read and count before school, then dads, mums, women, grandfathers need to be patient, because the child cannot grasp everything the first time.
Why is this patience necessary?
Because in the first 6-7 years of a child's life, a so-called life scenario is formed.
The child's consciousness is a blank slate. What gets there in the first years of life remains there. What the child has learned during this period determines his future life. And then the principle works: as you name the yacht, so it will float.
The perception of a child and an adult is two big differences. Do you want an example?
Mom-dad-grandfather say: "You must / must study for grades and finish school with a medal, so that we can be proud of you!" But what do you think the child hears in these words? Not at all what the loving relatives wanted to convey, but that he / she does not have the right to unconditional love! And this very love must be earned by good study, behavior and these damned fives!
And in a similar situation, the so-called script prescription is formed:
“You don't have the right to be loved just like that. You must deserve this right with A's / good behavior / giving up your desires”and so on.
Everyone has their own type of higher nervous activity. And if parents, driven by their ambitions (“my only two years old, and he already knows the alphabet and the Pythagorean theorem, reads Balzac in the original, plays the Mozart violin and extracts square roots”), will show discontent, impatience, criticize the baby, condemn him for the fact that something does not work out for him, then the so-called "script programming" will take place, which looks like this: you are stupid (moron, fool, etc.). You are incapable of assimilating anything new. It’s your fault that you don’t live up to the expectations of your dad, mom, grandparents.
What such a child grows up with is not difficult to guess. With the feeling that he is a loser, stupid, does not live up to the expectations of his parents, and in general, is unworthy to live.
There is another poisonous script programming, which sounds something like this: "Here I am at your age …". What "conclusion" the child will draw from this is easy to guess: I will never be as smart-successful-good.
It is clear that the human psyche is a fairly plastic structure, and psychological defenses are actively formed. Perhaps such a child in adulthood will throw all his might to prove to the whole world, and above all to dad and mom, that he is smart, and will defend a bunch of dissertations, and will he be happy and healthy?
Therefore, if your child for some reason does not want to learn to read, count, etc., in no case should you put pressure on him, force him, criticize, ridicule and shame for it! Only a positive attitude, play, any ways to interest him. Trust me, your efforts will pay off many times when he grows up healthy, confident and happy!
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