2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"The Sleep of Reason Draws Monsters" by Francisco Jose de Goya
Two-room Khrushchev. Night. Mother and grandmother can be heard snoring in the next room. A young man in his thirties is staring intently out the window. The room is twilight, and a computer fan is buzzing in the corner. His swan song sounds in my head -
“I am a hideous monster. A young ancient Greek god chained to a rock. The name of these chains is anxiety and fear. Birds pecking my mind and body are evaluations. What do they all care about me? I'm not bothering anyone! I don't bother anyone to live. Leave me alone. It's good that I work as a programmer, I can not go anywhere and not see anyone. But even then they manage to get me.
Nobody needs me. I'm not worth anything. I'm a lazy brute. I do not know anything. I can't do it. I am a bad father, son, grandson.
I stand with my feet on the ground, but I do not feel the soil and roots. As if I have no right to be on Earth. My appearance is an accident and a stupid idea of the universe. I am a trembling creature and have no right to be here.
Beauty saloon. In a room furnished by all feng shun standards, a girl is given a manicure. It can be seen from the face that the procedure gives her a lot of pleasure. But occasionally waves of discontent and tension run across her face. It's like she's having an unpleasant conversation with someone
I have a good manicurist. This is how hand massage does, mmm … You float on the waves of bliss. Why don't they recognize my genius at work, but make fun of me? I feel like a blonde from jokes. Although in fact I am a blonde, but unlike others, natural. After all, there are practically no flaws in me. I'm only thirty-five.
Well, there is no family, but where is the hurry? The figure is gorgeous. I do yoga and spiritual practices. A worthy man has not yet met. All the goats came across. Firstly, the men only need one thing for them to drag into bed, and secondly, either arrogant assholes or idiots.
Here the manicurist understands me. Tells me how delicate my skin is, thin beautiful fingers. But others have little admiration for me. Why don't they tell me every day about my uniqueness? Where are the fans, flowers? Where are the stacks of men under the window? Where are the princes on white horses? Why no one understands me. And when I say something, they laugh. The bull is uncouth. Here I am dressed according to the latest trends. Miss temptation and irresistibility.
I want everyone to admire me, appreciate the opportunity to communicate with me and love me.
You read my fantasy above. Grotesque monologues of the poles - depressive and demonstrative. These dialogues, although somewhat exaggerated, are often found in the stories of clients. Neurotic, this is not a disease, but a state of mind. The world behaves harder with a neurotic than with others. But this is a phantom, because the world does not care about us. The threshold is lowered when a neurotically organized person begins to feel pain, sadness, sadness, hatred and negatively colored emotions. And when good things happen in life, neurotic rejoices and strains at the same time, because he thinks - this is an accident that will end soon, it cannot be so.
It is normal to be neurotic (corresponds to the medical understanding of the norm). All who are not enrolled in neurotics, people with serious mental disorders. There are several healthy people, while psychiatrists joke that they have not been further examined.
Signs of personality neuroticization:
1. A person evaluates himself as a “great” or “insignificant” person. Paradoxically, such an assessment can coexist at the same time. Outwardly, a person puffs up with all his might, portraying his originality, uniqueness, beauty. And inside he feels the falsity of this image and his own fragility, vulnerability.
2. Double "I". Desires, fantasies, dreams, needs of the “I” (my personality) are ignored, and the external world is presented with a facade, a socially desired mask - false feelings, needs.
3. Impairment of instincts - excessive consumption of food, shopping, casual sex.
4. Infantilism (childishness, frivolity) in reasoning, relationships, relationships.
5. Frequent feeling of anxiety, fear, "anxious expectation of something", phobias, panic attacks, panic disorder are possible.
6. Touchiness, vulnerability, tearfulness.
7. Uncertainty of goals and priorities.
8. Priority "should", not "want". Often strive to follow the expectations of the people around you, rather than your own goals.
Neurotic traitsan adult acquired when faced with insurmountable difficulties in childhood (excessive demands of adults, aggression, violence, overprotection, etc.). The child has formed psychological defenses - behavioral stereotypes, fantasies about what kind of behavior adults encourage and their own attitudes about their insignificance or greatness, isolation - sociability, which shape the personality of an adult. The neurotic sways along these poles like a ship in a storm. And life is the sea and whether we like it or not, our ship can get caught in a storm, and in a storm, a hurricane.
How can a neurotic live? How to stop being neurotic and nurture a more mature, healthy component in yourself?
A great joke about this " The neurotic is treated year after year and he is getting better and better.e ". Life or death will heal.
Any serious answer to this topic is vulgar to the point of impossibility. Advice on how to live better has left a sore mouth on edge. When I read the advice of another, I ask: And who are you such a nice person to give advice to me?
I will try to say something on this topic carefully choosing my words. What I will say is not a recipe for how to become healthier, but a fairy tale about it.
“Imagine that there is a voice inside you - a fragile and thin voice of the soul. This very voice knows what you want. Distinguishes between his desires and those of others. This voice can support you in a moment of exhaustion and mental fatigue. Recognizes your right to live in this world. He recognizes for others the right to live in this world and be different from you. He can be critical and appealing to conscience. This voice is persistent, he hears the desires of the soul and encourages to follow them.
The only way to hear this voice is to acknowledge its existence. Hear him. And then make a decision - to follow it or not."
Here is a tale about healing from mental pain, which is inherent in each of us. After all, in our unconscious time does not exist. Memory files can be overwritten and in the future there will be room for new behaviors. And your favorite rake or bricks with which life hits you on the head will be a thing of the past. You will have a chance to be spontaneous and live according to someone else's scenario.
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