How Do We Choose A Life Partner? Archetypes

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How do we choose our mate? What attracts us to each other? What are we paying attention to? What influences the further rapprochement to a greater extent?

Of course, everyone has their own desires, sympathies, what we are drawn to, what we feel for our relatives and friends.

But generally speaking, we pay attention to the person who is initially somewhat sympathetic and pleasant.

Someone at the first meeting immediately gives out temperament, energy and charisma.

Another pays attention to appearance, gait, demeanor and how a person looks after himself.

The third is for eyes and a smile. It is important what the eyes convey and what they are. What kind of smile a person has - duty, superficial or sincere.

The fourth most values sincerity and attentiveness.

For the fifth, the voice is very important, the ability to conduct a conversation and create a cozy atmosphere.

The sixth is looking for a partner with high intelligence, educated with a broad outlook.

The seventh pays attention to the qualities of a person, such as: calmness or activity, gaiety or seriousness, as well as gravity, reliability, safety, constancy.

When communication continues from the initial acquaintance, attention is paid to what the person does, what he enjoys, how he spends his free time, what kind of friends he has and how he relates to the people around him.

At the next stage, when relations are already beginning, people try to get to know each other better - both out of sincere interest and out of a desire to understand for themselves, as if trying on themselves: “could I live my whole life with this person?”

Women, in addition to the question - "Is it good for me with this man", pay attention to what the man wants to achieve in his life:

- where is going, - what is it striving for, - his ideology, - what are his true values, - is the inner core solid and is it at all, - what I would like to achieve in life, including in material terms, in terms of choosing a profession and career growth.

Oddly enough, but men do not. At the beginning of a relationship for men, the question is - "How am I with her?" And even when the relationship is already quite long, and often even when you have already lived together for several years - the question for men is always the same.

I will clarify that this question is also asked by women, but they have it with a slightly different accent, "how am I with him NOW" and at the same time another question is asked "how will I be with him in the future?"

Perspective is what is more important for a woman than what is even in the present moment. If in "now" everything is more or less normal, with some problems, and the prospect of a man's growth is seen, then a woman will tend to stay with a man and try to find a solution to these "problems."

At the same time, if in “now” everything is more or less normal, with some problems, and when looking into the future, “it doesn’t please,” then even while still wanting to stay with a man, a woman will be more stressed about existing “problems "And worry. As a result, there are more negative emotions, a sharp emphasis on problems and various options for responding to an unstable situation - going into thoughtfulness, running around friends in search of authoritative advice, throwing about "mine or not mine", glances around - and comparing other couples with your relationship with a man, etc. This, by the way, happens not only in the absence of future prospects, but also when an emotional and physical distance occurs in a relationship, or, on the contrary, the emotional background begins to go off scale.

But back to the woman's question "how will I be with him in the future"?

Let's see why women are so focused on this topic.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that a woman wants to understand whether a man can support a family, but not only that. And here it is already difficult to describe something common for all women without exception, since each woman has everything individually.

For one woman, the most important thing is material stability at the time of the meeting and in the future. That is, she does not need much, but she needs a stable income.

For another, on the contrary, material stability is something insignificant. After all, it is impossible to earn a lot without risk, active steps and actions, so you need to boldly change jobs as you grow professionally, leaving your familiar stable place when you have outgrown it and can achieve more.

For the third, it is not so much the amount of money that a man earns that matters, but primarily his social status.

The fourth will look for men with the idea of changing the world for the better, material for her is secondary.

In a literal sense - one woman does not need her husband to earn tons of money, she needs to know that he has a paid job that covers basic needs and still remains for rest and entertainment. The key need of such a woman in material terms is the material stability of her family. When a man earns little money, which is only enough for food, she will push him to change jobs until her man gets a stable job with a salary level sufficient for the basic needs of life: so that there is something to eat, so that there is where live, that would be money for clothes, rest, entertainment. And if a man satisfies these needs, then such a woman is happy.

For another woman, the dominant need is financial success, so that she can buy expensive things, jewelry, have a good car, an apartment and, in short, live better than most. Such a woman will push a man to change a stable average-paid job for another - a highly paid one. She is ready to sacrifice the stable current moment, but insufficient for her needs, in order to have the possibility that in the future a man will be able to earn more. That is, she is ready for risk, for temporary difficulties, life on the brink - in order to move towards greater financial success.

Such women if they hear from a man the words:

“Yes, I’m making average money now. But if I quit now and look for a new job in the hope of finding a higher-paying job, it’s not the fact that I’ll find it, nor the fact that I’ll find it soon. And the source of income on my part will not be for some time. We may have to live very, very frugally, until I finally find this job. Do you agree to this?”- they will answer in the affirmative. For such a woman, prowl, instability is normal, she is ready for this.

Also, such women support men in their desire to start a business. They will try to help their man as best they can, in all they can. They will be proud of him, respect and support him in difficulties. In a nutshell: the ability to make money, the ability to distribute it correctly (where you need to save, where you need to be generous with jewelry or rest, where you need to invest in business, etc.) is valued in a man.

For third women, material stability is not so important, as well as the specific amount of money that monthly comes to the family, such as how the man earns this money.

A man earns $ 1000 and at the same time, who is he? A small businessman, a trader on stalls or with the same salary is a respected person in the enterprise. For this type of woman, it is very important that the case in which a man manifests itself in the outside world.

How exactly does he make money - whether honestly, noble. And if, for example, her man has a choice between two job offers - in one place for $ 2,000 to be a manager or in another for $ 1,200 as a boss - then she will definitely advise the second option. That is: social status, how a man earns, whether people respect him, whether he lives only for his family, or to take care of his family and help others - this is what is important for such a woman. In a nutshell: the inner strength of a man, the values of a man, his moral qualities, his idea, how he lives, who he is in the outside world. I note that such women are ready both themselves and together with a man for some time to the detriment of the material: they work for the good of society, work for an idea in low-paid work and engage in social activities.

There is also a type of women for whom the material component is important, but in priority it is on the second or third roles. She needs a man with a desire to know himself and the world around him.

It is he who will give what a woman really needs.

For her, such qualities of a man are important as:

- wisdom, - the focus of thought not only on the family, but more broadly - the whole world around, - disinterestedness, mercy, honesty, helping people.

A man, a scientist or a writer, or a public figure, is quite suitable for such a woman. The material side of life at a certain level is important, but together with the above qualities of a man. That is, the material has its place, but it is not the first.

I will note that, in search of a couple, a woman unconsciously wants to find a man of the same type as herself. And if the man with whom she is in a relationship is of a different type, then the woman feels that "something is wrong" and begins to be "loaded" with this. A very common option - after a while she disagrees with him, less often - lives, but tries to reconcile or remake a man to fit her needs. The latter is virtually always unsuccessful.

If a man from childhood was fond of mopeds, motorcycles, cars, he loved to disassemble, repair and now, when he became an adult, he loves technology, working with his hands, communicating with people. This man chooses to be a taxi driver, but a woman needs a completely different income and she constantly “kicks” a man so that he can study second highest as an accountant in order to become a highly paid chief accountant. And this is not his at all. What other numbers, sitting on a chair at the computer, why this big salary? For him, this is boredom and nonsense. To drive along the streets of the city, to bring the car to mind so that it works like a watch - this is his, dear.

Another example. A man appreciates the amount of money in life, and a wife is of the “material stability” type. He needs more, and his wife - “What are you doing? There is work. The salary is normal, we have enough for basic needs. The salary is not delayed. Well, what else do you want? Well, I don't need gold chains or something. You’ll get another job, you’ll work more, you’ll be at home less often, I don’t need that.” And here is the problem - what a man needs, a woman does not need - since she does not need the amount of earnings, but stability. And stability is not important to him. It is important to earn more than others, it is important to wear expensive things, to feel like a breadwinner.

Let's summarize.

It is important for both man and woman to be aware of their needs.

Its scale of financial benefits, self-realization in society.

And find each other in a similar direction, inclinations. And then the man gets a wife who supports him in certain activities and aspirations. And the woman is glad that she is with such a man, she is happy, she is happy, she is proud of him, respects, supports, helps him to grow, grows herself with him.

Ideally, you should choose your mate consciously.

That is, at the initial acquaintance, when a person outwardly likes, attracts, communicate not only on ordinary topics - what are you interested in, what hobby, and also ask serious questions about the strategic vision of life.

Go straight to the important thing. That's why it is important. There are many nice and attractive people, but you need to find your own - dear. Including the vision of happiness.

Accordingly, a woman's task is to ask questions and understand what kind of man is in front of her, whether she is ready to share life with such a man and with his aspirations.

And the task for a man is to express his dreams, his purpose in life, to say what he wants to achieve, who he wants to be, and what happiness is for him. And watch the woman's reaction. Does she like it? Or she needs something completely different from a man in her life.

To create a happy family, so that these relationships are for life, you need to look for such a person whose development prospects in the future coincides with yours. To walk the path of life together, look in the same direction. Then it will be much more joyful to share difficulties - these are difficulties on the way to what we both want.

Getting acquainted with a nice person - get to know him both at the level of appearance, behavior, personality, worldview, and look deeply: at his dreams, at his understanding of happiness, feel with your Soul - look for YOUR person. And sooner or later you will find it.