Unwillingness To Live

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It would seem that there is nothing more valuable in the world than a human life, but, nevertheless, many at least once in their lives were visited by the thought of unwillingness to live.

In this material, we will not talk about real attempts at suicide, not about clinical depression, and not about various personality disorders, in which the danger of a breakdown increases significantly. We will talk about the "unwillingness to live" in mentally healthy people. On the one hand, this topic seems simple. On the other hand, even healthy, outwardly prosperous people sometimes commit suicide. It is this fine line between "wanting" and "doing" that I want to discuss with you today.

There is one very important difference between suicidal thoughts and “unwillingness to live”. The word “so” can most often be added to the phrase “I don’t want to live” in mentally healthy people. I don't want to live THIS. Agree, this changes a lot.

If a healthy person in a similar state is offered a different life scenario, he will gladly agree to it. Imagine that someone right now, by magic, takes you to where you want to live, relieves you of mortgage and car loan payments, provides you with a loving partner, obedient children, healthy parents, and an exciting career. Would you refuse such an opportunity to change your life?

A mentally healthy person, even in a state of fatigue, dissatisfaction and force majeure, is able to recognize the existence of a potential way out of this situation. A person in a state of suicidal peak is deprived of such an opportunity. He doesn't want to live in ANY way. He seems to be surrounded by an impenetrable quagmire, where any movement only accelerates death. In this state, the brain refuses to function, and a person really cannot “see and understand” something. As in crooked mirrors, the surrounding reality appears in a distorted form. And a psychiatrist or psychotherapist can help in such a situation. Because only a specialist with a medical education can diagnose clinical depression or other disorder, for the treatment of which medical correction is necessary.

But what we in everyday life tend to mistakenly call "depression" is actually a state of a healthy person. This is a kind of defense mechanism, signaling that our resources are running low. Apathy and feelings of helplessness are frequent companions of dissatisfaction with life. Sadness, fatigue, and being lost are interpreted as “unwillingness to live”. This state is typical for a person who has stumbled into a certain life "corner", depriving him of his view and the ability to see the full picture of what is happening, rationally evaluate his actions and the reaction of others. Sometimes, in order to "turn around", your own strength is not enough. And the help of relatives or a psychologist is needed.

Despite the fact that most healthy people who talk about their “unwillingness to live” do not have suicidal tendencies, and most of them will never make a real attempt at suicide, the phrase “I don’t want to live” always sounds like a signal for help.

The worst thing that can be done in such a situation is to put on a mask of deliberate gaiety and try to "stir up" the mocking friend or relative. The phrases “don’t be a rag,” “pull yourself together,” “you’re a man,” “you have children,” in fact, do not carry either positive or constructive behavior. All they do is exacerbate feelings of guilt and stir up protest. That is, instead of becoming a lifeline for a drowning man, these phrases become a stone on his neck. A person in a state of despair perceives the abandoned casually "you are a man" as "you are not good enough and do not live up to expectations." And the one called to save “you have children” once again reminds of the responsibility with which he cannot cope.

So what can you do to help a person who has expressed the thought of "unwillingness to live" in your presence?

First of all, one must be able to discern and hear this "unwillingness". The human psyche is fragile. Sometimes there is a very fine line between “thoughts” and “intentions”. And it is difficult for an ordinary person to determine what this or that condition is.

Not everyone formulates their thoughts and intentions directly: "I'll hang myself", "I'll come home and turn on the oven" or "I'm going to cut my veins this weekend." As a rule, these thoughts are of a veiled nature: “I don’t want anything,” “nothing pleases,” “I’m tired of everything,” “how did it bother me,” “I wouldn’t fall asleep and not wake up”. These markers may or may not express a genuine desire to commit suicide. However, they definitely signal that something is wrong in a person's life. And even if you are an outside observer, you can always express sympathy and support: "Are you all right?", "Can I help you with something?"

What a person said should not be devalued in any way. The phrases "this is nonsense", "it would be something to worry about", "don't play the fool", "don't hysteria" are nothing more than an attempt to brush aside the problem. But it is only in childhood that it is enough to close your eyes to hide. In real adult life, this does not work.

If you really want to help, you have to admit the problem. “I see that you are upset,” “I understand how hard it is for you,” “I can't even imagine what you had to go through.” This is what is called empathy - the ability to empathize without denying or condemning.

Recognizing the presence of difficulties, you take off a huge burden from a person - the fear that they will not understand, will not accept, will not believe.

The next step is to ask about the details. Listen without interrupting. Build trust. Ask leading questions and in no case give your assessment of what was said. It is very difficult for a person in a state of delicate balance to open up. He is afraid of condemnation, misunderstanding, corny does not know how to start. Nod, nod, and non-verbal support (hug, sit closer, make and maintain eye contact). Let the person talk. As chaotic as the verbal flow of his outpourings may seem to you, this is the first step to solving the problem.

Discuss possible solutions. They are definitely there. And often the most commonplace are the most effective. Don't impose your vision. Support the person in their search for their own solutions. Don't push, don't rush, give him time and provide the necessary resources - support, acceptance, non-judgment, and objectivity.

But what if this is a person yourself? Stop and think about what your desire to commit suicide is really connected with. Nobody but yourself will answer this question. And only you yourself can decide how to dispose of the time allotted to you.

“Reluctance to live” can be associated with anything - financial difficulties and mistakes at work, gender dysphoria and self-esteem problems, parting with a loved one and the inability to get what you want. Each has its own pain threshold, and its own limited resource.

Sometimes it's teenage bravado, when suicide seems like a heroic act from the category of "I'll show everyone what I'm capable of." This is not courage - this is stupidity. Courage is the ability to stay and bring what you started to the end, fix what you have done and gain recognition as a deed, and not a dramatic escape from reality.

Sometimes pity for oneself is expressed in this way - for the misunderstood and unrecognized: "I will die, and everyone will cry and suffer." Will not. They will cry and forget. But you will no longer be, just as there will be no opportunity to prove that you were worth something.

And sometimes this is a consequence of a series of wrong actions and an unwillingness to pay the bills. And then it is nothing but an escape from responsibility. The only problem is that you can't run away from yourself, and personally I'm not sure that death eliminates the need to bear responsibility for what you have done.

Whatever the condition of a person is dictated, a statement of suicidal intentions is always a cry for help. Sometimes, unnoticed by others, we balance on the brink. And any word can tilt the scales in one direction or the other. Better let your word be kind. And, of course, I will not tire of repeating that such conditions are best controlled with the help of a specialist. Be healthy and happy.