2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Do you need to change loved ones and relationships with them?
The best thing to do to improve relationships with close and not very close people is to engage in self-development. The very idea of changing a relationship or a person in a relationship will not get you anywhere you want. Relationships change themselves. Then when you start to change yourself.
If you go, for example, to a program, or to personal therapy, then you start to change. And people close to you will also begin to change in one direction or another.
How does this happen?
As you walk the path of life, you have already created some patterns that are compatible with another person. They enter the grooves, metaphorically speaking. You are used to living this way, especially if you have been living together for 10-15 years. Be it relationships with parents, partners, and husbands, you are used to the way you are in those relationships.
And now one of you is undergoing a change. These changes can be caused by any external event - a new job, a new team. Or they are caused by self-development and psychotherapy.
The person is changing. He may begin to notice that there are feelings that were previously unknown and desires that he was not aware of. He begins to understand something different about himself than he knew before, and, accordingly, gradually reshape his life with small changes. So there is a lot of freedom and choice of a different way of behavior.
The problem is that this person no longer falls into the grooves
Your behavior, in the case of self-development, ceases to be predictable.
For example, you used to swear when you came home, but now you began to notice how much valuable your family gives you. Previously, you were angry in response to some comments, but now you calmly listen to everything your parents tell you. Previously, you could do your job automatically, but now you suddenly realized that you were doing the wrong thing at all.
What are your loved ones doing in this case?
10-15 percent begin to catch up to you. Accept your changes, notice the good in them. Some people themselves may want to go to psychotherapy. This is an absolute minority.
Most find themselves alarmed - something is wrong. The soil is slipping from under your feet. An urgent need to do something with your spouse / parents / child.
The loved ones don't like your changes, whatever they may be. They may try to return you to the place from which you have already left.
The most important question that appears in our culture in such cases is who is to blame, what happened and what to do. Toxic questions that complicate life and form this very fuss that takes up all resources.
The alternative to them is to ask "what is." If your loved ones don't, you can.
Do not fight, do not prove the right to your changes and to be different. Concentrate on how you feel.
If you transform the question of “what to do” into “what is happening,” your awareness increases. You begin to notice things that you have not seen before.
Yes, you won't get into the grooves, one way or another. But these grooves can widen, and the outlook on the relationship that you have will change not only for you, but also for your partner. So, by changing yourself, you will change what you have in your life.
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