2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A protest against the impossibility of protesting as a form of spreading one's aggression in the stream of everyday self-defloration. If not, how? The desire to spew out the seed of anger at the moment of the highest climax makes you act recklessly carefully, moving along the map of life in small rushes from conflict to conflict, and, of course, constantly returning to the scene of a moral crime. Grapes of anger hang abundantly in your garden of Eden, attracting ravens and snakes to your meal, and you, like that time, are content only with the notorious sublimation of anger, glancing gloatingly at the screaming feast of predators. You cannot be so brave as to be angry, and therefore in your cowardice you show an analogue of your anger in the form of its copy, driving bile into a vessel convenient for you. All your efforts are just simulations of that renal anger at those renal people who day after day rub your calluses in front of your eyes with their puny smiles, and you, with your guilt, not realizing the whole tragedy, cheaply revel in an attack of artificial evil.
Anger breeds anger. Generated anger breeds guilt for generating anger. Guilt gives birth to a false personality. The false personality does not cease to be angry with the true personality, filling it with energy to rebel against the oppression and authority of the powerful fixer of the feeling of guilt. You are angry with your spouse, not because he / she is, as you imagined, you are angry, perhaps because you do not have the strength to be angry with another person who is more significant in your anger. Who is this status offender of your ego swollen from anxious stroking, who could come so close to you that he poured his poison right into your mouth while you yawned in anticipation of the everyday life. Do you know who it might be? You are angry because you cannot be angry. You are right in your fear that innocent people suffer from your anger and they reward you for this with a sense of guilt, with which you rush to all dispensaries and show all doctors, and they look at you in bewilderment and do not pity you a bit, and you again angry. The circle is closed on you.
And all this is in your heart, and in your breath, and in your eyes. Sometimes you look with contempt, sometimes with fondness, but they always have a little taste of your hot spice, which you never poured into the main dish. Anger at the inability to show anger. You are not looking for easy ways, there is no problem for you to be angry for decades without realizing your anger, without living it completely and completely. There is still plenty of time, there is no sense, desire is at zero, there are fewer and fewer people around. The predicate of anger is stored in a dark and dry place, you cannot get there alone, the guilt accompanies you on the road, retaining the right to choose the next vessel for bile. You blame yourself, someone will nod their head approvingly, silver bells will ring on a windless night, true anger dressed as guilt will entertain you this evening for many years to come.
A false personality will protect you for a long time from the destructive healing power of true anger, she will skillfully manipulate the technique that keeps your mind in an artificial coma, this person will do everything so that your portrait with her lightly veiled smile hangs at the front entrance to the most prestigious theater of your soul. When your real lord of anger passes through the front door, the doors will close behind him not with a rolling rumble, but with a barely audible sigh of irritation and with an invariable trademark smile on your face.
"You can't get angry, you can only simulate anger in simulating anger."
Smile!
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